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So I've been told by more than a few people that are close to me that I tend to date or be more attracted to men who are by common standards not very physically attractive. Don't get me wrong I have dated very attractive men in the past, but when I look back--with the exception of one guy--the guys I was super into were mostly men most girls wouldn't give a second look to (based solely on physical attractiveness). While yes, I have to be somewhat attracted physically to the guy, a guy who's very smart and funny will become more attractive to me then someone who is good looking but has a dry personality.
My best friend was on the phone with me this morning, and said to me my type is "ugly intellectual guys", which is true I guess, although I wouldn't call them "ugly" (and yes I get that physical appearance is totally subjective, but I'm talking common agreed upon standards for the most part). I also read an article by Evan Marc Katz (I know he's controversial) that said to stop going for guys who are smarter than you because basically they're not "relationship material" (I would attach the link, but I'm at work and his website is blocked). I place a large emphasis on a guy being funny and smart (I'm very into stand up comedy and all that, so for me sense of humor is at the top of my list), but Katz, in his article basically says to settle for somebody who isn't that smart because he would make a better boyfriend/husband, which sounds ridiculous to me! So since I like a funny guy, they're usually very smart (feel like the two go hand in hand, if you're really funny!), I don't see that changing for me, I always had a crush on the class clown in grade school, then in college I always was most attracted to the guy who made everyone laugh, I mean I'm super attracted to Louis CK (which nobody seems to understand), I've just always wanted the smart funny guy, I'm in my thirties so I don't see that changing. I also find funny guys bring out my personality best since I'm pretty funny as well, however I can be shy, but with funny guys I'm never shy so they get to see my true funny self right away, they just make me feel comfortable right away because I'm in my element I guess.
However, I am in my early thirties and single and starting to think that maybe I should listen to that article, because obviously the funny smart guy just isn't cutting it for whatever reason. So was just looking to get some opinions, should I maybe start changing my standards? Or should I keep dating these types of guys, and hopefully one will stick? lol
No. My friends and families often raise their eyebrows at the kind of guys I date too, and I usually don't care.
If you're an intellectual woman who likes and appreciates intellectual men and that is your schtick, stick to it!
It's like saying, "BeBe, you really need to date a debbie downer. He'll be soo much more committed to you. The sex won't be that great, but oh well, at least he'll commit to you always and forever, 24/7 til death do you part and beyond."
Seriously? Everyone has a type. You shouldn't feel guilty for having a type. And, I agree, it's not always about a guy's looks. Handsome guys can be downright boring, especially the ones so focused on their looks. Funny guys? Chemistry with them is from the heart! Everything else is all surfacey and superficial. Though, comedians tend to self-deprecate a lot, and do have their cynical sides, at least they're Real.
1.stop reading internet blogs.
2. Stick with smart and funny.
3. Your friend is rude for saying you like "ugly intellectual guys". Find better friends.
In sum: Do what works for you. Keep doing what works for you. To thine own self be true, no matter what ur misguided friends say. You just haven't found the right smart, funny guy.
And: What timberline and burglar said. Stop overthinking. Go out and circulate, so you can find a compatible smart, funny guy.
I also read an article by Evan Marc Katz (I know he's controversial) that said to stop going for guys who are smarter than you because basically they're not "relationship material" (I would attach the link, but I'm at work and his website is blocked). I place a large emphasis on a guy being funny and smart (I'm very into stand up comedy and all that, so for me sense of humor is at the top of my list), but Katz, in his article basically says to settle for somebody who isn't that smart because he would make a better boyfriend/husband, which sounds ridiculous to me!
Doesn't sound like he is saying date idiots and it just that you shouldn't limit yourself to men who are smarter than you. I think with his advice you have to keep in mind the type of client he is marketing to - highly educated and successful women. That it won't be the end of the world if a lawyer or someone with a PhD considers a relationship the guy with a bachelors from a state uni.
Ugh that's worst, can't tell you how many times I've heard men talk about what a great sense of humor they have, only to find out that they were the only ones who thought they were funny haha!
His main brand of humor was at others' expense, fairly cutting. Took himself very seriously, though. Not one to turn the same humor on himself, and would have been offended to be on the receiving end.
So I've been told by more than a few people that are close to me that I tend to date or be more attracted to men who are by common standards not very physically attractive. Don't get me wrong I have dated very attractive men in the past, but when I look back--with the exception of one guy--the guys I was super into were mostly men most girls wouldn't give a second look to (based solely on physical attractiveness). While yes, I have to be somewhat attracted physically to the guy, a guy who's very smart and funny will become more attractive to me then someone who is good looking but has a dry personality.
My best friend was on the phone with me this morning, and said to me my type is "ugly intellectual guys", which is true I guess, although I wouldn't call them "ugly" (and yes I get that physical appearance is totally subjective, but I'm talking common agreed upon standards for the most part). I also read an article by Evan Marc Katz (I know he's controversial) that said to stop going for guys who are smarter than you because basically they're not "relationship material" (I would attach the link, but I'm at work and his website is blocked). I place a large emphasis on a guy being funny and smart (I'm very into stand up comedy and all that, so for me sense of humor is at the top of my list), but Katz, in his article basically says to settle for somebody who isn't that smart because he would make a better boyfriend/husband, which sounds ridiculous to me! So since I like a funny guy, they're usually very smart (feel like the two go hand in hand, if you're really funny!), I don't see that changing for me, I always had a crush on the class clown in grade school, then in college I always was most attracted to the guy who made everyone laugh, I mean I'm super attracted to Louis CK (which nobody seems to understand), I've just always wanted the smart funny guy, I'm in my thirties so I don't see that changing. I also find funny guys bring out my personality best since I'm pretty funny as well, however I can be shy, but with funny guys I'm never shy so they get to see my true funny self right away, they just make me feel comfortable right away because I'm in my element I guess.
However, I am in my early thirties and single and starting to think that maybe I should listen to that article, because obviously the funny smart guy just isn't cutting it for whatever reason. So was just looking to get some opinions, should I maybe start changing my standards? Or should I keep dating these types of guys, and hopefully one will stick? lol
Why haven't your previous relationships worked out?
My dad gave me hell for the kind of women I date and marry, I was like thats who is interested in me so thats what I get. That was the end of that with my dad, he has never brought it up again. In the OP's case it sounds like a different sitaution because she is hot and could be making different choices that these other people think would be better. She can do what she wants but I think this is kind of the opposite situtation from what most people deal with when it comes to family and friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kat949
No. My friends and families often raise their eyebrows at the kind of guys I date too, and I usually don't care.
If you're an intellectual woman who likes and appreciates intellectual men and that is your schtick, stick to it!
It's like saying, "BeBe, you really need to date a debbie downer. He'll be soo much more committed to you. The sex won't be that great, but oh well, at least he'll commit to you always and forever, 24/7 til death do you part and beyond."
Seriously? Everyone has a type. You shouldn't feel guilty for having a type. And, I agree, it's not always about a guy's looks. Handsome guys can be downright boring, especially the ones so focused on their looks. Funny guys? Chemistry with them is from the heart! Everything else is all surfacey and superficial. Though, comedians tend to self-deprecate a lot, and do have their cynical sides, at least they're Real.
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