Do you think I can get my girlfriend back? Please help? Devastated and depressed (date, boyfriends)
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I don't think she is seeing someone else, but I do think she wants to be single for now. She wants to start her adult life on her own not as part of a couple. I think you should respect her feelings, and no I too do not think they will change. Women do not break up lightly...it was out of the blue for you but I guarantee it was not for her, she has been thinking about it for some time.
I'm sorry about your breakup. I think you should consider that if you really love her, your goal should be not to "get her back" but to do whatever you can to ensure her happiness. Right now, that means respecting her wishes for independence and space from you. Your plan to "get her back" shows that you are more concerned about being together than you are about her happiness and well-being. Your goal is completely self-serving. Just something to think about. Good luck.
First of all, as lame as it sounds, let me say it: aweeeee. It sounds like you really love this girl and that's a beautiful thing.
I think you are doing everything right so far - not appearing desperate, but also trying ago before you let her go.
In most cases women don't make a decision to end it out of the blue: the thought usually brews in their mind for a while before they make the actual step. Maybe there is something in your relationship that she didn't like but she compromised for a while, and eventually reached the last drop. When you reconnect with her, if she shows any signs of thinking about getting back with you, it's worth to bring up this conversation and ask if there is any aspect of your relationship that she didn't like but accepted for a while. As an example, I have been progressively unhappy with the lack of attention and connection I was getting from my husband but kinda sucked it up, telling myself no relationship is perfect and I should settle for it. In the meantime he thought our marriage was perfect, and when I told him i was considering divorce he reacted like someone punched him in the face. Women can hide their un-satisfactions for a long time if they are not given the opportunity to voice them.
The possibility that she made that decision due to being hyper-hormonal/emotional is valid, as well. MAybe some women are more rational and have better self-control, but I for one am more sensitive, and can act impulsively and over-react when I PMS; it's possible.
And sometimes life's just a b*tch and people who we love don't love us back. There is not a lot you can do about that other than play all your best cards (which you seem to be doing) and wait and see. Heart breaks will happen, and that's just a normal human experience, then you get over them. Good luck let us know how things evolve!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lostandhurt
Sorry if this is a long post but I can't get a good answer without explaining the situation.
I'll start this off with some background. I just graduated college with my (now ex) girlfriend. In my mind we were perfect together and I did and still do love her more than anything I ever have. We were the same major, had the same interests, and really connected. We were together for 2 years and rarely fought or had major disagreements and had a very healthy relationship. I was constructing my whole life so that we could be together and have a future. I literally thought this girl was the one.
Just over three weeks ago she broke up with me out of the blue. She said that she still loved me which made it harder for both of us. She just said that she had focused on me and school for so long that she lost her own independence and needed to figure out what she really liked to do that would make her the happiest she could be. Or something along those lines, the reasons were confusing but she did say that she still loved me but we just need space for now. Her friends moved away and I was pretty much who she had here which makes it more confusing.
I took the breakup badly and still am depressed. I was supposed to live with her temporarily while I found a new house to live in and to make things worse I dislocated my knee 2 days after and couldn't walk and had to stay in a hotel alone. Now I just moved into a new house with some friends and we are five blocks away so it would have been perfect.
None of us ever cheated if that helps too. I think that she was confused during her transition to the real world and ended it because of that.
Here's what I've done so far with the hopes of getting her back.
-I've given her a lot of space. I cut all communications for three weeks and than sent one warm text hoping she was doing well and that I'm living close to her so we might accidentally bump into each other once and a while and hope that we can be amicable. She responded pretty quickly and said told me that she would see me around and hoped I was doing well etc...
-I'm on the verge of getting a career job where we live. When that happens (hopefully in 2-3 weeks) I'm going to reach out again and ask to go to lunch or something. Nothing serious, just casual and not talk about relationship or anything like that.
-If she agrees to that I'll do it again maybe a week or so after and make that a reoccurring thing. Than I'll ask her out. Hopefully by than she will have sorted herself out and will want me back.
I'm prepared to move on after I try these things, and I'll never get her back if I don't at least try. My mom did the same thing to my dad, she up and left for a different state and look at them now...married for decades.
Sorry if this is a long post but I can't get a good answer without explaining the situation.
I'll start this off with some background. I just graduated college with my (now ex) girlfriend. In my mind we were perfect together and I did and still do love her more than anything I ever have. We were the same major, had the same interests, and really connected. We were together for 2 years and rarely fought or had major disagreements and had a very healthy relationship. I was constructing my whole life so that we could be together and have a future. I literally thought this girl was the one.
