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Maybe. But in her other thread she did say she felt sad for him and had wanted his life to go a better way after they split up.
Here's something related: My ex-SO is in law enforcement. One of his coworkers died a few years ago. At the time, he had been separated from his wife for several years--I think it was 6 or 7. I don't know the specifics, but I would wager that if they divorced, she'd have tried to take half of his pension. (That happened to someone else at the job.) The fellow had been in a relationship with someone else for almost as long as he'd been separated.
When he died, his wife got his benefits, even though they hadn't even spoken in years other than about the kids--she lived out of state--and the woman he was with all that time got nothing unless he had a separate life insurance policy and put her in it or something. I felt bad for her.
So there's a flipside to this. Would people stay married to keep all of a pension? The guy was young, late 40s I believe, and probably had no reason to suspect he'd die before retirement. He probably figured he'd just stay legally married and enjoy his money when he retired. By then his kids would be adults, so he wouldn't have to worry about child support. The main issue would be whether his ex filed for divorce then, but by then the separation would be so long that no court would award her the money.
Sorry for the gf but it was really stupid on her bfs account to just assume he will not die any time soon.
A) he is in law enforcement, DUH
B) everybody should have a will aka think ahead of their own death and what will happen with their estate/pension.
I don't see a pension as different from any other asset acquired during the course of a marriage; for the surviving spouse to lose out on that because s/he moved on with a new mate (which virtually all loving spouses would want for the other) is all about the fund not wanting to pay out a dime more than they can get away with.
I don't see it the way that you do at all. Pension is earned. It's money that has been earned and if the person dies before they are able to collect it, then I feel like their work was wasted. And pensions are funded by all different sources - employers, unions, the government, etc. If I had a pension and died before I could enjoy it - I would want my husband to enjoy it - even if he was with someone else during those years. That doesn't negate our marriage nor my wanting him to be able to enjoy what we worked for while I was living.
This is all true and well and good, but, the rules governing a pension are what they are. If the rules say, you lose the pension if you remarry, well, that's how it is. Seems to me what's legal and what's "right" only intersect by chance, and rarely.
I could hardly see marrying anyone if it makes either party take a big financial hit. But there are people with strong religious beliefs that would do it. Makes no sense to me though.
If I remarry I lose all my survivor benefits from my dearly departed husband. Would anybody actually remarry and lose all this? That seems totally crazy to me, but, I'm curious do people actually do that?
Depends on how much $$ it is and what the new prospective husband thinks about it and how your financial status is without that extra $$.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by M3 Mitch
This is all true and well and good, but, the rules governing a pension are what they are. If the rules say, you lose the pension if you remarry, well, that's how it is. Seems to me what's legal and what's "right" only intersect by chance, and rarely.
Absolutely. And, personally, I think there is a time and a place to ignore laws that are unjust (heck, civil rights history is full of that) or to practice jury nullification, but the ethical and moral issues surrounding the practice deserves to be debated. Otherwise laws and rules that are perceived as unjust do not change.
Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice
Sadly, one of the biggest reasons senior citizens are choosing to "shack up" these days.
And why, though slightly different, why so many low income earners also shack up. They may lose benefits if they marry.
A lot of ( especially older people) do choose to just live together rather than marry so that they can keep their benefits. I see nothing wrong with this personally.
My grandma raised four kids with an alcoholic, who passed away early at 52, at 34 years of marriage. My dad said he thought he was on his way to changing as he chose to meet me, a ten day old baby, as opposed to drink at the bar shortly before he died. She has had a fiance since I was 6 and was in her life since I was 3 or 4. They haven't gotten married due to the pension, but in my eyes... she's earned that right to choose.
Personally, I think is ethically and morally justified to preserve what is rightfully yours.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Absolutely. And, personally, I think there is a time and a place to ignore laws that are unjust (heck, civil rights history is full of that) or to practice jury nullification, but the ethical and moral issues surrounding the practice deserves to be debated. Otherwise laws and rules that are perceived as unjust do not change.
And why, though slightly different, why so many low income earners also shack up. They may lose benefits if they marry.
My grandma raised four kids with an alcoholic, who passed away early at 52, at 34 years of marriage. My dad said he thought he was on his way to changing as he chose to meet me, a ten day old baby, as opposed to drink at the bar shortly before he died. She has had a fiance since I was 6 and was in her life since I was 3 or 4. They haven't gotten married due to the pension, but in my eyes... she's earned that right to choose.
Amen....sad but true for wives of alcoholics.
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