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I never saw the term "risk" in any definition of approach in my life.
And I'm not sure what risk I'm ever taking by talking to someone. If they're not interested in chatting or if they're boring, whatever, no sweat off my back. Risk would infer there was something to lose and I have no idea what that might be.
Yeah, we should probably just stop talking about this because we're coming from such different places that we're not doing anybody any good. You're obviously some sort of extroverted people person, so dating is something that you find inherently enjoyable whereas I find it a hellish nightmare.
Cheers to you.
It's fun for me to talk about this on this forum because I've more or less forcibly removed all of this stuff from my mind. I just keep my eyes on the day-to-day, building equity in my property so that when the heart attack, cancer, late-night single-vehicle crash or racing incident happens, all my affairs will be in order for my family and nephews.
That is the most ignorant thread of statements I have ever seen...You have no idea what your talking about or the experiences one have faced of rejection as well...I think advice from all walks of life are beneficial..with one thing in common..Most of us have all faced severe loneliness, depression, and rejection at some point or many points in life..We all bleed red as the statement goes and feel the same way..even through different circumstances..if you don't get or understand that by now your advice is useless as well...since mine is sooo useless
Sorry, as an extremely attractive young woman, the most privileged class that one can be in all of Western society, you can't relate to me, or the OP for that matter.
Attempting to return to the original precepts of this thread….
Our society presumes the nuclear family, or at least the couple heading such family. Our society really isn't structured to cater to solitary individuals. Ultimately it's this, and not sex or even affection, that builds the impetus to couple-up.
Insurmountable obstacles in finding a partner are not widespread. If they were, the dating-pool would have been large. Dating and relationships would be looming and obtrusive problems for many people, in many walks of life. But they are not. Most people are worrying about how to raise their children, how to pay their mortgages, how to save for retirement. Most of my colleagues at work are worrying about how to see their grandchildren more often. This is great for my colleagues. But for those few people who DO find insurmountable obstacles to success in dating, well, their small number makes the obstacles all the more insidious. Does this make sense?
But let's for a moment set aside dating and relationships, following the OP's suppositions. If lots of other men – and I did say men – have difficulty finding, forming and maintaining intimate relationships, then there would be lots of single-guys available as roommates. I'm a male in my 40s. At this point, I would not be averse to taking in a male tenant (without rent!), who would help with cooking, shoveling snow, mowing the lawn… who would be around to play cards or chess, to discuss recently-read books, who would take me to the airport for my business-travel, who would participate in my auto-repair projects, who would call to check if I'm stuck in the snow; a workout buddy, a hiking buddy, a confidante. Maybe he likes gardening; I have acres and acres of fallow land. Maybe he paints; I have well-lit empty bedrooms to accommodate a studio. This isn't about sex. This isn't even about back-rubs. It's about not living alone, not being alone, not staring alone on a cloudless sky and pointing out (to oneself) the constellations. It's about having a phone number on speed-dial that isn't my broker.
The plan for successfully being single is contingent upon securing non-romantic relationships. It means somehow smashing the barrier between the self and the outside world. The person who merely observes, must become the person who acts. We have to be not merely of the world, but in it. This is a difficult venture. It's almost as difficult as finding a date.
IMO some of dating problems have to do with location.
I live in a small town, so the women who live here have very little trouble in dating and finding relationships because the number of single men most likely outnumber the women because the majority of women are already married shortly after high school.
i do know some single women, most of them have no trouble finding men to date. Most of them don't actually want a relationship because they either aren't looking to be in one, or because there's "Plenty of fish to reel in." Loosely quoted.
I know of 2 who have trouble dating. They still find dates, but it's not as often and either of there situations aren't very desirable to too many men. They complain, a lot. Though I will say that I don't see them bitching about it as much on FB anymore, so either my FB has stopped showing them in my feed, or they fell off the face of the Earth, or maybe they found someone or something else to occupy there time.
I don't consider any of those passive things approaches, because they're not approaches.
By making eye contact, sending subtle signals and etc., a woman risks nothing, and that is exactly what approaching is about: risk.
Risk of rejection. Doesn't she risk the same when she flirts with you a bit? Of course she does. You can just give her a glassy-eyed stare and continue on about your business.
Risk of rejection. Doesn't she risk the same when she flirts with you a bit? Of course she does. You can just give her a glassy-eyed stare and continue on about your business.
No, she doesn't. Everything about the way most women flirt is designed to create plausible deniability.
Risk of rejection. Doesn't she risk the same when she flirts with you a bit? Of course she does. You can just give her a glassy-eyed stare and continue on about your business.
But some girls are dauntless, rejection means to try harder the next time. Admittedly the lyrics are unnecessary, but the principal remains...romantic interaction should be based on personality rather than gender.
Everything about the way most women flirt is designed to create plausible deniability.
I LOL'd. I can't count how many times I've heard of a scenario where a woman flirts with a guy (for the attention they so desperately seek when they aren't getting much of it), and then when the guy grows feelings for her but she wants nothing to do with him romantically, she turns it around on him and blames him for feeling differently than she does.
This happened to me not long ago, too. A girl "friend" I was hanging out with a few months back was in a terrible relationship with her then BF (they have since broken up). She used me to fill the emotional void that her BF wouldn't satisfy and she flirted with me almost every time we got together. That was until I put a stop to it once she started getting close to crossing the line. Several months later (just yesterday as a matter of fact), she came to me begging me to be her friend again. She can go kick rocks.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnysky444
How does one determine they are a "forever alone" guy at 33?
The same way I do it at 26. Analyze the number of successful relationships you have and project down the road ten years at a time. 0/10 is not a hard equation to figure out.
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