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I'm probably going to get bashed for remaining in contact with an ex but we dated and lived together for a long time and grew apart nothing nasty just an understanding break up, but we still talk a little and occasionally hangout and I have hooked up with a couple other women since the breakup and she wants to know if I am but I tell her no because I know she still doesn't want to hook up with others and I know it would hurt her. Any constructive mature advice?
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
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I'm not sure what advice you're looking for to be honest. Are you asking if you should disclose that you've been with other women? If so, why on earth would you want to do that? It's none of her business unless you secretly want to hurt her.
I'm probably going to get bashed for remaining in contact with an ex but we dated and lived together for a long time and grew apart nothing nasty just an understanding break up, but we still talk a little and occasionally hangout and I have hooked up with a couple other women since the breakup and she wants to know if I am but I tell her no because I know she still doesn't want to hook up with others and I know it would hurt her. Any constructive mature advice?
I'm probably going to get bashed for remaining in contact with an ex but we dated and lived together for a long time and grew apart nothing nasty just an understanding break up, but we still talk a little and occasionally hangout and I have hooked up with a couple other women since the breakup and she wants to know if I am but I tell her no because I know she still doesn't want to hook up with others and I know it would hurt her. Any constructive mature advice?
Sounds like you're still too intertwined.
You can't have it both ways, broken up but with a say in who you're with.
You guys broke up. If it's going to bother her to find out you're seeing other people, then you guys should make a clean break and stop trying to be friends.
I'm all for skirting these topics as much as possible, but I feel if someone asks you a direct question, you can either be real or be a liar. Very simple.
If you are broken up, most of society recognizes and it is understood that you will go on with your life and she with hers. If I understand what you are saying, information that is painful to her about your current active life is going to be withheld by you so you can manage a relationship with her and with others in your life. It still sounds like she has a brand in the fire with your name on it, and you are waiting for the brand to be used.
I don't hold secrets from many friends about who I hang with or why. They will eventually meet up and there won't be any surprises. Why make this an exception? How long you want to carry on this charade? Walking on eggshells with an ex - this isn't even PC, it's about being invested with an ex, who is likely not over you and you are not over her. Isn't it enough that she can't have you but stays in contact with you? It seems kind of sadistic of you to extend that relationship to her, when it will never be the same, and very masochistic of her to maintain a relationship that is no longer in reach. I'm sure your interpersonal disagreements were just as difficult - how did you broach those problematic subjects? Painful much?
Yeah, rip the band-aid off this one. Over is over. If you are not getting on with things, you have not gotten over things.
Last edited by Kin Atoms; 06-04-2015 at 09:27 PM..
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