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I've started to become friends with a guy from work. I'm 22 years old, and he's 39 years old.
His wife and kids are in another state right now. He worked for the company before, but about a year ago he moved. Well, he has come back, and he's been trying to get another house here, so they can come back home.
We go out to lunch maybe once a week, if we have time to spare during the day. It's pleasant and a nice break during the work day.
He's said that he enjoys talking to me. He will let me know sometimes that I look nice , but never anything crude. Just being friendly.
He's playful and will toss paper balls at me, or when he's walking by me he'll tickle my back/sides. Or playfully scare me.
We text maybe a few times a week. Usually around 6pm-10/11pm
We talk on the phone after work a few times a week as well.
This past Friday we had off from work due to the 4th of July Holiday, but he called me Friday evening around 8pm, He asked if I was busy, did I have time to talk? He said that he has great news about the house and he wanted to tell me first. I congratulated him and he said the house needs some work and I offered to help. He said great, he could use the help. Then we talked for an hour or so.
He said he doesn't have any friends, well he does - but they're all rednecks who aren't any good, and he only has his family. And he misses them. He talks about his kids all the time. He never really talks about his wife, our last conversation was the first time he mentioned her but he said something like "You better not tell my wife that I wear collared shirts! She thinks I'm turning into a pretty boy." I said "I'm going to tell her!" "No! That's just going to give her more ammunition, she's already got ammo and fires off at me like a machine gun"
Something like that.
Anyway. I want to make sure that it's okay for us to be friends. I've got lots of friends but could always use more!
I've just never had one that's married and older before. I always hear how guys won't talk to a girl they don't want to sleep with. But I don't believe that. Plus he's married and loves his family. Two people can be "just be friends". At least I can.
I thought I'd check in with you guys and see what you think!
OK...Here is what I think...get ready....
There is nothing wrong with having friendships with members of the opposite sex if that is what you truly are. There are limitations however, when one of those "friends" is married.
1. Ask your male friend to introduce you to his lovely wife who he hardly ever brings up. See his reaction. See if she even knows about you at all...how much the two of you text, talk on the phone, see one another. Ask your "friend" how come he told you before his own wife about the "good news about the house". This is not a normal friendship. It goes beyond that.
2. Ask your male friend why he feels the need to tickle your backside. I have had a ton of male friends and they have certainly not tickled my backside. I have, however, had quite a few boyfriends who have. That is not a normal friendship. Again, beyond that. The tossing paper balls is no big deal in my mind, other than being pretty juvenile for a man who is almost 40 years old.
3. Ask yourself why a 39 year old man would want to hang out so much with a 22 year old when he has a wife and kids. Ask yourself when you are married if you would be so very understanding --in your 30's or 40's--if you were to find out that your 40 year old husband is spending so much of his time with a woman almost 20 years younger than him.
4. Ask yourself why you--a 22 year old woman want to spend so much time with a man who is old enough to be your father. Are you looking for a father? Can't you find friends your own age? Boyfriends your own age? What does this man really offer you that others cannot offer you.
This is not a normal friendship. It goes beyond that. Wake up. There does not have to be sex to be cheating on someone. When this man is spending more time seeing, texting and calling you than he is his own wife and family, he is cheating everyone of them---and he is using you to accomplish this. He is not a very nice man. He lacks not only good sense but character as well. Do you really want to be a part of possibly breaking up a home? Obviously for you to come on here and post about it you are questioning the relationship, so that shows you do have some common sense.
OK...Here is what I think...get ready....
There is nothing wrong with having friendships with members of the opposite sex if that is what you truly are. There are limitations however, when one of those "friends" is married.
1. Ask your male friend to introduce you to his lovely wife who he hardly ever brings up. See his reaction. See if she even knows about you at all...how much the two of you text, talk on the phone, see one another. Ask your "friend" how come he told you before his own wife about the "good news about the house". This is not a normal friendship. It goes beyond that.
2. Ask your male friend why he feels the need to tickle your backside. I have had a ton of male friends and they have certainly not tickled my backside. I have, however, had quite a few boyfriends who have. That is not a normal friendship. Again, beyond that. The tossing paper balls is no big deal in my mind, other than being pretty juvenile for a man who is almost 40 years old.
3. Ask yourself why a 39 year old man would want to hang out so much with a 22 year old when he has a wife and kids. Ask yourself when you are married if you would be so very understanding --in your 30's or 40's--if you were to find out that your 40 year old husband is spending so much of his time with a woman almost 20 years younger than him.
4. Ask yourself why you--a 22 year old woman want to spend so much time with a man who is old enough to be your father. Are you looking for a father? Can't you find friends your own age? Boyfriends your own age? What does this man really offer you that others cannot offer you.
