Getting back into dating. But living with parents. Should I even bother? (guy, lover)
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I agree. The one caveat is: what is going to be your arrangement for getting busy with your date, especially if she's also living at home or with roommates? Bringing her back to your house could get awkward, unless your parent are cool with it and make themselves scarce.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Living at home isn't the problem, it's those who live with their parents and have no goals, plans or ambition, no timeframe for becoming independent. As long as you are moving your life forward in a positive and productive manner, it shouldn't be an issue.
Date for fun only. Be upfront with the ladies......so they aren't thinking wedding planning and looking for china patterns.
No need to neglect your social life, just because your living situation is not optimum at the moment!
Go out with friends, or double date in group situations. That way, if you do happen to meet a potential future relationship....she knows what you have put on the table.
My new hubby was in a formidable situation when we met in 09'. But I understood that it was not permanent, and was willing to be patient. He was up front with everything!....so I could decide for myself, if I still wanted to wait it out and have a future with him.
We have been married now for 3 years.
But that's another thread ....
Living with parents or grandparents is not a problem unless it is a symptom of a greater issue. When I was finishing up grad school I moved into the upstairs of my grandmother's house, and she was 85 and had Alzheimer's. I wasn't able to stay out overnight, and I tried to check in at least once an evening to make sure everything was okay. I did not have any problems dating, although I did get some raised eyebrows when I answered the question "Where do you live?"
Living at home isn't the problem, it's those who live with their parents and have no goals, plans or ambition, no timeframe for becoming independent. As long as you are moving your life forward in a positive and productive manner, it shouldn't be an issue.
If you live at home with your parents then you are a loser. Trust me, I know. Women don't want a guy that lives at home.
The last sentence is generally true... but too bad there isn't a better word than "loser." The majority of the world faced a shift in lifestyle this decade. Many people who lived an honest life, sacrificed a ton, and worked their fingers to the bone, are living under humble conditions.
A lot of people who ended up living with their parents through adulthood aren't the typical developmentally-stunted underachievers, with a PlayStation controller grafted to his hand. The world's changed, for better or worse. That may not change a woman's preferences, but they shouldn't all be called losers.
My impression is that being personable and conveying an impression of maturity, is more important in dating than achievement of this or that quantifiable milestone in life. A man with a solid career, good retirement-savings, a paid-off house and so forth, but who suffers from phlegmatic waffling and lack of poise would be at a disadvantage to his counterpart, who lacks the check-marks of American middle class success, but who has charisma and emotional-intelligence. Of course a person who lacks both the soft-skills and the financial/career/personal accomplishments is going to struggle. But it sounds like the OP is solidly along on the former, but has gaps in the latter. And so what? It's certainly worthwhile to make the attempt.
I've observed strong correlation between relationship-stability and financial success. That is, amongst those who are stably married, most can claim house-ownership and the various concomitant attributes of moving passably through life's stages. Amongst those who are single or divorced, life is suffused with financial turmoil. At least locally, rare is the financially-secure single person, male or female. Thus in my dating adventures I've encountered all sorts of financial and logistical insecurities, be it middle-aged people living with their elderly parents, or having zero retirement savings despite pushing 50, or still paying off student-loans despite being a decade-plus beyond graduation. Many people are struggling. It would be highly surprising if the OP were to be dismissed by his prospective dates purely because of his living-situation. So again I say: don't let present lifestyle challenges impede one's attempts at dating!
It wouldn't be my favorite thing, but I would probably give you a chance if I really liked your personality. I dated a guy who lived at home with his parents and it was okay because I had my own place, but still kind of a drag that obviously I couldn't go to his place. I guess I could have, but awkward... I think it depends on the circumstances.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FBJ
I think between the age of 25 and 30 a guy should atleast try to get an efficiency or studio apartment. That way he will get some experience of being out on his own paying rent and maintaining a job. My brother will be 28 this year and his excuse for living at home is he plans to buy a house.
A studio rents for at LEAST $1k in any DC suburb. Not that easy.
To the OP, living at home will cut women from your pool but with you having a job, not that bad.
Date for fun only. Be upfront with the ladies......so they aren't thinking wedding planning and looking for china patterns.
No need to neglect your social life, just because your living situation is not optimum at the moment!
Go out with friends, or double date in group situations. That way, if you do happen to meet a potential future relationship....she knows what you have put on the table.
My new hubby was in a formidable situation when we met in 09'. But I understood that it was not permanent, and was willing to be patient. He was up front with everything!....so I could decide for myself, if I still wanted to wait it out and have a future with him.
We have been married now for 3 years.
But that's another thread ....
By the time any relationship would get to the wedding planning stage, the OP would be out on his own, anyway. The OP's situation doesn't preclude him dating seriously.
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