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Wow, I'm shocked that anyone thinks this is ok. I think it is horrendous, selfish, inconsiderate, offensive, and just plain WEIRD!! I'd be angry and hurt for all the reasons others have mentioned:
It's weird for a dad to take his 30-year old daughter alone on a trip to a romantic place (I have NEVER heard of a man doing this).
It's weird and inconsiderate that "bonding" with his daughter during the first few months of his marriage are apparently more important to him than bonding with his new wife is.
It's selfish of dad to commit to that kind of expense without ascertaining that the wife didn't mind (people may feel differently about that, but I am of the "joint finances" mindset, not separate.)
It's offensive that he secretly planned this trip without ever mentioning it to his wife.
It's offensive and weird that he is going on this trip before he has planned a honeymoon with his wife.
OP, it's time for a very serious conversation about each of your expectations in the marriage. Clearly the two of you are not on the same page. I'm not sure he's even in the same BOOK as anyone I've ever known.
LMFAO... if I was his daughter, I would be asking why are you planning a trip to Cancun with your daughter when you haven't planned your honeymoon with your new bride. Wow.
Wow, I'm shocked that anyone thinks this is ok. I think it is horrendous, selfish, inconsiderate, offensive, and just plain WEIRD!! I'd be angry and hurt for all the reasons others have mentioned:
It's weird for a dad to take his 30-year old daughter alone on a trip to a romantic place (I have NEVER heard of a man doing this).
It's weird and inconsiderate that "bonding" with his daughter during the first few months of his marriage are apparently more important to him than bonding with his new wife is.
It's selfish of dad to commit to that kind of expense without ascertaining that the wife didn't mind (people may feel differently about that, but I am of the "joint finances" mindset, not separate.)
It's offensive that he secretly planned this trip without ever mentioning it to his wife.
It's offensive and weird that he is going on this trip before he has planned a honeymoon with his wife.
OP, it's time for a very serious conversation about each of your expectations in the marriage. Clearly the two of you are not on the same page. I'm not sure he's even in the same BOOK as anyone I've ever known.
^^^^ This.
The only plausible outs are: She's moving to Antartica and won't be available for the next several years or she has some terminal illness. Sorry, just my opinion.
This is way wierd. Why couldnt all 3 of you go? What type of bonding does he need to do with a 30 year old daughter? And why does she want to go to Cancun with her dad?
Wouldnt you think he'd WANT to go with his new wife? Call it their honeymoon? Or a nice trip? Or something???
I think its odd too - he has a wife of four months and would rather go on a trip with his daugher than take his new wife on a honeymoon trip? Why is he just now deciding that at the age of thirty his daughter needs to all of a sudden "bond" with him? He had thirty years to take her on "bonding" trips.
Once he married again, his finances should become "their" finances and he should have told her about the trip beforehand. It seems rather sneaky to present it to her as a done deal. It doesn't sound like a case of the new wife being jealous of the daughter or needing to chill - if it bothers her then she should go with her gut feeling and question her husband. The new wife should come first - his daughter isn't a child any longer, but a grown woman. Why couldn't the wife come along which would give them an opportunity to get to know one another as a family (although I still would want my honeymoon first) rather than him flying off to Cancun without her?
I don't think there's anything wrong with him wanting to spend time with his daughter, but if you're married, he should have run it by you rather than announcing it. That's what married people do. I see this as him letting you know how things are going to be--he's going to make the decisions and you're going to live with them.
How long did you know him before you married? Has he made other big decisions without you?
Also, the Cancun destination seems weird to me, unless they share an interest in snorkeling or scuba diving or something.
What the heck does one trip have anything to do with the other?
This is typical b****y second wife jealousy towards the kids nonsense you see all the time.
If she was fine with postponing the "honeymoon" (again a bit of a farce considering they have ADULT CHILDREN) before for other reasons, there is zero reason to freak out about other plans her husband makes in the interim.
Posts like this is the r reason I am sometimes embarrassed to be a woman. People freak out about the stupidest things. So petty. Just petty.
Wives come and go...this much is obvious here. Kids are forever. I have a feeling this lady will never be very gracious towards his kids.
A thirty year old is hardly a kid. I might feel differently if we were talking about a 10 yr old, but really, even then the bonding trip should not usurp the honeymoon. You are a minority of one thinking this is ok.
I take it you have verified all of this with his daughter? If not, you should, to make sure it's her he's actually going with. And don't be obvious about it. Don't warn either of them. Just mention it to her in passing, like, "What were the dates you and [hub] wanted to go to Cancun?"
Cancun is full of singles resorts and honeymoon places. It's bizarre that a father and adult daughter would plan a trip there together.
Aside from all the stuff everyone else has said,I will add this: in my opinion, a honeymoon is a trip that two newly married people go on to spend quality time together and do lots of romantic things. If you don't do it right after the wedding, it's not a honeymoon any more. It's a vacation.
My husband and I have been married for 41 years, and because of work committments we didn't have a honeymoon. He went to work the day after the wedding and I spend the day unpacking boxes in our new apartment. We honeymooned in the evenings, in the apartment. I don't think we should suddenly announce that we never got a honeymoon, so we are going on one now. I think that's what the term 'romantic getaway' is for.
I think you opted for no honeymoon, so now you just go on vacation together. Without the daughter.
And if he wants to still be married to you, he needs to learn how to communicate and work as a team. Planning anything like this and springing it on you is bad form.
Last edited by DragonflyMom; 05-20-2015 at 04:31 PM..
Aside from all the stuff everyone else has said,I will add this: in my opinion, a honeymoon is a trip that two newly married people go on to spend quality time together and do lots of romantic things. If you don't do it right after the wedding, it's not a honeymoon any more. It's a vacation.
My husband and I have been married dor 41 years, and because of work committments we didn't have a honeymoon. He went to work the day after the wedding and I spend the day unpacking boxes in our new apartment. We honeymooned in the evenings, in the apartment. I don't think we should suddenly announce that we never got a honeymoon, so we are going on one now. I think that's what the term 'romantic getaway' is for.
I think you opted for no honeymoon, so now you just go on vacation together. Without the daughter.
And if he wants to still be married to you, he needs to learn how to communicate and work as a team. Planning anything like this and springing it on you is bad form.
I kind of agree, really. We didn't go on one (not by my choice) and...yeah the magic is gone for anything to be a "honeymoon". We went on plenty of trips as a couple, but none that the excitement of having just gotten married would have been.
I still think its weird to go to cancun with your 30 year old daughter and not invite your wife...and do it before having a much earned "romantic getaway". I would be mad about it.
Last edited by HighFlyingBird; 05-20-2015 at 04:41 PM..
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