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I've been in a relationship with a guy for 7 months now. Met him online, he pursued me. When I read his profile, I didn't think that we were a good fit. I'm college educated, he's not. He has learning disabilities. Found out relatively soon that he has no teeth-all rotted out and he wears dentures. Found out 3 months in that he is a felon. Spent 6 years in prison for car theft. He says he is innocent and that the real thieves lied on him. However, he comes from a good family, nice people, says he has no other criminal record. He knew from the beginning that I am a straight arrow. Rarely drink, don't smoke pot, no criminal record, just a civil order of protection from a former landlord/roommate who lied to a judge to get me out of her house for being late on rent. He has started smoking pot now. Goes in his garage with a friend, not that often though. His brother smokes it twice daily. He drinks 3 beers a night, every night, unless I continually hound him. I don't like that as my family has had severe problems with alcoholism. I told him that I didn't want the pot smoking and the daily drinking. He doesn't make that much money. I want a man that can provide for me if I choose to not work. He has anger problems. He blows up and threatens to walk out of any room that we are in when he is angry. He is Italian and has a loud voice on general principle, but especially when we argue. In one argument, he called me a [Mod cut.], but that was after I called him a [Mod cut.]. He lives at home with his mother-his brother does too though. However, he has been helping me out financially as I have been having trouble with my career and finding a job that I like. He does *everything* for me, cooks, clears my plate off the table at his mother's house. I eat dinner with his family every weekend and that has helped out a lot financially. He shells out money hand over fist when I need help and it has been a lot. Says he loves me so very much. The sex is pretty good. I'm tired of the angry outbursts, says he doesn't have a problem and he won't talk to anyone about it. Yesterday, we had an argument and he yelled out that he is tired of working to support me! I am on unemployment, but again, he has helped me so much financially. My car keeps breaking down and he is just tired of it. We have not talked since yesterday. I jumped out of the car as soon as he dropped me off and I'm not sure what he yelled after me. We are in our late 40s. What should I do?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 04-27-2015 at 08:47 AM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
Also, he knew that I was a Christian when he met me and pretended to be one too so that he could date me. His family drinks wine at dinner regularly, which I'm not used to. I've just been adopting a lot of what I think of as bad habits since I met him, example would be drinking wine daily now.
I worked hard my entire life to learn how to properly control my temper and anger... i will always be the first to say that no one can adequately share a healthy life with another human being until they understand, accept, and deal with their anger and aggression. It destroys the people around you and haunts you for the rest of your life.
He refuses to get help for his anger problem. He says he doesn't have a problem. I also resent the fact that he is a felon. When he has this angry face without his teeth in, he look so ugly. He uses profanity continually even though I have asked him to stop. He wants to marry me, he wants me to have his child-this late in my life- I have two grown boys, he has no kids. He said he is working on getting us a place to live together, as he has to pay his mother $400 room rent and I have to pay$500 for the room I am renting in someone else's house. I resent that he doesn't make enough and is not willing to support me financially while I try my hand at real estate. I will not be able to devote full time effort to real estate if I have to get either a part-time or full-time job. I resent that we can not be together in our own place right now due to money issues. I wanted a good provider in a man.
He wasn't like this in the beginning. He was super nice and sweet. All this was revealed over several months. He still is very nice, loving, and sweet, but the bad times are out weighing the good now, and he he makes sure he is nice and sweet when he needs sex. He usually texts me night and morning greeting me and saying how much he loves me. I haven't heard one word from him since our big argument yesterday.
So to recap, the only good things about him are the sex and that he gives you money? What should you do? Keep looking for a job (since you're college educated and all), buy a vibrator, and support yourself. You sound like you despise him.
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
3,259 posts, read 4,347,984 times
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Neither one of you sound like you have your crap together to be honest. I think you should both work on improving your own lives before trying to have a serious relationship. You should not be looking for any man to support you at all at this stage of your life, and if you insist on that he is certainly not the man that will ever meet those expectations.
He refuses to get help for his anger problem. He says he doesn't have a problem.
Sounds familiar..... I said the same myself. You cannot honestly live together in fear for the next "event". You don't cause physical or emotional pain to the ones you love. He is incapable (as I was) of letting anyone into his life until he deals with the underlying anger issues.
OP, you are really ragging this guy who is taking care of you financially. For such a perfect person as you describe yourself to be, I am actually shocked that you are with this guy in the first place. You are coming across as a user.
If he is so wrong for you, dump him, find a job, and stop using him and his family.....in that order.
Geesh!
OP, you are really ragging this guy who is taking care of you financially. For such a perfect person as you describe yourself to be, I am actually shocked that you are with this guy in the first place. You are coming across as a user.
If he is so wrong for you, dump him, find a job, and stop using him and his family.....in that order.
Geesh!
Well, I am sorry that I am coming across as a user. He has a sister whose husband takes care of her financially. She has a 8 year old and she is able to stay home. I don't even want to stay home permanently unless we have a child. I was hoping that we could move in together and he could support me until I got my real estate business off the ground or I went back into my old career.
But, to let you know how stubborn he has become. Saturday he wanted to spend the night with me so he could have sex. He informed me soon before coming over that he had gas really bad. I told him to guy some Gas-X. He said "No, and that antacids have been upsetting his stomach lately". Well, while we were in the store, I offered to buy it for him and asked if he would at least try another brand. He said "No". We went home to my place had sex, and he went to sleep and proceeded to fart loudly and often all night long. I was woken up several times by it.
And it is to the point now, where he is making angry outbursts at me in public. People are noticing and giving me sympathetic looks. One older man came over to me in and put his arm around my shoulder. He is also walking ahead of me in stores, becoming very impatient in stores, etc.
He has also been loud and disrespectful towards me in his mother's house. The door to his room is closed, sure, but they hear his yelling all through the house and his mother told him that she is tired of it.
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