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So a question that comes up often (at least for me) on the second or third date is "when was your last relationship"? I'm in my early 30's never married, no kids, and my last relationship ended about two years ago. I'm pretty honest about that, however lots of my friends including my mom tell me I shouldn't say two years, I should just lie and say at most one year, because saying anything longer than that is off putting, may make the guy think there is something wrong with me, or might look like I'm a commitment phobe.
The last time I was asked, when I told the guy I'd been single for two years he raised an eyebrow and said "you??? no way that can't be"! But I explained that I'm not somebody who wants a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship, he then asked if I ever came close marrying anybody or getting engaged and I said yes (but that wasn't true). Anyway it never worked out with that guy, and I don't think it was because of this (but who knows).
So what do you guys think? Would you be put off by a girl who hadn't been in a relationship for two years, especially if you were looking for a relationship? I imagine for men who are interested in something casual, might not mind as much, but for relationship minded men it might be a red flag, no?
I don't even know why people ask this question. I wouldn't care about the person I'm dating when her last relationship was (let's face it, a lot of people tend to lie when it comes to this, so it's why I don't care and wouldn't bother to ask).
But yeah, just because you haven't been a relationship for a while doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.
I know why I would ask this question - to determine whether they might still be getting over someone. If a guy said "it ended last month" that would raise an eyebrow for me.
bebe I know you are looking for the male point for view but just my 2 cents: when asked this question I usually responded "it's been a while." No need to be specific. No need to lie either. BTW, plenty of the guys I met/dated had not been in a relationship for over a year or 2. I don't see why it would be a red flag. What would be a red flag is if you had never been in a relationship at all, in your early 30s.
I don't even know why people ask this question. I wouldn't care about the person I'm dating when her last relationship was (let's face it, a lot of people tend to lie when it comes to this, so it's why I don't care and wouldn't bother to ask).
But yeah, just because you haven't been a relationship for a while doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.
I agree, as long as you're not fresh out of a relationship I really don't care either.
So a question that comes up often (at least for me) on the second or third date is "when was your last relationship"? I'm in my early 30's never married, no kids, and my last relationship ended about two years ago. I'm pretty honest about that, however lots of my friends including my mom tell me I shouldn't say two years, I should just lie and say at most one year, because saying anything longer than that is off putting, may make the guy think there is something wrong with me, or might look like I'm a commitment phobe.
The last time I was asked, when I told the guy I'd been single for two years he raised an eyebrow and said "you??? no way that can't be"! But I explained that I'm not somebody who wants a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship, he then asked if I ever came close marrying anybody or getting engaged and I said yes (but that wasn't true). Anyway it never worked out with that guy, and I don't think it was because of this (but who knows).
So what do you guys think? Would you be put off by a girl who hadn't been in a relationship for two years, especially if you were looking for a relationship? I imagine for men who are interested in something casual, might not mind as much, but for relationship minded men it might be a red flag, no?
If I meet an attractive woman with her act together and she says she has not been in a relationship for two years, it is kind of a red flag for me. I wouldn't run, but I would ask some non intrusive questions to try to figure out why.
The reason why I ask is for the same reason CapsChick said. Someone who's still wounded over an ex, will likely talk about how that ex hurt them. It's a clear indication that they aren't likely ready for someone like me, because they still don't even know what they're ready for. I've played that game before, and it was usually with women who tended to juggle guys. Every woman I've met and dated who only talked to one man at a time, tended to have the same story. Been single for a while, yet had some relationships that just didn't work out.
The ones that hop in and out of many short-term relationships are the ones that are hurt, because they keep ending up in the same situations. They're the ones that are vocal about what their ex did and how they did everything for them.
People are so jumpy these days, looking everywhere for red flags and lacking no shame in asking questions to quiet their fears. Relationships should be adventures, filled with risk and death defying decisions in the face of uncertainty, not job interviews.
I've either been having a lot of deja-vu this week, or you posted this same question a week or two ago, OP. For some reason, there have been several repeat thread posts this week.
Your mother tells you to lie to people? That's outrageous! Two years without a relationship is nothing, and it means nothing, except that you're not clingy, or into bouncing from one relationship to another. Does your mom want the guys you date to think you've had 15 relationships and counting?
And after lying to the guy about coming close to marriage, what if he'd asked you why it didn't work out? You'd have had to come up with more quick lies. This stuff isn't so important that it's worth spinning a web of lies about. Be yourself, and if some guys don't like your self, they can move on. Dating is about weeding and sorting, not about winning a popularity prize every time. You inevitably will be doing some of that weeding and sorting, yourself. It's just part of the process. And stop sharing the details with your mom, or asking her for advice. She's not helping you. She's misguided.
I'll just add that I made it to 42 before living with someone, got to 45 before getting married (we skipped the engagement), and had lots of gaps between relationships. I would never have lied about these things because I felt no reason to - if someone found these truths to be red flags, then so be it.
I ask because I want to gauge how desperate they are for sex.
Oh, and also, have they had enough time to get over the ex.
Whatever the reason, don't lie. It is what it is. People could interpret any answer many ways and if they misinterpret and make a judgement without all the details, to heck with them!
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That's outrageous! Two years without a relationship is nothing, and it means nothing, except that you're not clingy, or into bouncing from one relationship to another. Does your mom want the guys you date to think you've had 15 relationships and counting? 
