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Me: Lets meet up soon so we can find out for sure if we are, or not. How's your schedule the next few days?
Her: How old are you? Busy schedule this weekend.
Me: I'm 34, How about you
Her: 33. Tell me more about yourself. What do you like to do for fun? What's your living situation?
Me: I live on my own in ________. Lets discuss this more in person rather than by text. Are you around after work next week to meet up? Nothing too long, just for an hour maybe? How about a round of mini golf at __________.
Her: Let me get back to you. My schedule is all up in the air with school starting (she is a school teacher). And I would like to get to know you before meeting you. I found the whole experience with speed dating weird, so I am leery.
Me: Ok……..well the reason to meet in the first place is to get to know you.
Her: Maybe Starbucks??
Me: I think at this point its best that I just move on, because we don't really seem to be on the same page from the start.
Her: Sorry. Things are busy with school starting.
(At this point, I didn't respond to her anymore and just walked away)
I hate to come across as condescending, rude, or disrespectful, but I just can NOT waste my time with someone who beats around the bush like this.
From the jump, I took the control of the situation (as any guy should do) and proposed a first date, that was low pressure, easy going, and in a very safe and public place, and she kept giving me reasons why she didn't want to.
I'm just perplexed as to WHY someone would waste $30 and 2 hours of their time, and then make lame statements that they want to get to know someone before meeting up…….
That whole premise is faulty as meeting up is how you get to know somebody, isn't it!!
Oh well, I have no regrets walking away as I did, and wouldn't hesitate to again, its just that I hate people (not just women, guys too) who waste not just my time, but their own time.
I applaud you, you did exactly what I would've done.
The fact is women are used to being coddled by eager, desperate, I'm-just-happy-she-texted-me-back-type guys and a man who stands firm (without having to resort to being an ass) is new and shiny to some of them. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if she messaged you back after waiting the appropriate time and realizing you're not going to chase her.
Women usually have some idea pretty quickly if they'd consider a guy for anything romantic or not. We have zero idea how it will work out in the long run, or after the first encounter(s)...but we know immediately if we'd say yes or no to sex (at the time of our choosing.) So if she knew you were a "definitely no" then she'd be all weird and flaky like that. She might be asking herself if she should give you more of a chance, because we can also be somewhat indecisive.
But really you're probably right to just give up on her, because she probably wasn't into you enough to bother with.
Just because a woman goes to a thing to meet guys, doesn't mean we think that every guy we meet is potential for more. And if our minds, tastes, or instincts give us the "nope!" most of the time it's the final answer. But most women aren't straightforward enough to just say so. Because we imagine (often rightly so) that the guy will then get defensive and start grilling us on why we rejected him. Sometimes we're just not feelin' it. Doesn't mean you're defective or need to try harder to convince her. But guys often do. Really in those cases, there is nothing you can do to change the situation. It is what it is.
EDIT: I have found that a woman may know immediately that she isn't into a dude like that, and reject him initially. A guy on the other hand will have sex with a woman, if he can, and THEN reject her, often giving no reason for having done so. Which is worse? *shrug*
yep, you did the right thing and all of your texts were great - not rude at all. You took control and she was just a passive piece of shyte.
I didn't know Connecticut is just as bad as LA - but the dating scene here is just as flakey, half a$$ed and undecided and just doesn't make sense.
Just sucks for singles who are seriously looking.
Thanks man!
I must say though, that geographic location has much less to do with this type of behavior than some might think. Just seems you have all types of people no matter where in the country, or world, you are.
But to be fair to her, she did come out and say she wasn't interested with the "good fit comment." You pushed to meet, so she wanted to get to know more about you before a meeting, or to decide if she even wanted to go through with the meet. I don't think she did anything wrong, other than operating differently than you when it came to meet-ups.
Because to add, it seemed she wanted to get more of a read through text or phone 1st, but you didn't want to do that.
Last edited by HappyRain; 08-20-2015 at 05:58 PM..
I read it like she wanted more info about you by text before the meet and she said so, but you brushed this aside saying you'd rather talk in person. You wanted things to go your way. So you didn't "hear" her.
But to be fair to her, sh did come out and say she wasn't interested with the "good fit comment." So, just an "Ok, that;s fine" would've have saved the entire exchange.
Yea I agree, you seemed a bit pushy. I think maybe she wanted to have more of a phone conversation with you to get to know more about you before seeing you again. Maybe you two just two different dating styles, nothing wrong with that....different strokes for different folks!
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