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What's up CD. I found out some saddening news yesterday that adds to my long list of demoralizing Ls.
Due to the fact that I'm blind in one eye and I failed a visual field test, I'll never be able to legally drive. This has honestly crushed me. I'm 17 years old, and I was getting ready to go to college in the state of Florida (where I'm from) Due to Florida having notoriously crappy public transportation I have to attend college in a city with good public transportation i.e. New York, Chicago etc. I'll never know the feeling of driving my kids around, picking them up from school, taking them on trips, buying groceries, etc.
Another thing that popped into my mind was dating and being married. What woman is going to date a man that can't drive? It would be embarrassing getting picked up for dates or, if I do get married, having my wife drive me around everywhere? And if I do get married, it would be easier for my wife to cheat on me seeing as how she'd be the only one with a car.
The only pluses I've taken away from this is that I'll never have to pay for gas and insurance, but even then I'll have to pay for bus passes and Metrocards.
This may be horrible advice but you are 17 and you only failed the test in florida. You may very well pass it elsewhere and be able to legally drive. Obviously don't do this if your putting others at risk, but this test alone is not a lifetime block on your ability to ever drive
There are many schools outside of large metro areas that have good public transportation...you are limiting yourself for no reason...it just takes some research.
There are plenty of people that don't drive....you have to think ahead....but it's do-able. And why would you be embarrassed to be picked up for a date? My daughter often drives for dates...one guy didn't have a US drivers licence...and another guy had one...but didn't like to drive....it wasn't a big deal. It's only a big deal if you make it one.
I agree with those who said try an area with better public transportation. If you were in Philly or Boston or NYC you would be one of thousands who don't have cars because insurance in cities is thousands and parking a car monthly is almost as much as you'd pay for an apartment. Once someone likes you, they are not going to break up with you because you have a disability. Look at the girl surfer Bethany I forget her last name who lost her entire arm up to the shoulder to a shark..she got married a few years ago to a man she met AFTER she lost the arm.
It is all about how YOU look at it. If you act ashamed and humbled, girls will pick up on that and not be attracted to you..then you'll say "see, I knew it!" but you will have created it yourself with your negative thoughts ahead of time.
Your most important job right now is come to terms with it and make peace with it. Because until you fully accept it and love yourself despite it you cannot expect anyone else to.
I'll echo what the others said. Live somewhere with good transit. Driving is not required, having independent mobility is. Obviously to survive in life you are going to have to figure out how to get places. Go somewhere where there are multiple ways to get the stuff you need done without a car: walking, transit, biking, whatever.
It is only a problem if you can't get to places on your own, no one wants to be a perm-chaffeur. And you don't have to be a driver in any places. I have a care/license and I rarely drive. I take transit and ride my bike because I don't like traffic or paying for parking. I like people who have a similar worldview. Driving is not the most convenient way to go in many cases, and advice for getting better transportation options in my city so a car isn't required for everything.
If you live in NYC, no one will think twice about you not driving. I lived in NYC for 12 years and never had a car. None of my friends had cars either.
As for dating, someone who loves you for who you are isn't going to care that you can't drive. My dad had a hereditary hearing loss that progressively got worse and worse. My parents were happily married for over 30 years.
One of my friends has a legally blind son who not only WORKS A FULL TIME JOB, he also just got engaged.
I was dating Sketchy Guy, who no longer had his licence nor could be bothered to renew.
Painful but not exactly a personality flaw.
One of my other friends is dating one of the best drummers in the country, who so doesn't drive - getting his kit about is a constant nightmare, she even downsized cars so he could no longer ask her to drive him about haha - yet she STILL loves him.
So no, its no more a barrier than say, having hearing loss in one ear or 3 nipples, once you get a bit older.
I can imagine its a blow for a very young guy like yourself however and I feel for you.
Hang in there son we ALL have something wed like to change but have to accept.
People who are legally blind in one eye can still obtain driver's licenses in Montana. Some people with two good eyes shouldn't, but that is another issue.
As far as dating, the more self reliant you are--the more attractive. Lots of young people don't have their own transportation the first year of college. Do not stress on it. Someone will like you for you, not because you drive or not.
As someone who is legally blind, I agree with those who say to live in a place where you can be self-reliant.
But, you probably won't have to worry about this until after college. Most colleges are set up so you don't need a car. Some of the most pedestrian-friendly small towns are college towns. So, go to the right school for you, or your desired profession, and worry about self-reliance after graduation. There are lots of threads about most walk-able cities in the General US forum.
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