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I had a similar scenario years ago; awesome guy, always had a great time together, and on paper we should have been a good match... but there was just no chemistry on my end. He was really hurt and offended, but I wasn't willing to cross that line and meddle with the emotions of someone I knew I wasn't attracted to. But, time was a healer and 20 years later we are still good friends.
Given that he implied that he's hanging around in case you change your mind, this isn't exactly a real friendship. I'm not AT ALL saying that just because he admitted his feelings for you and you didn't return them, there's no chance of a friendship. I have a very good friend who used to have feelings for me that I did not return. He met the woman who is now his wife shortly after, and a few years ago he basically thanked me for having the good sense to know that we weren't a good fit.
And for myself, once I know someone doesn't have feelings for me, my own basically evaporate instantaneously. If it's not there, it's not there.
But if this guy's premise is that he's going to be your friend in case you change your mind, well, that's almost a conflict of interest.
I'd just say you can't maintain the friendship if he's thinking there's going to be a change of mind on your part.
If you two are genuinely friends, and not just buddies, acquaintances, etc., then why would you end the friendship? The poor guy worked up the courage to declare his feelings and you already had to let him down on that. Now he's losing the friendship over it?
Whether you meet someone down the road is irrelevant - this guy may or may not still be interested in you by then. As for knowing absolutely you will never want to be with him, well, as they say "never say never."
It's your call, but IMO you're being terribly unfair.
If you two are genuinely friends, and not just buddies, acquaintances, etc., then why would you end the friendship? The poor guy worked up the courage to declare his feelings and you already had to let him down on that. Now he's losing the friendship over it?
Whether you meet someone down the road is irrelevant - this guy may or may not still be interested in you by then. As for knowing absolutely you will never want to be with him, well, as they say "never say never."
It's your call, but IMO you're being terribly unfair.
Unfortunately, but that's how it is. At least for me.
How can I be 100% comfortable around a man who I know is probably undressing me in his mind? It's beyond my comfort zone knowing that in the back of his mind he's waiting for a chance to get physical.
Thanks for replies everyone.
Unfortunately, this is not the first male friend that I've lost because they develop feelings for me. I keep on hoping that opposite sex friendship is possible but so far trial and error has proven otherwise. Sign.
Tell him exactly what you said in you last post.
That you cannot be comfortable being friends with someone you know has romantic feelings for you and you need to take yourself out of the friendship for your own reasonings.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick
If you two are genuinely friends, and not just buddies, acquaintances, etc., then why would you end the friendship? The poor guy worked up the courage to declare his feelings and you already had to let him down on that. Now he's losing the friendship over it?
Whether you meet someone down the road is irrelevant - this guy may or may not still be interested in you by then. As for knowing absolutely you will never want to be with him, well, as they say "never say never."
It's your call, but IMO you're being terribly unfair.
The guy made it KNOWN he was only remaining friends with her in hopes of her changing her mind. No healthy friendship can operate with that over her head. Better she cut bait now.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tune_It_Lower
It probably matters to him, and she should respect that too. I believe empathy and communication is an important part of all human interactions.
I think you can be empathetic and avoid someone who has ulterior motives for befriending you.
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