crazy women on okc (loving, cheated, younger, children)

[TMBGBlueCanary]

Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork

I've flaked on a few people before, because if I have no real investment in you as a person (only communicated a few times online, never met in person) then I feel no obligation to go out of my way to explain things to you, or make some excuse, and then put up with whatever you might say to try and change my mind. (Which guys often do.)

Sometimes someone (or several someones) far more interesting have come along.
Sometimes I have checked you out and found another profile of yours on another website where you revealed something that freaked me right out. Or maybe you said something to me in our messages that I found disturbing or off-putting.

Another factor is that for different people, there are different thresholds for the "right" (comfortable) amount of communication. Let's say there is a guy I'm interested in, but he barely ever responds to messages from me...it might be a few days after I message him, and then I'll get "I'm sorry but things have been really hectic" or something. OK. But after a while, I'll lose interest because it feels like he's just not that interested. Now assume I've got a guy who sends me messages constantly throughout the day, whether I responded or not. My inbox peppered with nagging attempts to get me to engage in conversation when clearly I am busy or disinterested..."Hey." "Hi." "Hi." "How's it going?" "How r u?" like 5-6 times a day even when I don't reply. That guy is gonna get blocked.

Is there a Ms. Right for these two men? Yeah. Probably. But she's not me...

I think you bring up some good points. #1 being it's just online dating, there is no obligation to actually go out on a date just because you start talking to someone... just like you have no obligation to date someone in a bar you strike up a conversation with. It's essentially an electronic, "singles club" if you will.

I tend to get bored with the types that want to chat or text nonstop and never want to meet. I just can't get a good feel for a person and I can't tell if I am attracted though a computer. One or two messages to figure a few things out and then I want to meet in person... just for a cup of coffee or something. I need to meet, look the person in the eye, see the body language, hear the laugh, etc to know if there is chemistry. If there isn't that attraction, well, messaging back and forth for weeks is a big waste of two people's time.

And being in person, people show their true selves, not a carefully crafted persona. Case in point, the person I met this weekend who is living in an RV... well, they made a racist remark about a particular nationality "taking over" and making things "worse." That was a BIG eye opener. This isn't even a person I want to be friends with (all that other stuff aside), let alone date. That's something you'd almost never figure out with messaging back and forth. The bitterness about the ex was another thing that shined through in meeting... the way the conversation drifted to that time and time again and how words about he ex were nearly "spat" out.

[TMBGBlueCanary]

Originally Posted by timberline742

Please. It isn't anything like 90%. Maybe 1 in 5 have issues with vagueness and not being sincere. Not any different than the real world. The great thing about OLD, other than being able to know something about what makes the person tick, is that you know they're looking to date, with small exception.

I've just been reminded how easy it is. Too easy actually. Had my profile up 13 days total on and off over last 3 weeks or so, maybe 4. Met 4 people, meeting 2 more, still talking to one other over email. Profile is off now and probably will be for the summer since a couple of these will probably go somewhere (one will just be a FWB (her choice), but that's cool). I could never, ever have set up dates with that many cute/cool women in a few weeks without OLD; probably not a year (I just wouldn't have met that many despite being out and about all the time).

If something is going wrong with OLD, it is the same issue a person might have IRL, that is a bad picker, or being in a cruddy area. It isn't OLDs fault.

Maybe it depends on how you define that 90%.

I for one have never met a long term partner though online dating. In the first phase of things (the messages) I'd say about 1 our of 4 pan out (a lot of people I message, don't message back... and a few who message me are just weird messages/maybe spam... and I am not counting "likes" or "winks" and that stuff, I mean real messages). Then, of that 25% that send "real" messages or reply I have to get someone to actually meet. There are people who message non stop and never meet. Or some people start with the messaging and fade away (maybe not interested or maybe they met someone else). But that decreases things more. Then, of the ones I actually meet, it's getting beyond that first meet and greet to get to the first "real" date.

It's easy to meet people and get to that first meet and greet, but there is a lot to pick though to get to that one meet and greet date. And that first M&G is often the last time you see the person.

