Shy, Reserved, Non-Assertive Women: Any Success Stories? Ever Get The Guy? (love, husband)
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Thanks for sharing your story. It always feels good to know that you're not alone.
No, he hasn't asked me out yet...I barely talk to him! I think if I opened up more and got to know him, it could be a possibility. The other day he greeted me with a "hey you", thought that was still promising.
Say 'hey you' right back, and look him in the eye this time. I wish I could tell you more, but for me it really didn't get any easier until I actually went out with a guy. After that it got easier but I still had trouble here and there. Eventually I met my (now) husband senior year. By then I wasn't shy anymore and made all the first moves!
ummmmmm it should be pretty obvious, or maybe i'm misunderstanding the title of your question, regarding women who have dating success despite being shy, reserved, non-assertive, ummmmmm, is the OP unaware of how life, reality, society typically works? the man approaches the woman first, makes the first move, asks her out, does the initiating, takes the lead, etc., if a guy is to want dating success, he has to be the opposite of shy, non-assertive, reserved, those that disagree with that need are delusional
Well, there's this guy that's interested in me (I won't bore you with the details) and he's liked me for quite some time now. At first I wasn't attracted to him but the more I learned of him, observed the way he moved...he began to grow on me. Problem is...I'm extremely shy, reserved, non-assertive, and just downright inexperienced with pretty much all things opposite sex.
He's tried so many times to engage me in conversation, holding eye contact and smiling, often coming around where I am, modifying his behavior when around other women, and much, much more.
The second problem is...I am DEATHLY afraid! He is intelligent, handsome, confident and popular (and I don't think I'm too bad myself). You know how the story goes...all the girls love him...he's very flirty (but at the same time I can tell that he doesn't take them seriously.) there's also another girl who is engaged that flirts with him. They are good friends and I think he actually really liked her until he realized he couldn't have her. Once, when he and I first started getting to know each other, she came by and it was like he didn't pay her much attention. I wondered if this was a sign?
At this point, if I just give a look, he's on me. I really like him and I don't want him to think I'm playing games but, my shyness is a huge obstacle for me (always has been) and I hate it. Also, my insecurities about whether he genuinely likes me or not often get the better of me and I shut down. I sense that he really does but all the flirting doesn't help. It's like he can easily take up with another girl. It's so hard to talk to him as I will literally tell myself "I'm gonna talk to him today" and the moment I see him, I clam up!
He gets frustrated with me because he will hang his head or sometimes walk away (I don't want to get played out.)
Any advice from shy ladies like myself? Any success stories? Tips for breaking out of my shell? How to tell if he's really into me?
men look past/forgive shyness-nervousness coming from females
any kind of attempt you make will only help your situation
(can't say the same if the situation was reversed)
I didn't start out too shy younger. But this was like primary and elementary school aged. lol I got more shy as I got older. Then, or now I should say, I have gotten better. In terms of handling professional matters, I can speak up, ask questions, not an issue.
But I am still shy on the social aspect of things. I have be honest about my feelings with some guys, or tried being friendly, laughing, chatting, etc.. But no sale. The guys I tend to like, or at least find good-looking tend to never be interested, or pay much attention. But all the guys I am not attracted to-horndogs, slobs, thug-wannabes, not good-looking, imo, and anything else I am not interested in, have no problem noticing and flirting. It's actually more annoying, I would just as soon get no attention than from a guy I wasn't interested in.
But, if you have decent guys coming to you, that's a good thing. Just smile and talk to them. Laugh. if it seems clear they like you, you've already passed step 1. Mutual Attraction/Interest. Many get stuck on that step. Talk to the guy like you would a friend. That's kind of the way it is. A lover-bf or gf is basically a friend, just more intimate as time goes on and things get more serious.
So try doing that more and more, and slowly you crack the shell. Go up and chat up a guy. Easier said than done. Maybe if you're out alone it can help. As even if the guy rejects you, least nobody you know saw it or knows about it. So if you would be embarrassed, least nobody in a circle will tease or laugh about it later. So that's something that would give me comfort lol
But again, all easier said than done for horribly shy people. You either get lucky, and are pursued by people you'd like, but they're naturally forward, so it can help your shyness a bit. Or, you slowly try breaking the shy-wall by talking more and being around people.
So I have had success in passing shyness in a professional setting since I started having to be more professional after a while.Going in for an interview, asking questions, speaking with an employee, etc. All easy. And it got better as I did it more. That was it really.
Thank you, Vanilla!
I'll send up a prayer for you. Don't lose hope. A good guy will come. I know I can grow out of this, but like you,
it's going to take time.
OP, when he tries to start a conversation with you, respond! That's all it takes. What's stopping you, do you freeze up, or feel like you don't have anything interesting to say? It doesn't take much. Respond, and give him a smile. Practice forcing yourself out of your comfort zone. It will get easier.
Yes! I do freeze up! I swear sometimes I feel emotionally retarded!!!
Absolutely I have interesting things to talk about. I actually think that's how our little connection was born...via the intellect!
He stared at me the other day and when I looked over he gave me the sweetest smile and held gaze. He also laughs at everything I say!!! Even the unfunny stuff...but, I'm worried he may already have a girlfriend.
ummmmmm it should be pretty obvious, or maybe i'm misunderstanding the title of your question, regarding women who have dating success despite being shy, reserved, non-assertive, ummmmmm, is the OP unaware of how life, reality, society typically works? the man approaches the woman first, makes the first move, asks her out, does the initiating, takes the lead, etc., if a guy is to want dating success, he has to be the opposite of shy, non-assertive, reserved, those that disagree with that need are delusional
"Has to be"? Many men look for reciprocal interest before putting themselves too far out there, as we have been reminded here many times. Also, it's pretty hard to proceed, and take the lead and maintain that lead, when the person you're with isn't able to do more than blurt out a few words, if that. The object of the guy's interest needs to be able to hold up her side of a conversation, unless the guy is one of those who runs off at the mouth and doesn't need any participation from his date. Shy women tend not to have success, unless they can come out of their shell at least a little.
Some of us do better when we keep our mouths shut.
However, you need to say something.
Like a, "You taukin to me?" (In your best Brooklyn accent)
Tee hee...now he would get a kick out of that! Probably thinks I'm a dead fish!
I joked with him a little the other day. Pretty sure hat's what kicked off the "hey you" thing. He always gives me something when I open up, but then I retreat again. All those damn female admirers...aaarrrggghhh
I'll send up a prayer for you. Don't lose hope. A good guy will come. I know I can grow out of this, but like you,
it's going to take time.
Thanks lol. Focusing on self-improvement now. Exercise, looking for a new part-time job, moving to a different place, etc. Dating s very far down on the list of things to get done, and/or expect. I did go on a few meet-and-greets. Set-ups. But I don't plan to do that again lol
But good-luck. Hope you land your guy. Because it doesn't seem like he's lost interest. So seems you already know he likes you. You got 1 foot in the door already.
Yes! I do freeze up! I swear sometimes I feel emotionally retarded!!!
Absolutely I have interesting things to talk about. I actually think that's how our little connection was born...via the intellect!
He stared at me the other day and when I looked over he gave me the sweetest smile and held gaze. He also laughs at everything I say!!! Even the unfunny stuff...but, I'm worried he may already have a girlfriend.
I wouldn't worry yet. First, work on having a conversation with him. Instead of feeling awkward, like the spotlight is on you, think of your enthusiasm for the topics you enjoy. Think of how much you enjoy sharing about those topics. He sounds like a great guy. And you're in luck--he hasn't given up on you yet!
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I did go on a few meet-and-greets. Set-ups. But I don't plan to do that again lol
