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I've heard a lot of people say over the years that if someone falls out of love with their partner then they never were in love with them in the first place. A few questions I have to ask in regards to this claim:
1. Is there any truth to that?
2. Can you truly fall out of love with someone, but have been in love with them at one point?
3. Why would a person doubt the sincerity of a person being in love with their partner once they have fallen out of love with them?
Falling in love (my opinion from my experience) is that time when you first meet someone and everything is just new and things are good and you just get that giddy warm and fuzzy feeling. Once in the relationship over a period of time you learn that person and you may or may not feel so "in love" with them. I do think that you can stay in love with one person even if you aren't able to be with them. Also, a friendship that gets a spark and it grows and grows over the years is a love that lasts, not so much falling for someone in the beginning.
IMO, everyone is different. Yes, it IS possible to have been in love once, and then NOT be in love with that person anymore. And THAT can be a God send.
BUT there ARE people who never find a way to move on from a past love. Sometimes they don't really WANT to move on. Say like, a widowed woman who's just not interested in finding a new partner. She is content in her memories of her past love. And that's perfectly fine and dandy.
Also, you can 'fall in love all over again' with a long term partner. I remember one time just this past summer, I was talking with my husband, and we were 'playing' and teasing each other...and it turned into flirting, and I got those gooshy feelings for my husband...I was crushing on the guy. LOL
Love changes, for sure. It's certainly a flexible emotion. lol
I thought I loved my ex, who was my partner for more than seven years. When I found out he cheated on me and betrayed me, I realized I did not love him. I loved who I thought he was, but I could never love a scumbag liar like he revealed himself to me.
Well, that is certainly easier than considering the possibility that you loved someone who was capable of causing harm that way.
It is also easier than understanding that cheating is a symptom of a larger problem in a relationship, a relationship that you were half of and an active part in for seven years. While it was his choice to cheat and he is responsible for the actual actions of cheating, people in healthy, happy relationships where there is good communication and both partners feel their emotional and/or physical needs are largely met, don't cheat.
With the possible exception of the love a parent may have for a child, or the exception of people with deep dysfunction and low self-esteem who continue to love those who abuse them, all love is conditional. Just because Person A breaks the conditions of Person B's love somehow, such as harming or betraying Person B, and Person B then no longer loves Person A, that does not necessarily mean that Person B never loved Person A in the first place. Believing otherwise assumes that it is not possible to love someone who is capable of doing something bad. It denies the universal truth that we are ALL capable of doing something bad.
I've heard a lot of people say over the years that if someone falls out of love with their partner then they never were in love with them in the first place. A few questions I have to ask in regards to this claim:
1. Is there any truth to that?
2. Can you truly fall out of love with someone, but have been in love with them at one point?
3. Why would a person doubt the sincerity of a person being in love with their partner once they have fallen out of love with them?
I do not think that is true. I have truly and sincerely loved men and over time I fell out of love. Wouldn't I still be in love with them if I would not have fallen out of love?
Well, that is certainly easier than considering the possibility that you loved someone who was capable of causing harm that way.
It is also easier than understanding that cheating is a symptom of a larger problem in a relationship, a relationship that you were half of and an active part in for seven years. While it was his choice to cheat and he is responsible for the actual actions of cheating, people in healthy, happy relationships where there is good communication and both partners feel their emotional and/or physical needs are largely met, don't cheat.
With the possible exception of the love a parent may have for a child, or the exception of people with deep dysfunction and low self-esteem who continue to love those who abuse them, all love is conditional. Just because Person A breaks the conditions of Person B's love somehow, such as harming or betraying Person B, and Person B then no longer loves Person A, that does not necessarily mean that Person B never loved Person A in the first place. Believing otherwise assumes that it is not possible to love someone who is capable of doing something bad. It denies the universal truth that we are ALL capable of doing something bad.
I don't believe this is true. I believe it's wise to consider my part in any relationship or partnership that goes south in order to possibly learn something or maybe to just feel less like a victim. But as a matter of objective fact, sometimes we're victims.
Some people are a$$holes. Sometimes we should be able to see that if our eyes are open and so maybe our part in a bad relationship is getting into the relationship at all, but sometimes people aren't a$$holes until they are, until the conditions are right. And the conditions may be a round number birthday, a flagging libido, or an opportunity that heretofore never presented itself. Nothing we control or much influence.
Sometimes bad **** happens to people who really have no culpability.
I don't believe this is true. I believe it's wise to consider my part in any relationship or partnership that goes south in order to possibly learn something or maybe to just feel less like a victim.
Many people are not that objective or mature about it, however. Those who can be are more likely to say that there were signs of infidelity that they chose not to see, for any number of reasons ranging from not wanting to break up a family to the terrible pain of betrayal.
Regardless, for someone to spend seven years in a relationship and then say they never loved the other person because the other person cheated on them seems like a good bit of denial.
The English word love is applied to various relationships. Some examples are romantic love, parental love, brotherly love, etc. The Romans are just one culture that, more accurately, had separate words for each of these. It's an important point, because it's too easy for us to conflate these different types of love. Parental love is typically unconditional, whereas romantic love is quite conditional.
Romantic love is a compound emotion based heavily on trust and respect. Lose the trust and respect, and the romantic love will go with it.
When people say that falling out of love means you never really loved the person, it makes me wonder what they think love is. It sounds to me like they're trying to impose self-serving claims on romantic love.
I've heard a lot of people say over the years that if someone falls out of love with their partner then they never were in love with them in the first place. A few questions I have to ask in regards to this claim:
1. Is there any truth to that?
2. Can you truly fall out of love with someone, but have been in love with them at one point?
3. Why would a person doubt the sincerity of a person being in love with their partner once they have fallen out of love with them?
I think love means means many things to many people, and also many things to the same person at different points in their life. Yes, feelings, even love, can change.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CinnaBunney
I've heard a lot of people say over the years that if someone falls out of love with their partner then they never were in love with them in the first place. A few questions I have to ask in regards to this claim:
1. Is there any truth to that?
2. Can you truly fall out of love with someone, but have been in love with them at one point?
3. Why would a person doubt the sincerity of a person being in love with their partner once they have fallen out of love with them?
Ppl change. Point of view can change when you become aware of new information like with cheating or abuse. IMO love is conditional in romantic relationships. I couldn’t continue to love a man who abused or cheated on me or treated me badly. AND sometimes ppl or relationships move too fast. It’s not really important if you loved the person at one time or not…or just thought you did. The important thing IMO is not to stay in a toxic or unhappy relationship.
edit: As long as both ppl are emotionally healthy & happy in the relationship tho, they have to make the effort so that they stay happy & in love^^. Lots of communication, shared memories & activities..AND intimacy/sex ofc.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 11-17-2021 at 08:51 AM..
I'd say for love to last it has to be reciprocal. If you love someone and find out they don't love you, then you have to fall out of love eventually if you have any common sense. If someone loves you but you don't really love them then you will abandon them or cheat on them in time. The bond of love only works if both people have it.
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