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I think if someone were to tell me this, my self esteem would be crushed. And you said he's a shy guy, so obviously he already has low self esteem. I wouldn't tell him, directly at least. At the most I would hint at it. Sex isn't everything. Learn to pleasure yourself. I've done it all my life.
I mean if it's really important to you, tell him, but man.... he's gonna lose his manhood big time...
Dude. DUDE.
First off, shy does not necessarily mean low self esteem, he may just be more of an introvert. That's not a bad thing unless it means you're too wrapped up in yourself to meet your partner's needs.
Anyway, assuming the relationship is serious and lasts for any decent amount of time, the topic is eventually going to come up. If you think it's going to be hard for him to hear that he hasn't been getting her off for the last 3-4 months or so, how do you think he'll handle realizing he hasn't gotten her across the finish line in 10 years? Or worse, to learn that she took his advice about taking responsibility for her own orgasms by finding a guy who could give her one?
If he can't handle hearing a harsh truth about himself and working to improve it, I'd say he doesn't have that much manhood to lose in the first place.
Great sex is not just about the destination, but the journey as well. Some people do not get that or do not care much about experiencing the journey. You can not get wild passion from a passion-less person. Or he is simply selfish & who wants a selfish lover?
Great sex is not just about the destination, but the journey as well. Some people do not get that or do not care much about experiencing the journey. You can not get wild passion from a passion-less person. Or he is simply selfish & who wants a selfish lover?
oh brother...
abc should hire you to write dialogue for those bachelor/bachelorette shows
just throw in a few "amazings" in the mix and you're gold
There's a difference between cluelessly terrible in bed, and willfully terrible. The former is usually willing to learn, the latter isn't. The latter is a huge red flag. It really says something about his character.
Exactly!
Although, I also know men who want to please their partners, and it's the woman who isn't forthcoming about what gets her off. She's too shy/embarassed/uncomfortable with her body, yet is still blaming him for it. A 'bff' of mine was like this with her ex, and eventually realized what a mistake she had made.
I tried, very gently and after reading many Cosmo articles to "help" a lover be a better kisser. I can deal with bad sex much better than bad kissing. Yea, crushed him, made him very self aware etc.
And honestly I think somethings you can fix and some things you can't. Think about it. Please touch me here vs. please touch me like this. They may be able to do the former but not the latter.
Good luck.
Damn. Yeah, I gotta go with what an earlier poster said: there's a difference between being clueless and bad in bed. Clueless is what we all were in our 20s. I still wish I could send the first three chicks I ever had sex white roses as an apology for the bad oral and four minutes of awkward thrusting I put them through. But eventually I picked up a book or two, and got with a girl who was willing to, uh, teach me the ropes, and I've been good ever since (now I'm up to seven minutes!).
You might have to try to have a very frank conversation with him, and if he isn't willing to improve, I don't see your relationship lasting...at least not without a battery-operated device...
Damn. Yeah, I gotta go with what an earlier poster said: there's a difference between being clueless and bad in bed. Clueless is what we all were in our 20s. I still wish I could send the first three chicks I ever had sex white roses as an apology for the bad oral and four minutes of awkward thrusting I put them through. But eventually I picked up a book or two, and got with a girl who was willing to, uh, teach me the ropes, and I've been good ever since (now I'm up to seven minutes!).
You might have to try to have a very frank conversation with him, and if he isn't willing to improve, I don't see your relationship lasting...at least not without a battery-operated device...
Nah, don't do that. It wasn't all on you. What works for one woman probably won't for for others. Which gets a chuckle from me when a woman claims to want a guy "with experience". Not sure what that nets you, because what works for a guy and the last partner may not for later partners.
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to "help" a lover be a better kisser. I can deal with bad sex much better than bad kissing. Yea, crushed him, made him very self aware etc. 