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I don't "date". Dating is as I understand it: "Getting to know someone with the intention of forming a current or future romantic relationship with them." I think dating is unrealistic.
I'm open to possibilities and I love fantasizing, but what ever happens, happens, and what ever doesn't happen, doesn't happen.
I think its' far more realistic to be friends with someone for years and then have that friendship naturally progress into being lovers. In a way, to me, being lovers is sort of the "evolved" form of a friendship. You're still friends and you still do all the things you did before as friends, but now it's more...
A lot of people seem to believe that being "alone" is one of the worst states you can be in, but I think being with someone, having unrealistic expectations of them, and then being disappointed when they don't meet these unrealistic expectations is one of the worst states to be in.
As someone who has suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Order-like mental anguish, I've had a lot of experience with my own mind. From this I've learned that a lot of my stress can be caused by my creating expectations for nearly every thing and I do have control of this. It is difficult to not do this often how ever as creating expectations to worry about seems to be almost automatic for me.
This is why I don't date. This is what I believe about Friendship and Love.
I don't "date". Dating is as I understand it: "Getting to know someone with the intention of forming a current or future romantic relationship with them." I think dating is unrealistic.
I'm open to possibilities and I love fantasizing, but what ever happens, happens, and what ever doesn't happen, doesn't happen.
I think its' far more realistic to be friends with someone for years and then have that friendship naturally progress into being lovers. In a way, to me, being lovers is sort of the "evolved" form of a friendship. You're still friends and you still do all the things you did before as friends, but now it's more...
A lot of people seem to believe that being "alone" is one of the worst states you can be in, but I think being with someone, having unrealistic expectations of them, and then being disappointed when they don't meet these unrealistic expectations is one of the worst states to be in.
As someone who has suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Order-like mental anguish, I've had a lot of experience with my own mind. From this I've learned that a lot of my stress can be caused by my creating expectations for nearly every thing and I do have control of this. It is difficult to not do this often how ever as creating expectations to worry about seems to be almost automatic for me.
This is why I don't date. This is what I believe about Friendship and Love.
If you really look at dating that's all it really is. Some people have fun doing it that....personally I don't have any interest in that. I want to like and know the person before I date them. Romance isn't high on the priority list and probably never will be. So if I were to get in one...I would prefer the friendship approach.
If you really look at dating that's all it really is. Some people have fun doing it that....personally I don't have any interest in that. I want to like and know the person before I date them. Romance isn't high on the priority list and probably never will be. So if I were to get in one...I would prefer the friendship approach.
Tell that nice guys who got upset when the girls started dating someone else
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
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Do whatever approach you want. It would never work for me. If I'm friends with someone, they're going to stay friends. The end. Romance comes from that initial spark and sexual chemistry.
I agree with you completely. Do people really not expect to be friends with their long-term SO or spouse? Is romantic love all you expect? No wonder there are so many divorces.
True friendship can turn into more because there is a close bond. It's different than this "friendzone" thing people whine about these days.
My wife and I had an unconventional relationship that started out as very close friends and eventually blossomed into a courtship and eventually marriage. We did everything together.. even sharing an apartment together. That was more than 20 years ago and we've been married 14.
IMO, No its not realistic to seek out this path and avoid traditional dating. For us, it just happened that way. It did eventually place us in a weird situation in which we were neither here or there. Neither could move on to actually date another without worrying about hurting the feelings or jeopardizing the "friendship" nor make progress towards commitment. It could have ended in a whole lot of hurt. Fortunately for us, it worked out and our solid friendship (before husband/wife) has been our foundation through some really tough times.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk
I agree with you completely. Do people really not expect to be friends with their long-term SO or spouse? Is romantic love all you expect? No wonder there are so many divorces.
Of course I do. And most people do. But that friendship develops over time. The initial spark and chemistry starts the relationship, and the friendship develops.
I'm friends with the vast majority of my exes. Good friends with many. One for 25 years now and several for 10 plus. But we were not friends before we started dating. That would never have worked. I have to want someone physically for a romantic relationship to happen, and either that is there for the beginning, or it isn't.
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