This is not a normal friendship. It goes beyond that. Wake up. There does not have to be sex to be cheating on someone. When this man is spending more time seeing, texting and calling you than he is his own wife and family, he is cheating everyone of them---and he is using you to accomplish this. He is not a very nice man. He lacks not only good sense but character as well. Do you really want to be a part of possibly breaking up a home? Obviously for you to come on here and post about it you are questioning the relationship, so that shows you do have some common sense.
OP:
Regarding the bolded part in pink...
Please use your common sense.
It will save you from causing many problems regarding your friendship with him.
Problems you may not realize at this time which very well could happen.
It's perfectly fine if you choose to be a mistress, or potentially be played as the young girl who gets used for one thing and it's not located between your ears. The other possibility is that he is keeping in practice while the family lives out of state. Find someone else away from work to socialize with, unless you don't care about creating a potentially career ending mistake....let's be honest if something happens the 22 year old will be easier to release....
I've started to become friends with a guy from work. I'm 22 years old, and he's 39 years old.
His wife and kids are in another state right now. He worked for the company before, but about a year ago he moved. Well, he has come back, and he's been trying to get another house here, so they can come back home.
We go out to lunch maybe once a week, if we have time to spare during the day. It's pleasant and a nice break during the work day.
He's said that he enjoys talking to me. He will let me know sometimes that I look nice , but never anything crude. Just being friendly.
He's playful and will toss paper balls at me, or when he's walking by me he'll tickle my back/sides. Or playfully scare me.
We text maybe a few times a week. Usually around 6pm-10/11pm
We talk on the phone after work a few times a week as well.
This past Friday we had off from work due to the 4th of July Holiday, but he called me Friday evening around 8pm, He asked if I was busy, did I have time to talk? He said that he has great news about the house and he wanted to tell me first. I congratulated him and he said the house needs some work and I offered to help. He said great, he could use the help. Then we talked for an hour or so.
He said he doesn't have any friends, well he does - but they're all rednecks who aren't any good, and he only has his family. And he misses them. He talks about his kids all the time. He never really talks about his wife, our last conversation was the first time he mentioned her but he said something like "You better not tell my wife that I wear collared shirts! She thinks I'm turning into a pretty boy." I said "I'm going to tell her!" "No! That's just going to give her more ammunition, she's already got ammo and fires off at me like a machine gun"
Something like that.
Anyway. I want to make sure that it's okay for us to be friends. I've got lots of friends but could always use more!
I've just never had one that's married and older before. I always hear how guys won't talk to a girl they don't want to sleep with. But I don't believe that. Plus he's married and loves his family. Two people can be "just be friends". At least I can.
I thought I'd check in with you guys and see what you think!
Lady you know exactly what your doing and that its totally inappropriate. You did nothing in your lengthy post but try to convince us all was innocent and you also know what hes up to. Lets face it your flattered and hope he takes the bait.
Lady you know exactly what your doing and that its totally inappropriate. You did nothing in your lengthy post but try to convince us all was innocent, and you also know what he is up to. Let's face it you are flattered, and you hope he takes the bait.
^^^^^ I agree
The OP wants to be a homewrecker just for the thrill of it when she supposedly has another guy of her own.
And somehow the other guy is completely OK with their friendship.
Why he is, I do not know.
Makes me wonder if he feels it is OK for her to cheat on him with a married man.
And her married male friend's wife has no idea exactly what is going on.
To be honest, she's 22 and not married. I don't necessarily believe that she is out to be a home wrecker or anything. Looking back, I probably had some inappropriate relationships with older men (not necessarily in their 40's but maybe 30's) when I was in my early 20's. Granted, my profession is completely different - theatre is far different from an office environment - but I can understand how these things can happen. And I can understand how you can't see things for what they are at 22 years old. A 22 year old doesn't necessarily have any concept of what a marriage is like - or what a family is like. It's very easy to just go along with something and not think about what it means to the other people involved.
To be honest, she's 22 and not married. I don't necessarily believe that she is out to be a home wrecker or anything. Looking back, I probably had some inappropriate relationships with older (not necessarily in their 40's but maybe 30's) when I was in my early 20's. Granted, my profession is completely different - theatre is far different from an office environment - but I can understand how these things can happen. And I can understand how you can't see things for what they are at 22 years old. A 22 year old doesn't necessarily have any concept of what a marriage is like - or what a family is like. It's very easy to just go along with something and not think about what it means to the other people involved.
Unfortunately this is what older men who want to have affairs bank on: the naive young woman who "thought they were just friends until it developed into so much more."
They get bragging rights to their buddies about how they bagged a hot young chick, and a whole bunch of people end up getting hurt.
This thread is closed. Personal attacks and off-topic comments have been deleted.
.
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