Having problems because of lack of "modern" communication devices (girlfriends, young)
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I don't think this has as much to do with technology as wanting to feel connected to other people. I like feeling connected to other people. You would rather not feel connected to other people.
I don't think this has as much to do with technology as wanting to feel connected to other people. I like feeling connected to other people. You would rather not feel connected to other people.
I have lots of connections. I have a freakin' HUGE family and more friends than I can keep up with. But I have never wanted or needed to be constantly in touch with them. Honestly my happiest times are when I am completely alone and unavailable via phone. Running with my music blasting, swimming in the ocean, on a solo road trip (phone stays in purse), spending a spring day working in the yard, even one of those rare times when I go to the mall just to window shop...I treasure those times. It may be that I have so little of that time to myself that I treasure it so much...I dunno. But being available via cell sort of spoils that for me. I don't know how to explain it.
I have lots of connections. I have a freakin' HUGE family and more friends than I can keep up with. But I have never wanted or needed to be constantly in touch with them. Honestly my happiest times are when I am completely alone and unavailable via phone. Running with my music blasting, swimming in the ocean, on a solo road trip (phone stays in purse), spending a spring day working in the yard, even one of those rare times when I go to the mall just to window shop...I treasure those times. It may be that I have so little of that time to myself that I treasure it so much...I dunno. But being available via cell sort of spoils that for me. I don't know how to explain it.
Exactly - you don't need to feel connected to them. I'm not talking about connections - I'm talking about feeling connected. They are two different things.
Here's the thing - some people simply want to be more isolated. Some people want to be able to reach out to others more often - and want to feel people reach out to them more often. If I'm with my husband and our children - we don't need our cell phones. Our friends can wait and our families are so far away that if anything happened - we wouldn't be able to rush over right away anyway. But my husband and I like feeling connected to each other. I like being able to text him or call him with a question - and I like that he actually likes hearing my voice or seeing my texts. And I feel the same way about him I don't have to wait until he comes home from work if I want to tell him something. And even though I don't need to talk to my friends all the time - I like that we can have a quick chat or text back and forth no matter where we are. Cell phones simply make things more convenient. Both people don't have to be sitting at home in order to get in touch with each other. In this day and age, lots of people have completely different schedules and sometimes both people simply aren't home at the same time. Now, if one person refuses to use a cell phone - then basically the other person has to make themselves more available or they just won't be able to talk as much. And it's fine if both people are okay with it - or if they don't need to feel that connected to each other.
You've said before that you have no desire to live with someone or get married again and you can't imagine knowing where your boyfriend is all the time. You have a different mindset than many people - and that's not a bad thing or a good thing - it's just how you are. And your boyfriend must be the same way if you guys are happy. But in this day and age where it's so easy to get in touch with people, most people like to feel more connected to the person they are seeing. Technology makes it easier - but I don't think the root of this issue is technology itself.
You have a different mindset than many people - and that's not a bad thing or a good thing - it's just how you are. And your boyfriend must be the same way if you guys are happy.
Agreed.
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Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
But in this day and age where it's so easy to get in touch with people, most people like to feel more connected to the person they are seeing. Technology makes it easier - but I don't think the root of this issue is technology itself.
I think that the technology changes peoples expectations.. It's annoying to me when say, my brother gets pissed off because I am not at the other end of the phone when he calls. Or anyone for that matter. He is a great example of one that lives and breathes by his phone...and he expects others to be the same. (And he is def not a 20-something! ) THAT is what I find annoying. The expectation that others should be always available, instant communication; instant gratification. I do think that technology has absolutely created that expectation.
That said, the smartphone is certainly a VERY convenient tool, and I do enjoy the conveniences that it offers me. But I could certainly live without it. Not sure I would want to be without a cell phone at all though...for emergencies it is a very good thing to have around.
I think that the technology changes peoples expectations.. It's annoying to me when say, my brother gets pissed off because I am not at the other end of the phone when he calls. Or anyone for that matter. He is a great example of one that lives and breathes by his phone...and he expects others to be the same. (And he is def not a 20-something! ) THAT is what I find annoying. The expectation that others should be always available, instant communication; instant gratification. I do think that technology has absolutely created that expectation.
That said, the smartphone is certainly a VERY convenient tool, and I do enjoy the conveniences that it offers me. But I could certainly live without it. Not sure I would want to be without a cell phone at all though...for emergencies it is a very good thing to have around.
I am specifically talking about dating relationships though, for the most part. The OP is talking about dating - so while I don't always need to feel connected to my friends and family - I do enjoy feeling connected to my husband.
I am specifically talking about dating relationships though, for the most part. The OP is talking about dating - so while I don't always need to feel connected to my friends and family - I do enjoy feeling connected to my husband.
I guess I don't make that distinction. Surely a factor in why I don't have the urge to marry.
OP, you shouldn't feel the need to justify your preferences to people. Do whatever you want. However, people have no reason to give you special treatment because of your preferences. If they choose not to date you because of your preferences, that's their choice.
If I did have the option to text or talk on the phone while out by carrying a cell phone but didn't answer it like you said, that would make me rude because I am willfully ignoring someone..but I actually don't have one so why is it such a big deal to call me at home? There is no other option to contact me because it's all I have...so what is so bothersome about it? I am actually curious as to what's actually behind it.
Is it the fact that I havent "adapted" so to speak?
Is it the fact that I'm not always readily available?
Or is it the fact that people just don't like talking anymore?
I want to know why it bothers people
In my very first reply to you (#2 in this thread) I said:
Quote:
having a cell phone and carrying it with you doesn't mean you have to be available all the time and respond immediately to any message. You can have one and still be in total control of it, not a slave to it.
It's easy and convenient, and if people know you don't answer texts quickly, then they don't expect it, but at least they can get the message through to you to read when you have the inclination.
My husband has an app on his phone where he can answer the house phone on his cell. That's a little too Jetsons for me.
I don't reach for my phone every time I get a notification, and I screen the phone calls as well if I'm not up to talking to anyone at the moment they call. Nothing about my cell phone has me controlled by it. It's all about convenience and I think people don't understand why, when you have a cell phone, you purposely don't use it and opt for a less convenient route of communication.
I wonder if people had these types of conversations once the automobile was invented and someone purposely dug in their heels and continued to use their horse and buggy.
So I should do something that I'm uncomfortable with to "keep up with the times"?
To a degree, yes. At least do the bare minimum and take your cell phone with you when you go out.
When I was your age, I was afraid of driving and didn't like the expense and hassle of having a car. But finally I had to break down and learn to drive and get a car. I still think it's ridiculous that most of our transportation infrastructure is set up only for cars. But it is what it is. In my late 30s, I was finally able to set up my life so that I can walk to work....so it took me many years to pull that off. Sometimes we have to make compromises.
Some uphill battles are worth fighting. Others are not.
The automobile universally improved people's lives...it also took like 50 years to really catch on. Every family having a car started in the 50s..even little towns or cities that are mad car centric now had public transport (Montgomery Alabama anyone?)
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But I have never wanted or needed to be constantly in touch with them. Honestly my happiest times are when I am completely alone and unavailable via phone. Running with my music blasting, swimming in the ocean, on a solo road trip (phone stays in purse), spending a spring day working in the yard, even one of those rare times when I go to the mall just to window shop...I treasure those times. It may be that I have so little of that time to myself that I treasure it so much...I dunno. But being available via cell sort of spoils that for me. I don't know how to explain it. 
) THAT is what I find annoying. The expectation that others should be always available, instant communication; instant gratification. I do think that technology has absolutely created that expectation. 
