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Amazing how emotional abuse can affect a person. Look here for example at the rhetoric it has left you using. YOU do not want to break up the family?
You have not. You did not. HE did.
But emotional abuse has left you with the self blame mentality. If you end the relationship - after all the abuse and suspicion and trickery he engaged in - you describe it as YOU breaking up the family.
HE broke up the family already. It is done. You leaving and not taking him back is merely an acknowledgement of that - not a cause of it.
I appreciate all of your opinions out there. He say's he's still going to counseling, but he has said that in the past, but I found out he had stopped. I do see some changes in him, but not enough to go back. We are divorced now and I told him to get himself together and SHOW me through his actions that he can change and we will see. I have a good relationship with his first wife, so I have been able to maintain a relationship with my step kids. For the person who asked if I had been unfaithful to him, the answer is NO! I have been in sales for over 17 years and I think if I were doing those things, SOMEONE would've noticed! His mom was living with us, through all of this too. she's the one that paid for the polygraph! This guy is who Dr. Phil uses, so he was professional and well known. Of course my husband thought maybe I got with him somehow and convinced him to change the results. I felt like I was in a lose, lose situation. I have two years of notes and there is so much more, but the more people I talk to, I think I have my answer. I'm sad, but I don't want to go back to that situation. He is now moved out and living with his mom in an apartment. I owned the house, but he wouldn't leave, so I filed for divorce and told him he had to be out by April, which he did. He didn't take much of anything, because he said he wants to prove that he has changed and doesn't believe it anymore. How can someone just stop believing something like that?!
If you even think about letting this man back into your life you both need serious therapy.
Give him enough time and he will find someone else but until then, zero contact and if he shows up at your door don't open it, get a restraining order if you can.
I honestly believe therapy would do you some good because of what you have gone through with this man and his Mom.
I seriously do hope you never allow him back into your home or your life and cut off all access he has to you.
We are divorced now and I told him to get himself together and SHOW me through his actions that he can change and we will see. . . .
He is now moved out and living with his mom in an apartment. I owned the house, but he wouldn't leave, so I filed for divorce and told him he had to be out by April, which he did.
But you posted for advice on 4/27 ... less than three weeks ago. You were worried about breaking up your family, but you had filed for divorce months before and your soon-to-be ex was already out of the house? Were you having last-minute second thoughts?
Whatever you do, do not go back. You got out with your life, and that's more than a lot of people. OP, what you're describing sounds like the "Honeymoon phase" in The Cycle of Abuse - apologetic, promises to change, gives gifts and compliments, etc. The thing about a cycle is that things keep repeating and can become more magnified and lead to violence.
Wow, I didn't realize there was 3 pages of comments!! Thank you, thank you, thank you to all! I guess I am in the "honeymoon Phase" of the break up. I am so sad, that I was trying to find a way that maybe we could work it out, but after reading everyone's comments, I know now that I'm just feeling with my heart, not thinking with my head. This is the first time I've been alone. My three children are grown and out of the house, so I'm left trying to figure out me. It is getting easier and I don't cry EVERY day, so that's a step in the right direction! Again, let me say Thank you to all who cared enough to leave a comment! Also, thank you for the link Corgifreak!
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