Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When I was online dating, I noticed a lot of the same trends there from women. You had your women who were naturally pretty good catches. They got online and got offline pretty quickly. They either met the right guy they wanted or they realized the juice wasn't worth the squeeze.
Then you would have the women who were tired of just being messaged for their boobs or to hook up. I would go and read their profiles and analyze their pictures, and what I noticed is they are poor communicators of what they want. The reason they attracted bad guys, is because the type of guy they wanted didn't really exist. Say a mixture of 50 Shades of Grey and Duck Dynasty. You are likely not going to find the Duck Dynasty type guy who can clean up in a suit and make 6 figure income. They're two different mindsets all together. What they wanted was a fantasy.
Men fall into the same trap of wanting a woman who's slender, big boobs, smart, and can cook a 5 course meal. Quite frankly, you're looking for a needle in a haystack instead of a plank in a bush. It's all about mindset. It's really hard to get the best of both worlds. Most people excel in one area in their life and need help from others to improve on the part of their life they suck in. For instance, I'm very career driven, yet I'm a bit of a dating nightmare. Dating has never came easy for me, while obtaining a career has been pretty easy. That's because dedication in a career goes a lot further than dedication in dating.
Would you believe that I found that unicorn online!!! Thing is, I wasn't looking for anything specific when I stumbled upon him, but when I realized how rare of a man I had, no way in hell I was letting him go. Irony is he was looking for something very specific, which I happen to fit into.
Echoing post #10… If we accept the canonical gender-roles, of men doing the approaching and initiation, and women rendering the decision of whether to accept or reject, then the OP's "dichotomy" would hold by definition. However, some women would never get approached, or rarely approached. So even if the OP's observation is true, in these cases it becomes trivially true. Similarly for the case of those men who never approach.
The OP's question, in effect, becomes: "How often do men find themselves in a position of passing judgment, where they are approached, and decide whether to accept or reject"? And similarly: "How often do women initiate contact with a man, and find themselves to be ignored or rejected"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
As for the guys on here specifically, it seems the prevailing issue is lack of confidence and fearing rejection.
For me, the chief frustration is that my one incontrovertible criterion (being child-free) excludes the staggering majority of women in my age bracket and geographic locale. It's not so much that I frequently get rejected - which I do! - but that there's such a paucity of women whom to approach in the first place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heart_Song
I have not studied the posts in this forum long enough to say if your OP is correct, but I did just read an article yesterday that stated divorced men are twice as likely to remarry than women and hate being "alone" much more than women. My personal theory on why this is is because men benefit in many significant ways by being married compared to women. I think men do not want to be alone because they want someone to take care of them, their homes, etc... like a mom.
I agree with you, almost completely. Where however I'm baffled is in trying to comprehend why such a position on the part of the men is reprehensible or hypocritical.
I'm just going by what they say. Most of the women I've interacted with on here, anyway, always seem to give off the perception that they have a line of men waiting outside the door for them.
Men by their very nature pursue women. So this may not be too far off the mark. They may not be " lined up", but they're around.
Let me give you a personal example. I work for a major airline at a major airport. We run pretty much 24/7.
There are three shifts and in each shift there are about 200 guys working, plus DOA workers, pilots, airport police, and businessmen traveling alone. There's a virtual parade of men each and every day and a lot of them are single. Add my outside activities.. Surfing, swimming, kick boxing, flying etc and.... There are men who participate in these activities too. So yeah... The odds are good that at least a few will find me appealing and vice versa. Make sense?
This is the thing. Women tend to suck it up more. And there's so much prejudice on the forum against women posting about the problem, that it could discourage women from posting about it.
I agree with this as far as this forum goes. Nearly every time I see a woman posting about her issues in dating, her opinion is invalidated by a few woe-is-me guys, though I should note that a lot of the regular guys on this forum seem to understand.
My point is, women have the right not to be attracted to whatever guy likes them at the time, and vice versa. Just because that may be the case doesn't make them in demand. Conversely, it makes me wonder on this forum sometimes if these men who whine about no one liking them actually have a few women who like them but the guy won't give them the time of day (which, again, they have the right to do).
Then, a lot of it comes down to...you guessed it...personality. Anyone can break Lafleur's 'dichotomy' here with just some personality. I have known so many people who don't have the looks but they have charm, or just an overall genuine and nice countenance. All it takes is a little work and self-confidence.
I am going to use a weird example to illustrate this of me and Lafleur, though I should note that this doesn't have anything to do with romantic interest. So, Lafleur, you seemed pretty cool when you first started posting in this forum...you seemed frustrated, but logical, and expressed your thoughts well, which are things I like to see in anyone on a place like the Internet where it is so easy to troll and be inflammatory. Now, however, you have gradually become more bitter because you think no one has any interest in you. As a result, I get a different feel from your posts, and it is not as nice a feel. So there you go. I don't want to make you feel bad because I don't know you, but neither do the women you might be trying to approach. They can probably sense it.
