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I'm a 22 year old single guy, born and raised here in Brooklyn NY, Irish/Italian descent, car salesmen for a living and own my home (inherited). I don't think I am perfect by any means but I am confident that I am a decent person and not as completely undateable as it is starting to seem.
The last few people I have tried to date, guys and girls have complained that my lack of "modern" communication outlets makes me seem like I am trying to hide something and anti-social. Which is not true at all. I love socialising and I am not hiding anything. I just don't like a lot of the newer technology and think it's too much. My generations need for constant communication is so stupid, but for people who need to always communicate they really dislike talking.
I don't have any social networking profiles, and my cell phone is not a smart phone and it is difficult to text on. Regardless most of the time unless I am going somewhere that I am going to be out overnight, I don't bring my cell phone..it has 100 minutes on it anyways and it's main purpose is to call 911 or triple A or an emergency cab etc., I can count the times I have used it since I got it a year ago on one hand, and its my first phone that my mom basically forced me to get. The only way to contact me that is truly reliable is to call my home phone, and if I don't answer (which means I am not home) leave me a voicemail. I have not ever had a social networking account and my email is really just for work. I am not good with anything complicated on the computer and I don't like the fact that any info you put is always out there. With cell phones, they are great for safety things but I don't see the need to talk to someone while in the super market or walking my dog or something, it's just wierd for me.
I've gotten accused of having a double life, being shady, and called a recluse.
People are so averse to talking on the phone, that's how I enjoy getting to know someone: we exchange numbers and call each other and talk, but according to someone I was seeing "that's wierd and awkward". I think getting to know someone is wierd and awkward, things are all about how you say them. Also, for me at least texting is time consuming and saying "I'm fine, what about you?" takes about 3 seconds in real life, but about 90 seconds texting.
Conversely people feel as if I must be accessible constantly, I don't need to spend my life on the phone, it's ridiculous. For some reason it is so wierd that when I am at Target buying new bedsheets that I'm not availiable to speak. I had a conversation with a lady they went like this:
"What if you're not home and I want to tell you something but you're at work?"
"You wait till I get home."
"But what if I want to tell you then and need to hear back right then?!?"
"You can't. You have to wait till I get home to call you. If you want to make sure I call you when I get home than leave a message on the answering machine. I guess if you really need to say it you can tell it to my machine, but I won't hear it until I'm home."
"Wow you're so selfish"
What the hell? Am I really doing something wrong? I love the feeling of not being connected to anything but my surroundings. People are so out of touch with what's happening where they are at because instead of just focusing on what they are doing, they have to constantly be in communication with everyone or else they get freaked out and feel like they are missing something.
Would my lack of communication options beside a landline be a deal breaker? It's blowing my mind that this is even a big deal.
I agree that we seem to be crippling our social skills, but at the same time, having a cell phone and carrying it with you doesn't mean you have to be available all the time and respond immediately to any message. You can have one and still be in total control of it, not a slave to it.
I do think you're creating a hardship for yourself if you're tying all of your communication methods to being at home or going home to retrieve messages. The world around you is making and solidifying plans while you wait until the end of the workday to drive home to find out what's going on. Even my own mother, at 68, got a Blackberry and learned to text. She always preferred talking on the phone to texting, but even she wanted to keep up.
i too rarely use my cell phone for anything more than basic phone communication, though i do text people now and then. young people these days expect that everyone is instantly available 24/7, and that wasnt the case even 20 years ago.
in my opinion, if people cant wait for you to respond to them, then they have the problem not you.
I have had a smart phone for 8 years. In all of that time the (6?) girls I have dated have not had a problem if I didn't get right back with them. That said I wouldn't be surprised if the early adult ladies were different. Technology has changed a lot.
I think if you were a bit older this wouldn't be a huge deal (I don't think its a big deal, lol) but this is what people kind of expect these days.
Although webmail is not complicated... Maybe this could be a compromise.
People in all generations have had to keep up with the times to some extent, sometimes in ways that they don't particularly enjoy. If you begin getting behind at your young age you'll most likely find yourself not only lonely, but also behind at work. Many people like my sons use their smart phones regularly in their jobs, not solely for socializing.
You'll probably be best off to just accept that the tech world is here to stay; but as you make more friends there will also be social gatherings with chances for old fashioned talking. Good Luck with this and have a very happy life!
People in all generations have had to keep up with the times to some extent, sometimes in ways that they don't particularly enjoy. If you begin getting behind at your young age you'll most likely find yourself not only lonely, but also behind at work. Many people like my sons use their smart phones regularly in their jobs, not solely for socializing.
You'll probably be best off to just accept that the tech world is here to stay; but as you make more friends there will also be social gatherings with chances for old fashioned talking. Good Luck with this and have a very happy life!
So I should do something that I'm uncomfortable with to "keep up with the times"? I could see if I was sending people telegraphs in morse and directing guests to an outhouse when they had to pee.
Do you really think long term it will affect my love life that much? I am thinking my problem was because I was dating too far out of my social class..you know college girl types. I am hoping that if I find women like me who come from less fancy backgrounds it won't be such an issue. I just really don't like the idea of being connected when I'm not at home. I know people can say "you don't have to answer it" but then why bring it? So I know that I can be reached while buying TP and sitting on the bus!? It's wierd to me. I want to talk to people, not just dating prospects but friends too. My buddies don't even wanna talk on the phone for a few minutes any more, it's just "text me" it bothers me so much to the point where I'm basically like, "if you don't want to hear my voice when we communicate we have nothing to communicate about."
What kind of job does your sons need a smartphone for? Even though I graduated college and got an entry level position at the corporate office of a large bank, I quit after 6 weeks because I could not see myself functioning in such a formal an professional enviroment where you always had to worry if you said the wrong thing you would get sued by someone and everyone was just too "high class" for me. Now I work at a car dealership and I am happy although I would like to take off the tie so I am working on transitioning into a more industrial type of position or perhaps detailing cars.
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