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ummmmmm it should be pretty obvious, or maybe i'm misunderstanding the title of your question, regarding women who have dating success despite being shy, reserved, non-assertive, ummmmmm, is the OP unaware of how life, reality, society typically works? the man approaches the woman first, makes the first move, asks her out, does the initiating, takes the lead, etc., if a guy is to want dating success, he has to be the opposite of shy, non-assertive, reserved, those that disagree with that need are delusional
I understand.
I personally don't think it's fair for men to do all of the work, but I can't help that I'm so damn shy. I'm really trying to get this thing under control. Don't want to end up alone with six cats!
ummmmmm it should be pretty obvious, or maybe i'm misunderstanding the title of your question, regarding women who have dating success despite being shy, reserved, non-assertive, ummmmmm, is the OP unaware of how life, reality, society typically works? the man approaches the woman first, makes the first move, asks her out, does the initiating, takes the lead, etc., if a guy is to want dating success, he has to be the opposite of shy, non-assertive, reserved, those that disagree with that need are delusional
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
I wouldn't worry yet. First, work on having a conversation with him. Instead of feeling awkward, like the spotlight is on you, think of your enthusiasm for the topics you enjoy. Think of how much you enjoy sharing about those topics. He sounds like a great guy. And you're in luck--he hasn't given up on you yet!
Hmmmm...wonder why he's still at it. Can't help it. I'm sure he knows I'm interested. Maybe because it's a challenge for him.
A meet & greet eh? That sounds like fun! Oh, right...scary ass ole me would be to afraid to go to one, lol.
If you don't mind me asking, why do you say you won't do it again? Promise I'm not trying to pry. Just curious.
Your self-improvement plan sounds amazing. You never know, the universe might just send you that special guy while you're just doing you.
Thanks for the encouragement. Just hope he's sincere.
Because the meet-ups were with guys I was set-up with. It's being set-up I don't plan to do again. lol And set-ups are awkward. One of said guys I wasn't the least bit attracted to at all. But my mother, and brother's ex fiance wanted me to meet him. Nothing wrong with him. Wasn't a jerk, or thug. Just didn't find him physically appealing, and his personality I could see for a good friend, but not one that would attract me in terms of romantic or sexual interest. Not to sound arrogant. He may not have been attracted to me either. And if he wasn't I would completely understand that, and why. I am far from arrogant. In fact my self-esteem almost doesn't exist. lol
With set-ups it seems that's the desperate phase. So when a family member or friends tries setting you up, they do it with who they think you ought to be with, not necessarily whether or not they think you'd actually be interested in them. As if they have a "beggars can't be choosers" mentality where you need to be happy with anything that comes, or is brought, to you.
So really as I got older, I got more indifferent. In when I was in school, I loved any kind of attention. Was a nice confidence-booster. Now, I don't even care for that, unless it comes from someone I like. I get compliments and called beautiful, but it's never by guys I like, but by everyone and thing else. So it doesn't help my self-esteem. It actually lowered it at one point.
I personally don't think it's fair for men to do all of the work, but I can't help that I'm so damn shy. I'm really trying to get this thing under control. Don't want to end up alone with six cats!
Because the meet-ups were with guys I was set-up with. It's being set-up I don't plan to do again. lol And set-ups are awkward. One of said guys I wasn't the least bit attracted to at all. But my mother, and brother's ex fiance wanted me to meet him. Nothing wrong with him. Wasn't a jerk, or thug. Just didn't find him physically appealing, and his personality I could see for a good friend, but not one that would attract me in terms of romantic or sexual interest. Not to sound arrogant. He may not have been attracted to me either. And if he wasn't I would completely understand that, and why. I am far from arrogant. In fact my self-esteem almost doesn't exist. lol
With set-ups it seems that's the desperate phase. So when a family member or friends tries setting you up, they do it with who they think you ought to be with, not necessarily whether or not they think you'd actually be interested in them. As if they have a "beggars can't be choosers" mentality where you need to be happy with anything that comes, or is brought, to you.
So really as I got older, I got more indifferent. In when I was in school, I loved any kind of attention. Was a nice confidence-booster. Now, I don't even care for that, unless it comes from someone I like. I get compliments and called beautiful, but it's never by guys I like, but by everyone and thing else. So it doesn't help my self-esteem. It actually lowered it at one point.
Ah, I see. Thanks for sharing.
No, never really cared for set-ups myself. My psychology has always been: I can get my own man, thank you very much. lol. But still and all, I understand the need for them.
Just a thought: do you realize that your low self-esteem is what's attracting the creeps, losers, thugs, etcetera? Just want to help a little if I can.
Well, trust I'm not the only one. Plenty more where I come from. I also think women should take men to dinner and pay for the meal too. Yup. Absolutely do.
I don't give a hell about these old school societal norms. If a man/someone/society doesn't think me a lady because I want to buy my man a steak, then I say too damn bad. I got bigger fish to fry...like getting over this shyness!
No, never really cared for set-ups myself. My psychology has always been: I can get my own man, thank you very much. lol. But still and all, I understand the need for them.
