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That's tough.
You might end up losing her as a friend, but think of it this way, if she treats your friendship like that, why keep her as a friend?
If she doesn't understand you want to stay friends with both of them, then it's too bad for her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sherrenee
I have been friends with M and J since High School.
They got divorced because of alot of reasons. No abuse, no cheating. M treated him quite badly, she was very controlling, wanted him to change everything about himself (he is Hispanic, catholic, very family oriented), she wanted him to become baptist, not spend so much time with his family, not use his given name, not work at his family owned business, she was very jealous, she didn't want to have children and he did etc. He had just had enough and realized that it was never going to work. They should have never gotten married period.
I have never agreed with how she treated him, and have told her that. you can be with someone and expect to change them. But I have honestly tried to stay neutral.
I have been friends with M and J since High School.
They got divorced because of alot of reasons. No abuse, no cheating. M treated him quite badly, she was very controlling, wanted him to change everything about himself (he is Hispanic, catholic, very family oriented), she wanted him to become baptist, not spend so much time with his family, not use his given name, not work at his family owned business, she was very jealous, she didn't want to have children and he did etc. He had just had enough and realized that it was never going to work. They should have never gotten married period.
I have never agreed with how she treated him, and have told her that. you can be with someone and expect to change them. But I have honestly tried to stay neutral.
This sounds a lot like a couple I know. And in the case of my friends, "she" was controlling and mistreated "him" for years. And after the divorce, she calls him "the monster"
I think you are doing the right thing. I'd say just keep being fair and honest and hopefully some day she will see the light.
My first reaction is that she is being immature and unreasonable. That being said, I personally keep a distance from the husbands of my friends whether they are together or apart. I was burned once, really badly, and realized it was treacherous territory. (My best friend of 10+ years decided that now that I was married, she wanted to be friends with us as a couple now, started emailing my husband at work, it gets much worse.) So, in any couple, the woman is my friend, and the man is married to my friend. If they split, I would stick with her, but would, within limits, reserve judgment and would stay friendly to him if I ran into him somewhere, etc. But this is just me and what works for me and I don't really mean it as advice to you. If you were really friends with both of them, then the idea that you should have to stop communicating with him seems silly.
My first reaction is that she is being immature and unreasonable. That being said, I personally keep a distance from the husbands of my friends whether they are together or apart. I was burned once, really badly, and realized it was treacherous territory. (My best friend of 10+ years decided that now that I was married, she wanted to be friends with us as a couple now, started emailing my husband at work, it gets much worse.) So, in any couple, the woman is my friend, and the man is married to my friend. If they split, I would stick with her, but would, within limits, reserve judgment and would stay friendly to him if I ran into him somewhere, etc. But this is just me and what works for me and I don't really mean it as advice to you. If you were really friends with both of them, then the idea that you should have to stop communicating with him seems silly.
Men and women, married or single, can be friends. Good friends. I don't necessarily mean that married men should be going out to dinner alone with female friends... but if you got burned, this is likely more a reflection of the person that you chose to be friends with.
Lets see.... This reminds me of High school??
If you were very close to both, she needs to understand that.. If she was truely one of your friends she would.. Just because they arent together anymore, doesnt exactly mean that you can't be friends with both..
To me she must be older than 16 isnt she?
if shes a grown adult i think she needs to remind her self that its not high school and its time to move on. yes her marriage did not work out, which is understanable because most marriages now days dont. She cannot just assume that you wouldnt be friends with someone anymore just because she isnt with him anymore or if she doesnt like him..
Personally...I wouldnt even want that girl for a friend.. Because to me its seems you are trying to be there for her and shes not accepting, then thats not a very goood friend.. So keep being a good person but if she doesnt want to be your friend at least you have that guy friend to have in your life....
was that any help??
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