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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Yeah, its a serious drug, but E or Molli, coke, special k, etc are all fairly commonly used by people in their 20s when partying. Or it was the 90s when I was in my 20s. I never wanted to waste the money myself, and I was never a huge late night partier, etc. But still. It's not a sky is falling thing.
There is some really scary stuff now like meth / ice and the opiates that weren't really around (where I was) when I was in my 20s, that's some super scary stuff.
There are real flags here, for certain, but that wasn't a big one.
Yes, the "entertainment budget" woman. As I've said in another post, I think a lot of it was driven by fear of going back on the dating market. It was so terrible the last time I did it. I feel like I have a lot to offer, and I was getting blown off left and right. So I was just trying to work through this and hope that it would evolve into something better. There were definitely bright spots, but it's been more bleak and uncertain than hopeful. That much I can say for sure.
Sticking it out was more or less the fear of having to deal with the dating market again. It's just terrible. But yeah, that's not worth it, I know.
OK, I get that you're feeling battered by the dating process in general. Time to take a break. You're in finance? Consider offering your skills on a volunteer basis to a non-profit. Get involved in a project that excites you, and see what that does for you. You're spinning your wheels with this relationship, so end it, and don't look back. Look forward. You're dragging yourself down with this, hurting your own self-esteem. Get something going on in your life that you can enjoy, and that gives you a sense of purpose and meaning.
I think this is definitely a mismatch. You are ready to settle down while she is still looking to have fun. She seems very immature for her age. I met my husband when I was just shy of 22 and had our first baby at 25. If she is acting like this at 24, I think it will take her longer to get to the next phase of life. She also seems to want different things out of a relationship. She wants a care taker and provider while you want something more equal. I would just end it now and take a break fr dating. Sometimes you find what you need when you stop looking .
Cocaine is a pretty serious drug though. You can actually die from it. It's not even comparable to weed IMO.
But I wouldn't consider her a coke-freak either. She's only done it one since I've been around her, and maybe once or twice prior to that she told me about.
well, in this case, it reflects a difference in values that may be spilling over into other prejudices and assessment of respective behaviors. in certain social circles, clubs-recreational drugs-drinking and vegas style partying are familiar experiences (i've done/do it, no biggie who care what others think). for others, not so much. and then some ppl just grow out of it, others never recover.
I've been dating this woman for over three months and there are some things that really stick out to me that are making it difficult for me to want to commit any further. Some of you may be familiar with her from previous posts a few months ago.
She's 24, I'm 29. So she's relatively young compared to me which might be part of the issue here.
Red flags include:
* She always talks about money. This seems to be a very important thing to her. The other day, she went on and on about how her friend was marrying this rich guy and how he was so perfect for her because she needed a man with money. She also lives this lavish lifestyle (fancy apartment, multiple international trips per year, goes out on the town pretty frequently for drinks/food), but always complains about the lack of money she makes as a school teacher. She once made a remark about whether or not I had an "entertainment" budget when I refused to pay for some drinks of hers (it was because of a bet we made; I offered to pay for one drink).
* I witnessed her do cocaine once when we were hanging out with a group of people at her friend's apartment. She claims that this is not something she does on a regular basis, and I haven't observed any more occasions such as this. But still...cocaine!
* I do so much for her, yet she seems to be more about herself. I've initiated and taken her out many times, paid for drinks/meals, brought her flowers on multiple occasions, taken her out on nice dates, picked her up from the airport when she's needed, cooked her several meals, etc. She's done a few things for me, like cooked me dinner one night in three months and brought me back a small gift from her recent trip to Mexico. But I still feel like I'm not really a major priority to her at this point. I feel like she just sees me as this convenient companion that keeps her company when she's bored.
* After three months of dating, I feel like communication should pick up more. But it's still sporadic. For instance, I didn't hear from her all day Monday, and had to initiate conversation yesterday. We don't really have deep, intimate conversations about our lives. Our conversations seem more shallow. I typically have to rely on my friends to have these types of conversations. On occasion, she'll ask me how things are with work, but it's pretty seldom (I think I can count on one hand how many times this has happened).
Does this sound to you like not a very good fit? Or does this sound like par for the course? Should I hold out and try to grow into this and make it work? I'm just trying not to jump ship so quickly, as that seems to be an issue I have when things look bleak.
well, in this case, it reflects a difference in values that may be spilling over into other prejudices and assessment of respective behaviors. in certain social circles, clubs-recreational drugs-drinking and vegas style partying are familiar experiences (i've done/do it, no biggie who care what others think). for others, not so much. and then some ppl just grow out of it, others never recover.
The cocaine wasn't really that big of a deal to be honest. It was just one of the red flags I figured I'd mention to give more insight into the overall picture.
It's the lack of communication and constant talk about money that bothers me more.
Yeah, I'd move on after witnessing the cocaine thing. I've left a date before because of that.
If someone is that comfortable early on to do that in front of me, it's telling of their relationship with the drug and what kind of people they socialize with. It's just a messy scene in general and probably not something you want to bring into your world.
Anyway, sounds like you have a million other reasons too. It's only a few months, easy to break it off. Good luck.
I've been dating this woman for over three months and there are some things that really stick out to me that are making it difficult for me to want to commit any further. Some of you may be familiar with her from previous posts a few months ago.
She's 24, I'm 29. So she's relatively young compared to me which might be part of the issue here.
Red flags include:
* She always talks about money. This seems to be a very important thing to her. The other day, she went on and on about how her friend was marrying this rich guy and how he was so perfect for her because she needed a man with money. She also lives this lavish lifestyle (fancy apartment, multiple international trips per year, goes out on the town pretty frequently for drinks/food), but always complains about the lack of money she makes as a school teacher. She once made a remark about whether or not I had an "entertainment" budget when I refused to pay for some drinks of hers (it was because of a bet we made; I offered to pay for one drink).
* I witnessed her do cocaine once when we were hanging out with a group of people at her friend's apartment. She claims that this is not something she does on a regular basis, and I haven't observed any more occasions such as this. But still...cocaine!
* I do so much for her, yet she seems to be more about herself. I've initiated and taken her out many times, paid for drinks/meals, brought her flowers on multiple occasions, taken her out on nice dates, picked her up from the airport when she's needed, cooked her several meals, etc. She's done a few things for me, like cooked me dinner one night in three months and brought me back a small gift from her recent trip to Mexico. But I still feel like I'm not really a major priority to her at this point. I feel like she just sees me as this convenient companion that keeps her company when she's bored.
* After three months of dating, I feel like communication should pick up more. But it's still sporadic. For instance, I didn't hear from her all day Monday, and had to initiate conversation yesterday. We don't really have deep, intimate conversations about our lives. Our conversations seem more shallow. I typically have to rely on my friends to have these types of conversations. On occasion, she'll ask me how things are with work, but it's pretty seldom (I think I can count on one hand how many times this has happened).
Does this sound to you like not a very good fit? Or does this sound like par for the course? Should I hold out and try to grow into this and make it work? I'm just trying not to jump ship so quickly, as that seems to be an issue I have when things look bleak.
The lack of in-depth communication would have been a deal breaker for me. And the overall imbalance of giving/receiving.
To me, if a person has to ask (ask himself or ask others) "Is this really the person for me?" then the answer is no. When you find the right person, you will KNOW that you absolutely do not want to live without her. Any perceived flaws will be minor in comparison to the wonderful qualities you enjoy about her. The two of you will bring out the BEST in each other and you will be keenly aware of how LUCKY you are to have found this perfect-for-you person.
At least that's how I still feel about my husband.
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