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You assume incorrectly, but don't worry, I'll lose no sleep over it.
I'm simply not interested in feeding the egos of every woman I pass in hopes one of them will 'accept' me, like many thirsty guys. The downside of this--where it hurts more than helps--is that I'm probably letting some genuine good women pass, as well.
Well, then, I guess I need to get over the distaste of feeding the egos of random women, then. That's the only thing that keeps me from reciprocating 90% of the time. I've had female friends in the past tell me that they used to get a kick out of stringing men along for the ego boost--hell, I've had it attempted on me when I was a little younger and less experienced with women. I know there are women out there who will give all the signals, will wave you in with the white flag and all, and at the end of the day it was for nothing--she only wanted the attention, she fed off that. I would be so disappointed in myself if I were to fall for that with some random woman (I thank them for their time and walk away when they answer the 'are you seeing/married to anyone' question in the affirmative).
At the same time I don't want to accidentally hit on some gorgeous girl who's asking if I ordered yet because she didn't want to seem rude by jumping me in line. You know what happens when you 'assume'.
Again, your way over thinking social interactions here. You were asked by a woman if you had ordered food at a fast food joint. Even if she was looking around, even if she bent over for whatever, it hardly seems to be a clear cut case of somebody trying to get you to stroke their ego.
She may not have had any romantic or flirtatious interest in you at all, and was just honestly asking you a question.
You assume incorrectly, but don't worry, I'll lose no sleep over it.
I'm simply not interested in feeding the egos of every woman I pass in hopes one of them will 'accept' me, like many thirsty guys. The downside of this--where it hurts more than helps--is that I'm probably letting some genuine good women pass, as well.
You assume incorrectly, but don't worry, I'll lose no sleep over it.
I'm simply not interested in feeding the egos of every woman I pass in hopes one of them will 'accept' me, like many thirsty guys. The downside of this--where it hurts more than helps--is that I'm probably letting some genuine good women pass, as well.
I don't think anyone's expecting you to walk down the street saying "Hey baby! Lookin' good. How's it going!?" to every woman who walks by.
If she makes a subtle move that invites attention--like say, talking to you at a cafe in the morning--then I don't see why you don't open yourself up to it.
It may have been nothing. it may have been everything. You may have missed a chance to meet your future wife. If you walk around with a chip on your shoulder about giving women "undeserved attention," then you'll never know.
There are a couple of guys like you on this forum. One of them has learned to open up and stop being so hypercritical. One of them has nothing but bad luck in dating and tries to seem like a stud because he rejects women before they will reject him, but people see through that and pity him.
Assuming a woman is trying to flirt because she fixed her shoe, asked "Did you order yet?", and then looked over the counter for a staff member is really reaching if you ask me. Could she have been receptive if you'd attempted more conversation or flirting with her? Maybe. But as a woman, I hate the idea that my every move is being analyzed and something as simple as fixing my shoe could be misconstrued as flirting. What if I truly need to adjust or tie my shoe while I'm in public? Am I supposed to ignore it and risk my shoe flying off my foot or tripping over the laces so that some over-analyzing, self obsessed guy who thinks he's all that just because he's super tall doesn't mistake it for flirting? Newsflash: not every woman wants constant attention, not every woman is trying to get your attention in particular - and I'd like to think that if I did really want to get a guy's attention, and not just to boost my own ego but in hopes of actually getting a date, I'd be a bit more clever than fixing my shoe and asking "Did you order yet?"
Assuming a woman is trying to flirt because she fixed her shoe, asked "Did you order yet?", and then looked over the counter for a staff member is really reaching if you ask me. Could she have been receptive if you'd attempted more conversation or flirting with her? Maybe. But as a woman, I hate the idea that my every move is being analyzed and something as simple as fixing my shoe could be misconstrued as flirting. What if I truly need to adjust or tie my shoe while I'm in public? Am I supposed to ignore it and risk my shoe flying off my foot or tripping over the laces so that some over-analyzing, self obsessed guy who thinks he's all that just because he's super tall doesn't mistake it for flirting? Newsflash: not every woman wants constant attention, not every woman is trying to get your attention in particular - and I'd like to think that if I did really want to get a guy's attention, and not just to boost my own ego but in hopes of actually getting a date, I'd be a bit more clever than fixing my shoe and asking "Did you order yet?"
Yeah how alluring...let me get this gum off my shoe....are they slow around here or what...?
Yeah, the 'rejecting women to seem like a stud'...I work with a guy like that. I've pointed out to him that some of the girls we work with that he warned me were '*******' when I started have always been kind to me, and I do nothing to garner it. No, I never saw the point in that--it's not me. But I gotta agree with you on the point of never knowing by not giving women 'undeserved attention'. I DO really want to overcome that, and it's what struck me enough about my encounter earlier to post about it.
It's just SO difficult when I've been told by female friends, relatives, co-workers--'yeah, I like to pull blah blah blah bull**** from time to time, because I can.' Women I've dated have told me that my aloofness drew them in, but you can't wait around for the next woman to be drawn to you by your disinterest (I think we all might get one shot at a woman approaching you based off that, and even then you have to have something going for yourself).
Let me ask you this - what would be worse to you - making a woman feel good about herself that has no interest in you or ignoring a woman that you might actually find happiness with?
There are a couple of guys like you on this forum. ... One of them has nothing but bad luck in dating and tries to seem like a stud because he rejects women before they will reject him, but people see through that and pity him.
Given that the one is 6'4" and the other is 6'5", I think the two of them should meet and go out for an evening. It would have to be an early evening as "Mr A" is terrified to go out much after dark - but he could take along his infamous Rule Book for discussion purposes. They might make it through the first of the 2000+ pages in a couple of hours and who knows but that he and BobCaldwell may have a most enjoyable time and form a wonderful friendship.
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Even if she was looking around, even if she bent over for whatever, it hardly seems to be a clear cut case of somebody trying to get you to stroke their ego.
Newsflash: not every woman wants constant attention, not every woman is trying to get your attention in particular - and I'd like to think that if I did really want to get a guy's attention, and not just to boost my own ego but in hopes of actually getting a date, I'd be a bit more clever than fixing my shoe and asking "Did you order yet?"