My point being, if you are talking about messaging real, non-flakes online, then yeah, 90% is high. I think it's more like 70-75% based on my experiences. But if you are talking to actually going on a date with the person, even a meet and greet, then I'd have to say my experience is closer to 90% not working out... actually going on a date with just 1:10 people I start messaging (or starts messaging me) though online dating. But if you are talking about a lasting relationship... well, my number is 0% success with online dating, lol. But I still keep trying every now and then. I do indeed get a lot more dates online than not. That's for sure. What's the definition of insanity again? Come to think of it, maybe I *am* a crazy person doing online dating if I keep trying and expecting different results.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by TMBGBlueCanary

It's easy to meet people and get to that first meet and greet, but there is a lot to pick though to get to that one meet and greet date.

There is? I didn't message anyone this last bout, I just responded to the ones that messaged me. We exchanged 2-3 messages tops then made plans to meet out. Pretty simple.

There were a few that messaged me that that I didn't carry on a conversation with because of distance or dealbreakers, but that was maybe 3-4 out of a dozen or so total (plus or minus).

Two of the four were one and dones, which is the norm, but there is potential with the others, and some I haven't met.

I dunno, I think it is fairly simple. Exchange a couple of messages and meet up and grab a drink, take it from there. One reason my profile is back off as it is too easy, I have plans the next four nights (3 from OLD, 2 new one repeat (the other is a friend)) and I want to make plans for the weekend with one I've hung out with a few times. If I had unlimited energy it could go on forever, I think.

But yeah, it's hard to meet a really great person. I as engaged to someone I was with three years from OLD (glad we didn't go through with that), I dated another person 5 years, and was lovers with one for 8 years (we're still good friends), so yeah, I'm pretty high on OLD. It's a great way to make friends, or just get laid, or date, or any combination of those.

[TMBGBlueCanary]

Originally Posted by timberline742

There is? I didn't message anyone this last bout, I just responded to the ones that messaged me. We exchanged 2-3 messages tops then made plans to meet out. Pretty simple.

There were a few that messaged me that that I didn't carry on a conversation with because of distance or dealbreakers, but that was maybe 3-4 out of a dozen or so total (plus or minus).

Two of the four were one and dones, which is the norm, but there is potential with the others, and some I haven't met.

I dunno, I think it is fairly simple. Exchange a couple of messages and meet up and grab a drink, take it from there. One reason my profile is back off as it is too easy, I have plans the next four nights (3 from OLD, 2 new one repeat (the other is a friend)) and I want to make plans for the weekend with one I've hung out with a few times. If I had unlimited energy it could go on forever, I think.

But yeah, it's hard to meet a really great person. I as engaged to someone I was with three years from OLD (glad we didn't go through with that), I dated another person 5 years, and was lovers with one for 8 years (we're still good friends), so yeah, I'm pretty high on OLD. It's a great way to make friends, or just get laid, or date, or any combination of those.

It's not really complex, that's true, but it's a lot to weed though. Maybe I should do like you and just respond to those that message me. After all, none of the ones I messaged panned out. But I just pulled up Match... I've been back on Match for one week now. I had 9 people message me in that time. I don't know how many I messaged (just don't feel like counting to be honest.. yeah, I am being lazy).

Of those 9 people, I met one who ended up being the homeless person living in an RV that I had nothing in common with (including basic values). The other is one I am meeting this weekend. So I suppose technically that's A 22% success rate for "meet and greets" of the ones who messaged me (assuming the date on Saturday doesn't get canceled).

But what you do, a few messages and meet up, is what I do too. If it gets that far and it is pretty simple. Just wish I could meet someone to date on a more regular basis and get off the site.

[timberline742]

Yeah, I haven't done match for 7-8 years. I think pre OKC it was a different site and honestly the good women moved to OKC from what I saw and decided not to spend the money. I dated a bunch on match, and had a number of short term relationships, but nothing awesome. OKC is far better, IMO, and the the old The Onion personals (RIP) while small had amazing people. The best thing on OKC is the match % and being able to read the other persons answers. I was communicating with one woman who had a pretty high match (90%) but after I got into the weeds of her answers it was clear we'd never really connect, so that was one I let go.

I don't bother messaging anyone on OKC unless we both "like" each other, and even then I rarely do.

[Teckeeee]

Originally Posted by SUPbud

"crazy" is an awfully strong word, I agree that "flaky" is more apt.

I find 3 main varieties of O.L.D. chat summaries:

1. I dont like you, I won't reply to you under any circumstances (90% of cases)

2. I'll reply to you two or three times, with short answers, and then STOP for no apparent reason (9% of cases). (Are you a software bot?)