Makes me wonder how many of these other guys who complain a lot might do the same thing when otherwise they would do better.
I agree with this as far as this forum goes. Nearly every time I see a woman posting about her issues in dating, her opinion is invalidated by a few woe-is-me guys, though I should note that a lot of the regular guys on this forum seem to understand.
My point is, women have the right not to be attracted to whatever guy likes them at the time, and vice versa. Just because that may be the case doesn't make them in demand. Conversely, it makes me wonder on this forum sometimes if these men who whine about no one liking them actually have a few women who like them but the guy won't give them the time of day (which, again, they have the right to do).
Then, a lot of it comes down to...you guessed it...personality. Anyone can break Lafleur's 'dichotomy' here with just some personality. I have known so many people who don't have the looks but they have charm, or just an overall genuine and nice countenance. All it takes is a little work and self-confidence.
I am going to use a weird example to illustrate this of me and Lafleur, though I should note that this doesn't have anything to do with romantic interest. So, Lafleur, you seemed pretty cool when you first started posting in this forum...you seemed frustrated, but logical, and expressed your thoughts well, which are things I like to see in anyone on a place like the Internet where it is so easy to troll and be inflammatory. Now, however, you have gradually become more bitter because you think no one has any interest in you. As a result, I get a different feel from your posts, and it is not as nice a feel. So there you go. I don't want to make you feel bad because I don't know you, but neither do the women you might be trying to approach. They can probably sense it.
Makes me wonder how many of these other guys who complain a lot might do the same thing when otherwise they would do better.
I'm willing to bet that most guys who are here venting/complaining/what have you do not do so IRL. There's a reason we do it here; because it's an anonymous channel to vent our frustrations. I never, in my entire life, bring this stuff up to my friends or family, and most of all not women I'm trying to attract.
The thing is, when I go out with women, we always have a great time. I make sure of it. I am a fun person in general and it matters to me that my company is engaged and enjoying themselves. I met up last night with that girl that I originally started posting about here back in October (the non-reciprocating girl). She's finally started hitting me up in the last week. We met up last night, she had a friend in town, I had a friend hanging out, we all had a great time. I went out Friday night with another girl. We also had a great time. I'm going out today with the girl I went out with last weekend. I assure you that we, too, will have a great time.
You have to realize that some of the frustrations you see coming out here come out here for a reason. Because this is one of the few places we can do it without completely ruining our IRL reputation with our friends, families, and other folks we encounter. So the Lafleur who vents on C-D on occasion is not even close to the Lafleur IRL. I guarantee that if any of you met me IRL, your perceptions would be completely off. All that said, I do try to make reasonable comments from time to time, but I do also let my frustrations get the best of me and my comments become a little more laced with emotion. But I'd rather that occur here than let it overflow into my real life situations.
Fair enough. I've admitted myself that I usually have gotten interest from guys, mostly when I am single. But, I have also admitted that I've had feelings for guys that haven't been reciprocated.
I might agree with you if you were talking about the one-time posters here but I don't think the regulars, men or women, fit your 'dichotomy' for the most part. Many female posters on this forum have shared stories about how it's been hard for them to find guys, but they mostly get dismissed as exaggerating things, or get blown off because 'hey're women' and it's still easier just because of their gender. Conversely, certain male posters like timberline and hawaiiancoconut seem to be able to attract who they like (they can correct me if I'm wrong) and they don't complain about having no luck/getting rejected a lot.
Women have it easier than men when it comes to dating. I stand by this.
Women have it easier than men when it comes to dating. I stand by this.
Women get more attention, yes. But much of it is unwanted. You really don't have to think about that very long to question whether that is easier.
I'm like a lot of guys that never had women camping on their doorstep. But I'd rather have it that way than what many women have to put up with every day.
Women get more attention, yes. But much of it is unwanted. You really don't have to think about that very long to question whether that is easier.
I'm like a lot of guys that never had women camping on their doorstep. But I'd rather have it that way than what many women have to put up with every day.
They're still getting attention. It might be unwanted attention but men still are attracted to them. Some women need to stop moaning about this. I would love to have attractive women all over me. You have all the power in dating but complain about it? Men have to work harder to get attention. Geez.
They're still getting attention. It might be unwanted attention but men still are attracted to them. Some women need to moaning about this. You have all the power in dating when men have to work harder to get attention. Geez.
The grass is always greener…
You view unwanted attention as something positive. And it can be. But it can also be annoying, scary, and even life threatening. Be careful what you wish for.
You view unwanted attention as something positive. And it can be. But it can also be annoying, scary, and even life threatening. Be careful what you wish for.
What kind of guy is threatening to a woman who doesn't like him? Then again, I get the hint once.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thing is, I wasn't looking for anything specific when I stumbled upon him, but when I realized how rare of a man I had, no way in hell I was letting him go. 
Irony is he was looking for something very specific, which I happen to fit into. 
