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Is this another one of those "I'm a nice guy so why don't women like me" threads?
Here's the deal. Women do indeed like intelligent guys. But, above all, women like men who love their lives. As in guys who know how to have fun. Men who don't slink into a room like a dog with a haircut. Men who aren't total nebbishes. Because you can have the IQ of Tesla, but if you're essentially afraid of your own shadow and dress as if the clothes are flung on you with a pitchfork, they're not going to care.
So if women are ignoring you, it isn't because they are shallow. They are ignoring you because you're dull.
This. All of this.
I'm married to a smart guy. I prefer intelligent men. I am an intelligent woman. They do, however, need to be interesting people who have good social skills.
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Ask any woman to describe the type of guy she's attracted to, and inevitably the word "intelligent" will be in the mix. However, I see no evidence of this playing out in real life. Some of the most unintelligent guys I know are able to score high-caliber women, and on the other hand the super intelligent guys I know struggle with women. I know geniuses who can't get a date to save their life.
Profile of the typical guy my age who does well with women:
Moderate to good looks
Confident (necessarily overconfident, big talker)
Showy: lives paycheck-to-paycheck but has a nice apartment, nice car, goes on lots of trips, goes out to a lot of bars/clubs
Profile of the typical intelligent guy my age:
Bad to decent looks
Unconfident, although he should be confident about (good job, good savings, good health)
Has real hobbies
I'm sorry you don't see this in real life. I really did like his brain. He thinks I'm smart too, and it's a good feeling to be admired by someone whose opinion you value. I never got along with jocks or frat boys, so I have no advice about that type of girl. Your reference to "high caliber" makes me think you like to think a lot about status.
Oh, a vacation fling or something for a night might work, and they might have had different standards in their 20s (or been drawn to different things), ...
To a certain degree, we are all susceptible to falling back on our instincts, temporarily, and according to our individual circumstances, so I don't hold it against those women. Sometimes the social environment is not very conducive to a more intellectually developed relationship. It's difficult out there for intellectuals, no denying that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shankapotomus
To a certain degree, we are all susceptible to falling back on our instincts, temporarily, and according to our individual circumstances, so I don't hold it against those women. Sometimes the social environment is not very conducive to a more intellectually developed relationship. It's difficult out there for intellectuals, no denying that.
Well, I'm not sure what could be held against them, even if you wanted to. There is nothing wrong with vacationship flings, or whatever, they serve their purposes.
I think certain areas are better for intellectuals that others. Where I live now, Boston area, is certainly a good thing. I think it would be hard to not be an intellectual and try to date here. Other places I've lived like SF, Madison, etc are similar.
Some places I've lived like Ft Wayne and way out theresville KY, I think it would be difficult.
This is an apples to oranges comparison, which means there's no comparison.
A "hot" guy with modest intelligence, modest income and an outgoing personality will have more one night stands and flings than a homely guy with high intelligence, above average income and an insular personality.
It's the same thing for women. A "hot" girl that's outgoing will have more success getting dates than a homely girl that's not chatty.
We can't have everything. Intelligent, ugly, financially secure men can have lasting relationships with wonderful women. The issue is that some of these guys want FHM/Playboy magazine-type women. They want to pull the same women that Biff McBeefcake is pulling. IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN (unless you're rich/wealthy)! Conversely, Biff McBeefcake would have a hard time pulling a moderately attractive but highly intelligent and balanced woman.
When I say pull, I mean dating and forming a relationship. I suspect the OP is talking about flings and one-night stands. Nerdier guys, if they're less attractive, will not have as much casual sex as Biff McBeefcake. The flip side is that the nerd is more likely to be involved in mutually healthy and loving relationships. Casual sex means everything to single men until you find that special lady.
You have no idea how this plays out in real life. All you know is your observations, which are limited to your friends, all of whom (you state) are in your narrow age-range. From your experience, you'd be lead to conclude that intelligent men aren't good-looking, which is ridiculous. And that they don't live paycheck-to-paycheck, which is also not true across the board, or that they're not confident; also not true in the broader view.
Intelligent guys don't have to be good with women. They only have to find the woman for them. And some women search out those guys, and do the approaching. They're looking for guys who are smart, humble/not showy, and stable, steady. So some of those guys have women coming to them, in spite of average or below-average looks.
Reality is tremendously nuanced and varied. It defies pigeon-holing. Hopefully, in another 10 years or so, you'll have enough experience to realize that.
Yes, intelligence is not related to looks. You can have an intelligent and attractive man. You can have an intelligent and unattractive man.
I would only date intelligent men. I wanted smart children. (I also looked for nice, hard working,and attractive dates.)
Is this another one of those "I'm a nice guy so why don't women like me" threads?
Here's the deal. Women do indeed like intelligent guys. But, above all, women like men who love their lives. As in guys who know how to have fun. Men who don't slink into a room like a dog with a haircut. Men who aren't total nebbishes. Because you can have the IQ of Tesla, but if you're essentially afraid of your own shadow and dress as if the clothes are flung on you with a pitchfork, they're not going to care.
So if women are ignoring you, it isn't because they are shallow. They are ignoring you because you're dull.
This comment cracked me up. Yes, women do like intelligent men as long as that's not the only good feature they have.
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