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After my last relationship that lasted about 2.5 years, I found myself happier alone. Most people worry about me being alone, but honestly, I enjoy doing my own things and am never bored. I have a good bunch of friends that I hang out with quite a bit, so that could be part of the reason. Also, I am an introvert, so I am very comfortable on my own.
Now that I'm in my 40s, I have to say, I don't really care if I have a relationship or not. Comfortable in my own skin and could care less what anyone thinks. Companionship is nice at times, but I value my personal time more.
39. Single female. Never married. I've taken my profile down from the online site I used. Every once in a while, I reactivate it, survey the field, and mostly just go "meh." On first dates, perhaps this is jaded, but mostly I'm looking at the guy thinking "in what way could you potentially mess up all the great stuff I've got going on?"
I miss sex. But I have a lot of companionship and a pretty busy social life, so I'm not missing out in that way. My life is rather full.
Really, my concern is financial and support-related. My two best friends and I may eventually combine resources when we are much older, and right now I make decent money. However, I feel like I'm not going to be able to do a lot of the things I want to do and my financial situation is more uncertain than if I was married. I don't have backup for errands, household maintenance, emergency situations like married couples do. I don't have backup if I ever to through a long illness or can't work or lose my job. It's the same concern as any single person, I guess, and my wide social circle makes me luckier than most.
In any case, it's not like I'm going to seek out a relationship so that I have a safety net (I mean, part of the reason I'm happily single is because I cherish my independence) - I just have prioritized what's important to me and accepted that some things aren't in the cards.
Totally agree. I'm thinking along the same lines also. I have a couple of single good friends that I'm thinking of living with in the far future. Perhaps get a house and live together, while we each can pitch in for the bills and whatnot. Take care of each other and stuff. We are all living happily single independent lives, so I can't see why we can't enjoy living together and having "backup" for things that come later in life.
I'm another happy single person. During my 20ies, I was single for about 5-6 years and I was doing fine, but deep down I was longing for a love relationship like in the dreams of love I used to have. Those dreams seemed to come true a bit later but it wasn't meant forever. I'm 39 now and I've been single for 3 years, I went back to studying, I have so much peace and joy, but most importantly, I discovered something that really fascinates me in the last years, it's almost as if I've fallen in love with an aspect of life, and having this passion is very rewarding. Next man I'm going to be with, it will be because I like him and we're great together, and not because I need him, or at least not in the way I needed a love relationship in my life years ago, because I feel like a complete happy human being, even I if I have my bad days and challenges like anyone else.
I'm a 26 year old male. I've been single now for almost half a year after a relationship of approximately five years.
My attitude towards the status is quite complicated.
On a professional level it's nice because I have to travel quite a bit.
On a practical level everything is more or less the same. For instance: my ex-girlfriend used to do all the cleaning and the ironing. I hired a lady who cleans my apartment twice a week and also does my ironing.
Social level: I tend to be a bit of a loner, I only have 7 very good friends (the same group for the last 15 years now - we went to school together; 5 male friends, 2 "girl" friends - I see them as one of the guys; I suppose if I ever were to see them naked my first thought would be damn that's a strange penis). Our group tends to do social stuff at least once a week (mostly mundane things like dinner and playing pool etc...). In my other free time I try to participate in things like vegetarian cooking lessons (since well now I have to do all the cooking and I've discovered that my repertoire is getting exhausted quite fast - which is a problem since I absolutely dislike eating the same thing twice in a month), football club ... . The only noticeable difference for me is more spare free time (don't really have an opinion about this).
Emotional /sexual/romantic level: This poses the greatest problem. In my day to day live I'm expected to behave very stereotypical masculine (also by myself). So there are certain things I can't (or won't - I'm guessing they would talk about it if asked) talk about with my group of friends. Which is okay, since well it's damn awkward to talk about some subjects with your male friends. These were the things I could talk about with my ex-girlfriend, so this is quite annoying.
