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There is a large difference (far too often) between what works best, and what is easiest. People often call what is easiest the best, even when the easiest is often not the healthiest or doesn't lead to happiness.
Or somethings aren't worth the effort. Not everything is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Because she isn't a new poster and we've engaged with her for months or years, and most of us understand from what she's revealed to us that she probably isn't truly HAPPY with the decision. (And generally people that are truly happy with personal decisions like this don't announce it on public forums)
BTW, being "true" to oneself is often a huge cop out.
If being true to oneself is a cop out then what isn't a cop out? Not wanting to date is not an option?
I don't buy the whole no one cares about the OP's problems. If that was the case than why has this threads gone several pages? If no one truly cares what the OP does then no one would rub two brain cells together to post a reply to the thread. It just seems like a lame and cheap insult.
How would you know what people anonymously post on message boards?
Oh, come on now. Ninety-six million adults in the US are single. If they went running to a message board every time they took a break from dating, the Internet would have broken as soon as it went public.
Most people don't feel the need to announce to the world that they are removing themselves from dating. It's a cry for attention, one you need to own if you ever hope to start dating again. If you can't be honest with yourself, forget being honest with a partner or having any kind of healthy, stable relationship in the future.
I've also stopped dating for the past year or so. I'm open to it, but not looking for it or "putting myself out there".
Ive found that dating is just a pastime to distract yourself from the negative aspects of singleness. It doesnt lead to relationships for me. Every relationship Ive had came from meeting someone via friends and a pretty clear pursuit from the man. Whereas dating scenes and formal dates seem to just be a game of "window browsing" and trying on potential partners, lying to yourself about intention to actually "buy", ie, commit to a relationship. It's a good way to explore what you want and to polish your social skills, but it is not very effective for finding an actual partner. Once you're past, oh, 25 or so, it becomes tiresome and pointless. I squeezed what I could out of that and have given it up as a real avenue to a relationship.
If I had no sex drive, then I would be pretty happy single. Not to say that I am unhappy, but I'm aware of a void all the time. I'm also so blasé about the infatuation and early dating stages that all excitement is gone. I don't find it fun and am too cynical to be hopeful. If I met someone where there was mutual interest, I'd really just like to skip all the fuss and just take a chance and finalize stuff after some logical consideration. At this point, it is like a buying a car - check off the needs/wants list, be reasonable about what you can "afford", and try and minimize the excruciating buying process as much as possible.
I've decided that it's time that I officially give up dating. I've never gotten anything out of it and I've never felt that it's improved my quality of life in any way. It's only something I pursued because I had hopes of being "normal" like everyone else, but it's just not for me. I am over 30 and I think I lack the ability to have real feelings for a man. I was only ever interested in whether I found them physically attractive, but I can't connect on a level any deeper than that, yet I don't want them for casual sex. I thought it would be nice to get married and have a family (and I'm sure it is for some people), but since I cannot make a genuine connection, it's just not going to happen. I have things in my life that I'm excited about and looking forward to, but they don't include dating and relationships. I can no longer go through the motions of trying to make small talk with guys on Tinder because I see that it's all pointless and never going to lead to anything good. Maybe one day I'll meet someone offline and things will be different, but I doubt it. So that's that. I wish you all the best in your romantic endeavors!
I so agree I raised 2 kids by myself w/o child support and its been over 20 years been divorced, I have been hurt feeling wise with a man or should I say a few men! So now my children are gone I feel very free, yes I enjoy sex but I can get the milk for free as we always accused men of doing! I see so many people hurt by someone they love and will do anything to keep them, even kick their grand-kids out of the house, or won't let them spend the night! Never will I let someone take that much energy from me again! Friends Forever mean............Friends with Benefits!
Because we have an OP who is showing some serious red flags: lack of empathy towards her fellow human, not being able to form deep emotional connections with people, etc.
Not to blow it out of proportion, because I don't think (nor do I hope) that the OP is like this, but these are shared traits in serial killers and the likes of mass shooting culprits. If there are some kinks that need to be worked, then by all means let's help her get these kinks worked out.
Um...I doubt she's a sociopath.
All this speculation because she doesn't want to date?
This is why it's best to just keeps things like this to yourself.
Oh, come on now. Ninety-six million adults in the US are single. If they went running to a message board every time they took a break from dating, the Internet would have broken as soon as it went public.
Most people don't feel the need to announce to the world that they are removing themselves from dating. It's a cry for attention, one you need to own if you ever hope to start dating again. If you can't be honest with yourself, forget being honest with a partner or having any kind of healthy, stable relationship in the future.
It wasn't a cry for attention, but if you think it was, please stop giving me attention by responding to the thread.
All this speculation because she doesn't want to date?
This is why it's best to just keeps things like this to yourself.
No, OP has literally said in this thread that she's never or rarely had a deep emotional connection with another human being in 30 years, either romantic or non-romantic, besides her cat and her parents. No speculation needed, it's straight from the horse's mouth. That's a giant red flag to me for a troubled individual, or somebody who generally struggles with social situations, who could use some help to improve on that. I'm introverted, I don't like everybody I meet, but I've at least had several meaningful relationships in my (almost) 30 years.
It's really hard for me to take 'I'm done with dating' threads at face value.
More likely, you're just frustrated with your lack of relationship success, want to pretend that you don't need someone and are using this thread in an attempt to make it official.
Keep looking, OP... he's out there.
A lot of things can change in a year or so.
The cliches are true.
+1..........kinda like people who get pissy drunk, throwing up all over themselves, promising they're never going to drink again., and. Four months later they're drinking again.
No, OP has literally said in this thread that she's never or rarely had a deep emotional connection with another human being in 30 years, either romantic or non-romantic, besides her cat and her parents. No speculation needed, it's straight from the horse's mouth. That's a giant red flag to me for a troubled individual, or somebody who generally struggles with social situations, who could use some help to improve on that. I'm introverted, I don't like everybody I meet, but I've at least had several meaningful relationships in my (almost) 30 years.
What I mean by that is that I have acquaintances and we do discuss our personal lives sometimes, but I wouldn't feel comfortable calling them out of the blue or asking them to hang out on the weekends. I did mention to a few of those acquaintances that I wanted to stop dating and it was nothing out of the ordinary because we talk to each other about dating in general. I have a friend who I've known since 2nd grade and I think the last time I actually saw her in person was 2008, but we can still talk to each other about personal issues and we're thinking about taking a trip together. I used to be closer to my cousins when we were kids, and even though I only see them a few times a year now, it's not awkward and we can still talk. I'm just saying that no one is a fixture in my daily life aside from my cat and my parents. Everyone else, I talk to them when I talk to them and see them when I see them, and that's not my definition of a deep, emotional connection. If that means that I'm troubled, then yes I'm troubled.
+1..........kinda like people who get pissy drunk, throwing up all over themselves, promising they're never going to drink again., and. Four months later they're drinking again.
Well, I can't predict what's going to happen four months from now, but this is how I feel today.
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