Just over three weeks ago she broke up with me out of the blue. She said that she still loved me which made it harder for both of us. She just said that she had focused on me and school for so long that she lost her own independence and needed to figure out what she really liked to do that would make her the happiest she could be. Or something along those lines, the reasons were confusing but she did say that she still loved me but we just need space for now. Her friends moved away and I was pretty much who she had here which makes it more confusing.
I took the breakup badly and still am depressed. I was supposed to live with her temporarily while I found a new house to live in and to make things worse I dislocated my knee 2 days after and couldn't walk and had to stay in a hotel alone. Now I just moved into a new house with some friends and we are five blocks away so it would have been perfect.
None of us ever cheated if that helps too. I think that she was confused during her transition to the real world and ended it because of that.
Here's what I've done so far with the hopes of getting her back.
-I've given her a lot of space. I cut all communications for three weeks and than sent one warm text hoping she was doing well and that I'm living close to her so we might accidentally bump into each other once and a while and hope that we can be amicable. She responded pretty quickly and said told me that she would see me around and hoped I was doing well etc...
-I'm on the verge of getting a career job where we live. When that happens (hopefully in 2-3 weeks) I'm going to reach out again and ask to go to lunch or something. Nothing serious, just casual and not talk about relationship or anything like that.
-If she agrees to that I'll do it again maybe a week or so after and make that a reoccurring thing. Than I'll ask her out. Hopefully by than she will have sorted herself out and will want me back.
I'm prepared to move on after I try these things, and I'll never get her back if I don't at least try. My mom did the same thing to my dad, she up and left for a different state and look at them now...married for decades.
Unfortunately this is the issue that people go thru, then they've been broken up with. Sadly, its not all about you. Its not all about your feelings. Its about both of you. She told you above how she feels, in the kindest way she could. You are not listening. If she wanted to be with you, she wouldnt have broken up. It didnt come out of the blue, you probably didnt see or ignored the signs.
Leave her alone. If she is interested in getting back with you, she knows how to contact you. You've parted amicably, dont ruin that.
I don't think she is seeing someone else, but I do think she wants to be single for now. She wants to start her adult life on her own not as part of a couple. I think you should respect her feelings, and no I too do not think they will change. Women do not break up lightly...it was out of the blue for you but I guarantee it was not for her, she has been thinking about it for some time.
Your right, it wasn't out of the blue even if I try and deny it. I could tell that something was up for about 3-4 weeks before. We were still hanging out just as much but I felt like I was the only one putting in effort. I didn't know what was up so I tried even harder. She broke up with me 2 days after her birthday and of course I spent 200$ on a pair of shoes for her (wasted money I guess) and painted her a picture.
I can understand if she thought she needed space I guess. We would sleep together every night and she worked 9-5 and I was usually over there by 6-7.
She was honest enough to tell me that she made her decision 3-4 weeks before. I also even asked her when we were breaking up if there was someone else and in the most truthful way possible she said no and that she just didn't want a relationship at that time. She was never able to lie to me, and just wasn't that kind of person.
Yes I'm going to let it go after I try to get her back. If it doesn't work than I'm moving on. But let me make this clear- she did not cheat on me. Every relationship doesn't end because there was another person. And assuming that is the case really insults me
Huh?
I never said anything about her cheating on you.
I dunno.
Kinda insulting you'd insist on trying to "win her back" if she told you she was done.
Kinda insulting you'd insist on trying to "win her back" if she told you she was done.
Sorry that was directed at the other people who said that and someone who left a rep comment claiming that, I messed the quote up though.
And your right, it's just that I can't not try just once. I know that people's mind can change after time. Both my cousin + her husband and my mom + dad broke up because the girl needed "space". Look at them now...happily married. It can happen, sometimes time is needed though.
Chances are, she won't come back unless she sees you completely happy with another woman and then she'll realize...Hey, that use to be me, I want him back now..... or she moves on and realize the grass is not any greener with other people. People are just weird that way.
She already said no and gave you a typical bull**** "It's me not you" answer about the cause of the breakup. Believe me, it's you, not her and, unless she tells the truth and you can (do you even want to?) quickly re-invent yourself to meet her preferences, you're chances of rekindling the old flame are close enough to zero to be zero.
the fullfillment of your needs must be elsewhere or else you will be utterly dependent upon the GF for life.
the essence of a drug pusher - addict relationship that is always abusive and unjust.
art and music and physical exercise are superior fillers for the hole that is in many of us. human relationship aka hookup is at the bottom of the list way below pets and plants. relationship addictions are right down there with drugs and booze.
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let us know how things evolve!
so it would have been perfect.
