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And you know the guy personally so you feel comfortable passing judgment on him and labeling him a selfish jerk!? Maybe he is, but nobody here knows him except for the OP, so how can you accurately make sweeping judgments about the guy? Maybe he is a selfish lover but an all-around great guy in total. We don't know him.
One cannot simultaneously be a selfish lover AND an all-around great person in total.
Long story short. Been with boyfriend for 5 months. Waited to do the deed. When it finally happened in December, it was awkward, terrible and over very quickly. I put it down to first time nerves as he is quite a shy guy, except every time since then the sex has got shorter and shorter - the last time it was over in less than 2 minutes flat. I am getting more and more frustrated because he doesn't really do foreplay and when he does its not very good. He expects Mod cut..
I've tried to talk to him about this in a very gentle way because I know it is a sore point for most men. Mod cut. He said its my responsibility whether I get anything out of sex (though I think this was just him being defensive). Its a weird situation because to me he feels very inexperienced but he was in a relationship with someone for 3 years before he met me.
I really like him aside from this but the sex situation is really getting me down.
Mod comment 03/17/15: This thread has been cleaned up. People, please remember to keep it PG-13. The topic can easily be discussed without using graphic language.
Carry on.
Look up some porn that includes foreplay that YOU would want HIM to do to you and then SHOW it to him. Keep finding videos and showing him over, and over, and over, until he finally gets it down. Once you show him a video, try and have sex with him one or two days later.
Tell him NOT to jack off to this porn because it will cause serious libido issues down the road. He really has to be willing to learn though. Or he could buy a foreplay sex book, ask a friend, ask me, or just advice in general. But he has to be willing to change.
Or actually, rent the movie "50 Shades of Gray" and tell him exactly what scene you would want him to do to you.
And you know the guy personally so you feel comfortable passing judgment on him and labeling him a selfish jerk!? Maybe he is, but nobody here knows him except for the OP, so how can you accurately make sweeping judgments about the guy? Maybe he is a selfish lover but an all-around great guy in total. We don't know him.
These comments on here are why I never tell on here what goes between me and my girlfriend. These posters are like vultures.
One cannot simultaneously be a selfish lover AND an all-around great person in total.
Depends on how you look at it. Maybe his unselfish acts greatly outweigh his selfish acts, so percentage-wise, he'd be an all-around great guy. Or maybe to some people the sexual stuff means nothing when it comes to evaluating a person's character or worth. Or......depends on the criteria I guess.
These comments on here are why I never tell on here what goes between me and my girlfriend. These posters are like vultures.
Many are like that online, and it's a shame. No reason why people can't maturely and respectfully discuss any topic without getting mean-spirited, petty, and disrespectful -- but often people get offended, or overly emotional, or frustrated, and then the primal parts of the brain take over and manners and civility go bye bye.
OP, if you want to try to help things get better, and assuming he is receptive to learning something, I second this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer
Look up some porn that includes foreplay that YOU would want HIM to do to you and then SHOW it to him.
There's tons of terrible stuff out there, but some of it is pretty good. It can be hard to give instructions, even more so when you're not sure how to explain what you DO want. Find something that looks enjoyable to you and show it to him. I think most guys would love to hear a sincere, "Oh my God, that was the best I have ever had."
Look up some porn that includes foreplay that YOU would want HIM to do to you and then SHOW it to him. Keep finding videos and showing him over, and over, and over, until he finally gets it down. Once you show him a video, try and have sex with him one or two days later.
Tell him NOT to jack off to this porn because it will cause serious libido issues down the road.
I admit I haven't read all the responses, but I don't think anyone is BAD in bed. Rather I think there are people who are inexperienced, who haven't been with partners they can really be intimate with. I remember in my late teens, early 20's being soooooo self conscious. Wanting to please the man I was with, but not comfortable enough with my own sexuality to TALK about what I wanted, what felt good.
As time and experiences went on, I got more confident, more comfortable, more open. The best sex I ever had was with a partner I felt no inhibitions with. No nervousness, no self-consciousness, completely open to. We clicked intellectually which for me, if want to be in my bed, you have to stimulate my mind first. Sex with him gets better every time.
The bottom line is this: No one was a great lover the first time they had sex. But with the right partners, the right experiences, you get better every time.
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