3. We'll seem to have OK back n forth, basic compatibility and even a couple LOLs. I'll ask to meet for the coffee or ice cream, meet n greet, no pressure, 1 hour kind of deal in a public place. She'll come back with something insanely frustratiing like "I usually don't meet people off of here".

&^$%#!!! Why do you even BOTHER having a profile on a dating site then? There are 500 different online forums where you can just CHAT with random strangers who you're never going to meet in real life.

I have A list on OKC and screen for people that won't meet........why waste my time on some pen pal

I screen for other things too and found it's worth paying for A list so I can scan their "hidden" answers and see if we are a fit.

[NWGirl74]

Originally Posted by k374

What's up with this?

Here's what I find frustrating on the other side of the coin: I logged in to OKC the other day to close my account. I had a few new profile views and a couple new "likes" so I decided to check them out.

One of the "likes" was from a guy I found attractive and whose profile indicated some common interests. The profile was a bit sparse, however, and I did get a bit of a "too good to be true" Spidey sense, with the inclination this was not a real profile. But I sent him a message anyway.

He responded a couple of hours later (yea!) and answered what I sent him, but did absolutely nothing to further the conversation (boo!). I didn't write back again because for one thing, the weekend hit and I didn't get online all weekend and to do so would be starting over from scratch and what's the point of that?

I find this happens rather frequently when I start a conversation - I get a response that leaves me with nothing to continue the conversation. I can understand doing that if you aren't interested in the person but to send an initial nudge (in this case a "like") and then not make any effort beyond that when the other person indicates they are receptive makes me wonder why some bother being online in the first place?

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by NWGirl74

I find this happens rather frequently when I start a conversation - I get a response that leaves me with nothing to continue the conversation. I can understand doing that if you aren't interested in the person but to send an initial nudge (in this case a "like") and then not make any effort beyond that when the other person indicates they are receptive makes me wonder why some bother being online in the first place?

This happens. I take it as they're just being polite and responding, but aren't really interested.

[Teckeeee]

Originally Posted by NWGirl74

Here's what I find frustrating on the other side of the coin: I logged in to OKC the other day to close my account. I had a few new profile views and a couple new "likes" so I decided to check them out.

One of the "likes" was from a guy I found attractive and whose profile indicated some common interests. The profile was a bit sparse, however, and I did get a bit of a "too good to be true" Spidey sense, with the inclination this was not a real profile. But I sent him a message anyway.

He responded a couple of hours later (yea!) and answered what I sent him, but did absolutely nothing to further the conversation (boo!). I didn't write back again because for one thing, the weekend hit and I didn't get online all weekend and to do so would be starting over from scratch and what's the point of that?

I find this happens rather frequently when I start a conversation - I get a response that leaves me with nothing to continue the conversation. I can understand doing that if you aren't interested in the person but to send an initial nudge (in this case a "like") and then not make any effort beyond that when the other person indicates they are receptive makes me wonder why some bother being online in the first place?

I have had the same happen often from a guy's point of view. Being in sales the ability to have a conversation comes more natural.

I try and end my conversation with something that will further it..........if they choose. How was your day, how did that project you mentioned turned out. Because it also shows I listen.

The lady I am meeting tomorrow night hit it off just like that. She said I am in sales ops I said oh nice you make sure my deals get installed smoothly I like you already, and she joked are the sales guy that makes my life difficult on job sites no you would like me so much you would buy me lunch.

But I have had some just like you mentioned over the last 2 weeks and that tells me cut em loose they can't hold an conversation and that's the reason they are on OLD.

One last funny one. This lady I like her a couple of weeks ago, sent a brief and reference to reading her profile...........after visiting my profile 5 times she finally send hello how's your night.......with no reference to anything in my profile..........figure why not take a chance numbers game so we start messaging and she is gripping I am making spelling errors........... and then followed by I am lonely and can't find a date..........block/hide Ciao' good luck sweetie you got issues She is from OKC.

Almost forgot to mention the lady I am meeting up with tomorrow I met her on Tinder and we both made it clear we were looking for a date not a hookup.......so thanks Strawberrykiki because you got me to try Tinder for dating and there are some quality women like you.

Tinder and OKC are all that I am using now because Match is $20 and has a lot of stale profiles/fakes.

[Lafleur]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

Or really don't want to date, just looking for attention.

This is very common on OLD sites.