Just a thought: do you realize that your low self-esteem is what's attracting the creeps, losers, thugs, etcetera? Just want to help a little if I can.
I just assume being shy and quiet is enough to attract creeps. Guys who are predators are on the prowl. So when I woman is by herself, or seems quiet, that'll be the one they try their luck with. The one by themselves, and because they're quiet or seem shy, it gives the vibe they'll also be naive, desperate, or easy to seduce.
So shyness, and possibly ugliness could be my problem who knows. I never ask why guys I liked weren't interested. They just weren't, so I didn't pry for answers lol Though I did get the question of "Do you have a boyfriend" and a "Why not?' when I would say I didn't.
Usually extrovert and forward people have the dating luck. They attract more attention because they're lively and/or loud. Shy/quiet people will fade into the back and thus usually the ones that will notice will have less than pure intentions because they were apparently looking for that, or quicker to notice it when prowling. Unless someone is on the prowl to find someone, if you're shy, many won't approach because shy is misread as
All the good stuff. lol Usually if I am out, I am tending to my own business.
Spoiler
At the last job I had, while working 2 men, seemed old, if not that, they didn't take care of themselves. 1 who approached while I was outside cleaning and getting ready to open approaches me, riding a bike, and randomly asks for my number. Which he didn't get. Then another, who unloads the truck weekly in the mornings stops to stand beside me, and stare in my face, before I turn and ask if I knew him. He laughed and walked away. Then when I am in another station, before he leaves he stands in the door to stare at me again before calling to me and saying bye.
Then there was my trip to the doctor where I come in and an old guy with a cane was sitting on one side of the room. I sat near the front, and he got up and changed seats to stare at me. At 1st I thought I may have been being paranoid. but even my mother noticed and said she saw him staring when she came in.
Then there was when I was in HS, and a guy flirts and says how good I look. But he had the complete thug look, and was around 20 and still in HS.
One guy I met at a beauty supply shop said repeatedly that I was "beautiful." it was asks if I had ever been there before, and he tells my friend I hadn't or he'd have remembered. He seemed nice and I found him cute. But he didn't ask me out.
I get stared at alot. But probably because people can't tell what my ethnicity is when they look. I got the questions "What race are you?" or "Are you black or white" a good bit as well. Always annoying lol
I had some pix of myself on another site. One gay guy says he's shocked I don't have tons of men interested. Eh. Nice line lol
Last edited by HappyRain; 04-27-2015 at 02:15 PM..
I just assume being shy and quiet is enough to attract creeps. Guys who are predators are on the prowl. So when I woman is by herself, or seems quiet, that'll be the one they try their luck with. The one by themselves.
So shyness, and possibly ugliness could be my problem who knows. I never ask why guys I liked weren't interested. They just weren't, so I didn't pry for answers lol Though I did get the question of "Do you have a boyfriend" and a "Why not?' when I would say I didn't.
Usually extrovert and forward people have the dating luck. They attract more attention because they're lively and/or loud. Shy/quiet people will fade into the back and thus usually the ones that will notice will have less than pure intentions because they were apparently looking for that, or quicker to notice it when prowling. Unless someone is on the prowl to find someone, if you're shy, many won't approach because shy is misread as
1. Snotty
2. Boring
3. Uninterested
4. Weird
All the good stuff. lol Usually if I am out, I am tending to my own business.
Spoiler
At the last job I had, while working 2 men, seemed old, if not that, they didn't take care of themselves. 1 who approached while I was outside cleaning and getting ready to open approaches me, riding a bike, and randomly asks for my number. Which he didn't get. Then another, who unloads the truck weekly in the mornings stops to stand beside me, and stare in my face, before I turn and ask if I knew him. He laughed and walked away. Then when I am in another station, before he leaves he stands in the door to stare at me again before calling to me and saying bye.
Then there was my trip to the doctor where I come in and an old guy with a cane was sitting on one side of the room. I sat near the front, and he got up and changed seats to stare at me. At 1st I thought I may have been being paranoid. but even my mother noticed and said she saw him staring when she came in.
Then there was when I was in HS, and a guy flirts and says how good I look. But he had the complete thug look, and was around 20 and still in HS.
One guy I met at a beauty supply shop said repeatedly that I was "beautiful." it was asks if I had ever been there before, and he tells my friend I hadn't or he'd have remembered. He seemed nice and I found him cute. But he didn't ask me out.
I get stared at alot. But probably because people can't tell what my ethnicity is when they look. I got the questions "What race are you?" or "Are you black or white" a good bit as well. Always annoying lol
I had some pix of myself on another site. One gay guy says he's shocked I don't have tons of men interested. Eh. Nice line lol
Yes, yes, of course. This post is right on point. Being shy/quiet is often misread as so many negative things. Sad, really.
I also thought it important to note that creeps, losers...sniff women with low self-esteem out like rats to cheese. Just good to be aware of that.
Yea, this world definitely seems to favor extroverts. Sucks.
I can see why men would be shocked at your lack of involvement with men especially if they find you attractive, talented, intelligent, etc. yes, not uncommon at all.
So why hasn't he asked you out on a date if you say he knows you are interested?
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