Should I Leave Him For Another Man? (long-term, married, woman)
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8 years is about 6 years too many. Ok, 4 years, since you were young. But no, this guy isn't moving towards a future with you. New man or not, cut your losses and move on.
I would hold off on telling him about the 8 year relationship. Usually when people bring up having just ended a long relationship, and are so soon seeing someone new, people will think they're just a rebound.
Even if he isn't, that thought may be on his mind. So I would say tell him you want to take things slowly after a few dates, get to know him and bring that up, but just don't bring up the 8 year relationship part. They can be seen as a red flag for some.
Good point VanillaChocolate. Suppose I do end up dating the new man, how far into the dating process should I mention the 8-year relationship? And I am absolutely not looking at him as a "rebound". There's just something incredibly easy-going about this man when I see and talk to him. I just feel very relaxed and at ease with him, and happy. There are many other men at my business, but I've just never felt this way about any other man (of course besides my current boyfriend when I met him 8 years ago).
It really amazes me sometimes how I see so many posts here with people staying with someone in an obvious dead-end relationship hoping things will magically change. Just proves how some would rather be in a relationship...any relationship...rather than be on their own no matter how bad it is. Sorry OP, but if he is the same after eight years he's not going to change and it's time to end this now. If it had been me it would have ended about six years ago. I'd also take some time to be on your own and do some self-reflection before you jump into something right away.
Good point VanillaChocolate. Suppose I do end up dating the new man, how far into the dating process should I mention the 8-year relationship? And I am absolutely not looking at him as a "rebound". There's just something incredibly easy-going about this man when I see and talk to him. I just feel very relaxed and at ease with him, and happy. There are many other men at my business, but I've just never felt this way about any other man (of course besides my current boyfriend when I met him 8 years ago).
Really it doesn't need to be brought up at all. When I think about that coming up, it'd be way down the line after you two are an official monogamous couple and have been for a while lol.
Like if you 2 chatted, and you complimented him saying "I am so glad I met you. At first I was in a bad 8 year relationship with someone who wasn't compatible and we weren't going anywhere, I am glad I had sense enough to get out, because it gave me a chance to be with you." Something like that, after you 2 have become official and stable couple.
But even that may be pushing it. So I would say avoid that period. You don't have to lie to him, but he just doesn't need to know all your past story. He just need to know who you are now. A stable, single, interested woman.
That's a mistake many make. They reveal too much info and a potential or current partner can't handle it, then it causes rift. Like the infamous questions of "How many sex partners" has one had. Some who reveal a large number automatically disgust one partner, then everything seems to change when they hear something like "I had over 200 women and alot of them were prostitutes.." Many probably don't want to know that. So usually guys and women don't volunteer certain info.
Last edited by HappyRain; 03-06-2015 at 08:45 PM..
He sounds like a man child. Can he at least boil water for Kraft Dinner?
Well you're making me laugh right now Kimbo because his mother is cooking for him all his life and literally brings the food to his table every day, as does the sister. I have never personally seen him cook anything besides grilling food in the summer. However, he does construction projects on his real estate properties after his daily job, so he gets home too late to cook anything, even if he knew how to cook.
Your BF is happy with the relationship as it is, and why not? He does what he wants and gets away with it because you have stayed for 8 years. You will probably always love him for the good side that you've stayed for, but you'll never have the life you want with him. It's time to move on and pursue the life you want.
PS don't breath a word about him or the length of time you were with him when you start dating. It will sound too disfunctional.
Last edited by Harpaint; 03-06-2015 at 08:37 PM..
Reason: addition
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They can be seen as a red flag for some.
because his mother is cooking for him all his life and literally brings the food to his table every day, as does the sister. I have never personally seen him cook anything besides grilling food in the summer. However, he does construction projects on his real estate properties after his daily job, so he gets home too late to cook anything, even if he knew how to cook.