On a sexual level I don't really see a problem. One does not need a relationship for access to sex, but I've discovered that -for me at least- it's absolutely not as satisfying (just physical nothing more- Il faut bien que le corps exulte). A big plus though is that the latter gives you lots of high fives by your friends. A big downside being the fact that no romance is involved (at least from my part). For me this poses quite a problem since I'm a romantic. I like the gestures, dates, seeing her happy with little things as a rose now and then etc... This results in me preferring, for romantic endeavors, the more feminine women (which does not mean stay at home moms etc, there are heaps of highly educated working feminine women) as opposed to the all practical male variety. I can appreciate a passionate slap (not a punch mind you) in my face even though logically (which admittedly isn't always the only solution to a problem) she is completely in the wrong, as opposed to a woman who only argues with me on a logical level (for me that's like having a thing with one of my best friends).
Another drawback to the single status is, I've discovered during my previous relationship, that I like opera and ballet. In real life I would not admit this. So during the relationship it was quite easy for me to do my girlfriend a favor, and get us tickets for let's say "la bayadère". She thought she was getting a date, while in fact I just wanted to go see it myself. This I can no longer do. This mechanic also worked for other things. You sort of have a partner in crime, for the things you can't do alone or not with your friends. For instance: I myself am not really bothered with this but many people I know dislike going to the movies by themselves, they think it's pathetic - I disagree-, but in this case a gf comes in handy or just a friend (but mostly the latter needs more of a heads up). Also as a male there are just some things you prefer not to do alone, but which you can't do with a male friend (unless you are gay, which is completely fine) and if you do it with a female friend you can send out mixed singles creating waves of awkwardness and wrong intentions for all (these situations can create awesome memories but are highly annoying at the time).
I noticed that most people who are happy about being single, say that the biggest plus is that they can do whatever they please now. For me that has never been an issue; I've always done what I wanted to do. The same goes for her. This does not mean that compromises weren't made, but in a relationship you tend to float towards that quite naturally. I didn't and I don't regret these compromises; it weren't big life changing things like for instance: not studying the things I would have liked etc... . More boring things like normally I'm a night person so from time to time I enjoy staying up very late, this usually resulted in me sleeping until noon. She wasn't a fan, so as a compromise half of the time she was allowed to wake me up. Hardly a problem. Also sometimes and these situations are plentiful, sometimes you just do things for the other party without immediate gain (except good will points or something like that). Yes, during some of these tasks you could have been doing other things that you would have preferred doing more but meh.
To sum it up quite crudely for me it's like a part of your heart that isn't used anymore; it's there but you don't use it. Which is fine, you also have other organs which have little to no use.
Tldr: I'm content about it, but I'm patiently looking around for someone with whom I have a special connection for the right reasons (which runs farther than physical attraction).
I'm a little older (52). After a tumultuous marriage which ended in divorce, I am happy again. I posted in a previous thread about a g/f who put it upon herself to move in with me; of course, I had to put the brakes on that. Now she's not sure that she wants to continue our relationship - I say, "OK, see ya!" Truth is, if I find someone, great. But I'm in no hurry for another relationship. Being alone, I'm my own boss!
I'm a little older (52). After a tumultuous marriage which ended in divorce, I am happy again. I posted in a previous thread about a g/f who put it upon herself to move in with me; of course, I had to put the brakes on that. Now she's not sure that she wants to continue our relationship - I say, "OK, see ya!" Truth is, if I find someone, great. But I'm in no hurry for another relationship. Being alone, I'm my own boss!
Dude, after the curve ball she threw at you, maybe you should just bail on that one. She sounds cray cray.
I am also happily single at 53. After the last LTR which ended a year or so ago, I did reactivate my profile and go to some Meetups, but half-heartedly. I feel so much more freedom now. My ex was grumpy, didn't like my family, rained on my parade...now no one to bring me down or make me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with my nieces...like another poster said, I do miss sex, though!
OP, You sound like you really feel comfortable with yourself. That is great! Most of my life I have always felt like I had to have a man in my life to be happy. Most of my life I have been in unhappy, unfulfilling relationships. When I was forced to be alone I thought I would go crazy at first. Then I discovered that it is important to learn as much as I can about who I am and be content with being by myself and loving who I am. I am still learning. I am old enough to be your mom, btw.
Single, happy, content, fit, healthy ,strong and excited about continuing work on my next project and hobbies. I'm the life and soul of the party as well as the only light in the room.
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