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If you knew or saw that your friend's boyfriend was cheating on her, would you tell her immediately or keep it secret to prevent the pain of your friend?
Well, you might risk losing your friend. The messenger gets shot a lot, ya know?
But if someone was cheating on me, I would want to know. And if I thought my friend could come away from it with an STD (highly likely)... I'd definitely feel obligated to tell. But only if I had definitive proof. Not if I just saw him talking to another woman.
I just can't see anyone dumping a friend because they knew about and told you your partner was cheating. Unless the friend was a party to the cheating. Or the friend had known for a long time and said nothing. Or the friend thought they know but they didn't.
The key here is how do you "know"? You had better know for a 100% fact and be able to substantiate it else you risk being blamed for trying to stir up sheet and creating a big issue between them when she confronts him and he denies it and convinces her you are mistaken.
This happened to one of my best friends. She knew that the boyfriend of one of her friends was cheating - so she told the boyfriend that either he could tell her friend or she would tell her friend herself. She gave him 2 weeks. He came clean so she didn't have to tell her.
This question is heart-wrenching... Do the right thing, or do the good thing?
It seem to be the right thing to tell your friend, but it may not be the best thing in terms of the good.
Whatever you decide, ask yourself what your friend would like you to do?
Some people will appreciate the truth, other would rather not know it, hoping that is just a temporary thing and will go away. Most do see warning signs and red flags when they look back at the relationship.
So, if you still decide to tell her, start with the least amount of information you need to give. Being loyal to her doesn't mean telling her everything you know, it means telling her enough so that she can try it on and make her best decisions.
Tell her with a little bit of doubt, allowing her to save face if she chooses denial for a little longer. In other words, plant a seed and step back.
She might decide to stay in the relationship even after an affair. In that case make sure to tell her that it's okay if she stays or wants to try to work it out, and that you can still understand what she loves about him. Stay neutral, and do not devalue him or feed her anger.
Whatever her reaction might be, show her how much you love her and support her. Be a loyal friend.
Loyalty means protecting her from this news for now if you feel that's the best option. Loyalty can also mean helping her face her feelings, no matter how reactionary they are...
I would devise a plan to let my friend see her boyfriend cheating first hand without telling her. That way, she can get angry with him, instead of getting at me for saying that her guy is cheating (just in case).
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