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You mentioned that you and he are related by his marriage. Is he married to your sister, or another family member??
If so, he may be seeking your company just because it is easier and you are available. You might want to make him work for a relationship with you....Do you, and let him do him for awhile. If it is meant to be, it will be.
No i said I was once married into his family. He is related to my ex inlaws.
To be fair, you are not the best judge of what are "good reasons" because what you have deemed to be "good reasons" are what have kept you in the horrible situation you are in.
OP's problem is not nearly as complicated as yours now is, and she is in a position to save herself a lot of heartache.
The standard pattern is standard for a very good reason. Entangling yourself in another relationship before your own emotional house is clean only masks problems and blurs priorities. It's a terrible idea for her to serve as a "soft place to land" for this dude, who apparently also has his own "good reason" (i.e. rationalization) for staying married to his wife.
"Good reasons"= whatever reasons are valid to the people involved. I stand by mine. I have no regrets.
I'm not going to derail this thread with my own stuff.
My point is that relationships are as messy and complicated as the HUMANS who create and sustain them sometimes, and what one person sees as "the way things are" isn't always really the way things are for everyone. I'm not interested in making assumptions and judgments of this sort. Besides which, I doubt if the OP would take them seriously.
Agree with other posters who suggested supporting him in exercising, eating well, not drinking...be supportive if/when he permits, and not demanding, and definitely do everything you can to stay out of his divorce drama. If he needs to talk, listen, but don't give a lot back...just be present and receptive.
This of course assumes that you are into him enough to want to wait this out and continue forward. If you decided it was just too much to deal with, and moved on, no one would blame you for that either.
I just suggest some personal soul searching, and examination of your instincts with regard to this man, to really be sure you're honest with yourself, that it is what you think it is and you're not just seeing only what you want to see, and make sure that no matter how it goes you're making yourself a priority.
Looking for advice on how I can help him and not push him away while he navigates this difficult time.
Background- They have been seperated for years. Have not lived together in a good 6-8 years. He has had relationships since his seperation and prior to me. The divorce is supposed to be final in a few weeks.
A few weeks ago she got very angry with him and verbally abusive. She has always been a tad on the crazy side, with yelling, unrealistic expectaions and requests, verbally abusive, etc. Since then he has become distant, quiet and withdrawn.
I came out and asked him if he was just not into me anymore and he said that its not me at all. He said he has just realized that while he knows the marriage is over, he wants it to be over, he just is not over things like be thought he was.
Looking back I remember going through similar feelings when my divorce was final and we had been in a similar situation of being separated for years.
How can I help him without pushing him away? He has been doing guy time a few times a week. Most other nights a week he is with me.
If he's not gotten this sorted out mentally after six years of separation, he needs a therapist.
I recommend being friendly and supportive, but you need to distance yourself from him. Or, at the very least, distance your kids.
He's liable to bail once the divorce is final.
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Looking for advice on how I can help him and not push him away while he navigates this difficult time.
Background- They have been seperated for years. Have not lived together in a good 6-8 years. He has had relationships since his seperation and prior to me. The divorce is supposed to be final in a few weeks.
A few weeks ago she got very angry with him and verbally abusive. She has always been a tad on the crazy side, with yelling, unrealistic expectaions and requests, verbally abusive, etc. Since then he has become distant, quiet and withdrawn.
I came out and asked him if he was just not into me anymore and he said that its not me at all. He said he has just realized that while he knows the marriage is over, he wants it to be over, he just is not over things like be thought he was.
Looking back I remember going through similar feelings when my divorce was final and we had been in a similar situation of being separated for years.
How can I help him without pushing him away? He has been doing guy time a few times a week. Most other nights a week he is with me.
Guys I know who have drug their feet on divorce have wished for the ex to take them back or wanted to work things out. The guys I knw who followed thru were ready for divorce and be done with the ex. I get the feeling this guy was hoping for things to work out with the ex. The only thing you can do is wait and see what happens. I had a really nice girl interested in me after my divorce but she kept pushing me and I eventually broke it off with her because I was not ready for the kind of relationship she wanted. Your guy sounds like he isn't over the ex or ready for a relationship.
Guys I know who have drug their feet on divorce have wished for the ex to take them back or wanted to work things out. The guys I knw who followed thru were ready for divorce and be done with the ex. I get the feeling this guy was hoping for things to work out with the ex. The only thing you can do is wait and see what happens. I had a really nice girl interested in me after my divorce but she kept pushing me and I eventually broke it off with her because I was not ready for the kind of relationship she wanted. Your guy sounds like he isn't over the ex or ready for a relationship.
It was not a situation of dragging feet. It was more of an issue of not being around to make it happen. Of their 10 year marriage, they lived together less than 2 years. When he was back in the area and could make the committment, he pushed for the divorce again. Neither of them want to be married to each other. Or at least thats what they both have said. He was even briefly engaged to another woman.
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