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1. The partners I have had in my life, as I said, we're people I stayed with just because. What that means is that I did not feel convinced that was the partner I was going to marry or spend the rest of my life with. It does NOT mean I considered them nothing or cheated on them.
2. Just to clarify, I am in my mid twenties. I am learning what it means to love and have a healthy relationship.
1. And you're not convinced where this new girlfriend is concerned either.
2. You're still very young.
My point is that in the first "flush" it's not unusual at all to have that overwhelmingly joyous feeling that "the right one" has finally come along. Not unusual at all but this is the first time you've experienced this sort of intensity and it's exhilarating, no question of that.
I see no reason why you should just walk away. It doesn't impact me negatively that she's had scores of sexual encounters - they were then and this is now and one thing I can't stand is the attitude that's been expressed a few times on this thread already that, "once a cheater always a cheater ..." etc. It's not as though she's been married a dozen times and cheated on her husband every time. She's young and she experimented - so what?
What does concern me is that you're concerned about certain things she does now which you see as being "shady". You're absolutely right to be cautious and should continue to be so. You're not used to being with someone who's been so brutally honest about her past and she's not used to being with someone like you who's not had that sort of experience and who she obviously cares about a lot. It may work and it may not but nobody can possibly determine that. Relationships grow over time and are built on mutual trust. Give it time and when things crop up talk about them to HER. Good luck.
1. And you're not convinced where this new girlfriend is concerned either.
2. You're still very young.
My point is that in the first "flush" it's not unusual at all to have that overwhelmingly joyous feeling that "the right one" has finally come along. Not unusual at all but this is the first time you've experienced this sort of intensity and it's exhilarating, no question of that.
I see no reason why you should just walk away. It doesn't impact me negatively that she's had scores of sexual encounters - they were then and this is now and one thing I can't stand is the attitude that's been expressed a few times on this thread already that, "once a cheater always a cheater ..." etc. It's not as though she's been married a dozen times and cheated on her husband every time. She's young and she experimented - so what?
What does concern me is that you're concerned about certain things she does now which you see as being "shady". You're absolutely right to be cautious and should continue to be so. You're not used to being with someone who's been so brutally honest about her past and she's not used to being with someone like you who's not had that sort of experience and who she obviously cares about a lot. It may work and it may not but nobody can possibly determine that. Relationships grow over time and are built on mutual trust. Give it time and when things crop up talk about them to HER. Good luck.
I don't think this is about her past. It's about her potty mouth, seemingly excessive phone activity with a lot of guys, some of it at inappropriate hours, and the OP's insecurities. They're not a good match.
I don't think this is about her past. It's about her potty mouth, seemingly excessive phone activity with a lot of guys, some of it at inappropriate hours, and the OP's insecurities. They're not a good match.
An opinion to which you're entitled. You said you, "didn't read every word .. didn't have to" but I did take the time to read and simply feel a little differently overall. Hate to make judgmental black and white pronouncements anyway on relationships as there are so many more than 50 shades of grey. The OP will get it sorted out one way or the other, sooner or later.
I don't think this is about her past. It's about her potty mouth, seemingly excessive phone activity with a lot of guys, some of it at inappropriate hours, and the OP's insecurities. They're not a good match.
I think you're right, it has everything to do with these things... but, if she had a squeaky clean past, I wouldn't have anywhere near the doubts I do. This is why I wish I didn't know, I wish we never broached the topic. It was in a very innocent way during a casual conversation, and boom. She was so freaking honest about it and it may have to do with how confident I am, she thought I could handle it, I suppose. I can handle certain things, but obviously this was all too much. I am typically a very, very, confident person.
I think it comes down to this:
1. Time. Only time will tell. I may be overacting and paranoid. She always seems so nonchalant and says with such conviction I have nothing to worry about. The paranoia probably comes from the fact I never liked someone this much.
2. Acceptance. I need to accept her past. I need to learn to accept her past or I need to walk away. And I need to see if I can accept that sooner than later. I am pretty sure no guy wants to know that his girl slept with the whole town. I am pretty sure every guy wants to feel special in his woman's eyes, this is human nature. Can I come to grips with this? I don't know yet.
3. Trust. I need to learn to trust her. This goes along with the time factor. Only problem is, I don't know if I ever be able trust her. The only way to find out is to wait it out. I don't want to throw this relationship out because I am overreacting. I am typically very pragmatic. I also analyze things like this in depth because I feel that avoiding risk will keep me on a successful path in my very demanding career. Having a partner that you can love and trust in your life can really have an affect on your successes. This is why I really haven't got involved with anyone and didn't plan to. But the she walked in the door.
4. Accepting my inadequacies. I must come to accept my own inadequacies. If the trust aspect was there one day, all that would be left is my internal conflicts. Really her past isn't any of my business, but I know now so it needs to be. Beyond that, it becomes an internal conflict for me. I have to man up and accept my own flaws and the places I fall short and work on those areas and accepting there is always someone better out there. I need to accept I may not be the best at everything. The only thing I need to be the best at is at being her lover. Someone to provide her with the best and most love she ever had as a partner. But I wouldn't be able to do that without 1-3. So, without getting too far ahead of myself, I just need to wait it out and see how things go.
The other things I see is a completely independent woman. I see someone who doesn't need anyone or anything from anyone. She is self made and has been successful in many aspects, just like me. It's a good feeling on one end, I know she is with me because she wants to be, not because she wants to ride on my coattails. On the other end, I haven't ever had someone who doesn't feel something more than want. Her independence is over the top... I mean that, any girl I have ever been with had some sort of "need" (not literal) to be with me. I feel the want, and not the need from her.
An opinion to which you're entitled. You said you, "didn't read every word .. didn't have to" but I did take the time to read and simply feel a little differently overall. Hate to make judgmental black and white pronouncements anyway on relationships as there are so many more than 50 shades of grey. The OP will get it sorted out one way or the other, sooner or later.
Interesting observation. I've come to the conclusion in my adage that I'll take "want" over "need" any day of the week. I am so much happier with someone who WANTS me unconditionally for better or for worse and who I want in turn than the NEED factor on either side which (at least to me) is betoken of insecurity.
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The OP will get it sorted out one way or the other, sooner or later.
