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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
I just don't feel like a person needs me to be involved in their lives when they have other people. I understand they might feel differently but that's the way I've always looked at things.
Yeah, the more I read, the more I think a professional could possibly be a big help. This is not, IMO, a healthy outlook.
Almost everyone has a social network of some type. They all usually add to it at times, and benefit from those additions. We're social animals.
I just don't feel like a person needs me to be involved in their lives when they have other people. I understand they might feel differently but that's the way I've always looked at things.
You might be surprised at what people need in their lives in terms of a good friend. You're excluding yourself from a pool of opportunity based on your own misconception of what people need or want. And you're doing a great disservice to yourself by doing so. By your own definition, none of us probably really need you, because we all have our close friends and family members in our lives already. And yet, here we are, having a pretty intimate discussion with you about your life.
I make new friends all the time despite already having an established network of friends. But that's the beauty of it. People come and go in our lives, so my network of friends is extremely dynamic albeit with the exception of a few people who have been with me long term. If I were to meet you at a Meetup, and you seemed like a pretty even-keeled person, I'd have no problem starting a friendship with you. I never tell myself, "Hey Lafleur, you've hit your quota for friendships this year, better not make anymore today".
Just take the statement from the OP at face value and leave it there, damn. She was just venting and wasn't asking for all of these suggestions, questions, accusations, etc. I believe since she's a woman saying this, it causes others to not respect her stance, hence some of the remarks in here. We all know if a man stated this, his space would be respected and there would be less intrusion.
Just take the statement from the OP at face value and leave it there, damn. She was just venting and wasn't asking for all of these suggestions, questions, accusations, etc. I believe since she's a woman saying this, it causes others to not respect her stance, hence some of the remarks in here. We all know if a man stated this, his space would be respected and there would be less intrusion.
Settle down. You're off base. What you're saying is inaccurate. I've posted many a thread on here that have stretched 50+ pages worth of suggestions and critiques from posters here. And I'm a man. It has nothing to do with OP's gender and nobody is being hostile or rude to her. Most of us responding are intrigued by her situation and concerned for her happiness and well-being.
I'm not adverse to it. I'm just not motivated to go because while it may be helpful, I don't know for sure that it would be and it'll cost time and money to find out.
Why would you not be motivated to try something will might help you? I don't understand that. Of course it will help you. It won't "fix" you - if that's what you mean. Look at it like this. If you were having trouble with math - you would go to a math tutor. You aren't broken - just having trouble. And the math tutor won't just give you the answers, he'll help you sort through things so you can figure things out for yourself. That's what a good therapist will do. They'll help you understand why you see things the way that you do and why you do the things you do. You might not be able to change certain things but it will help you to better understand yourself and it will help you to navigate your life more easily.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KeraKera
Just take the statement from the OP at face value and leave it there, damn. She was just venting and wasn't asking for all of these suggestions, questions, accusations, etc. I believe since she's a woman saying this, it causes others to not respect her stance, hence some of the remarks in here. We all know if a man stated this, his space would be respected and there would be less intrusion.
If she wasn't asking for suggestions, questions, etc. - she shouldn't have posted this on a forum. She started a thread on a forum. And she doesn't seem to be angered by the questions.
Why would you not be motivated to try something will might help you? I don't understand that. Of course it will help you. It won't "fix" you - if that's what you mean. Look at it like this. If you were having trouble with math - you would go to a math tutor. You aren't broken - just having trouble. And the math tutor won't just give you the answers, he'll help you sort through things so you can figure things out for yourself. That's what a good therapist will do. They'll help you understand why you see things the way that you do and why you do the things you do. You might not be able to change certain things but it will help you to better understand yourself and it will help you to navigate your life more easily.
Regarding my lack of motivation, I feel it's the same as people who put off exercising, dieting, quitting smoking etc. We aren't always motivated to do the things that are good for us. There's also an element of dread too. The issues that I have are emotionally draining to think about and discuss. I wouldn't even know where to start.
Quote:
If she wasn't asking for suggestions, questions, etc. - she shouldn't have posted this on a forum. She started a thread on a forum. And she doesn't seem to be angered by the questions.
OP: Good for you for making a decision that works for you! We all need to live our lives in accordance with what works best for each of us.
And as I've heard it said, "When you're not looking, that's when he'll enter your life." It may happen for you, it may not. And either way, you've matured to the point of understanding who you are and how you want to move forward with your life.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by katie45
OP: Good for you for making a decision that works for you! We all need to live our lives in accordance with what works best for each of us.
There is a large difference (far too often) between what works best, and what is easiest. People often call what is easiest the best, even when the easiest is often not the healthiest or doesn't lead to happiness.
Regarding my lack of motivation, I feel it's the same as people who put off exercising, dieting, quitting smoking etc. We aren't always motivated to do the things that are good for us. There's also an element of dread too. The issues that I have are emotionally draining to think about and discuss. I wouldn't even know where to start.
A therapist can help you find a starting point, just as a physical trainer can help you start a gym regiment that suits your needs and goals. I think that's why you should consider seeing one, so they can help you get on track to a healthier mindset.
Remember, baby steps. When I was trying to lose weight early last year (about 30 lbs of stress-related weight gain), I didn't go to the gym expecting that I'd lose it in a week. It took a few months of exercising and improved diet to hit my goals. It will take time for you to sort through your issues, but the bottom line is that you at least need to start addressing them to fix them.
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