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I heard this "help desk" call on the radio. (Those in the D/FW area may recall hearing it yesterday morning on 102.9 FM.) I don't remember the names, so I'll just make them up for simplicity. "Mary" called the show to ask the co-hosts and listeners for advice on her dilemma. She set up 2 of her friends, "Adam" and "Eve". Those 2 hit it off and eventually got engaged. Some time later, but shortly before the wedding, Adam called Mary to ask her for advice.
It turns out that while Adam loves Eve, he's very concerned that she's put on a lot of weight recently. In fact, he's so troubled by this that he's thinking of calling off the wedding. He asked Mary for advice, but asked her to not tell Eve. Mary is put in a bind since she can wind up losing 2 friends and possibly ruining a marriage (in her opinion). What would you do if you were Mary?
Most females who called the radio said Adam is superficial for letting Eve's weight gain be an obstacle to their marriage. I'm siding with Adam, not because it's a "guy rule", but because Eve has clearly demonstrated she can't take care of herself, so how could she take care of a marriage? What do you think?
One thing we can all agree on is that it totally sucks for Mary, the original matchmaker.
Adam should start doing some things with Eve like swimming, going for walks.... The eat more at home. As a female I can tell him SOMETIMES a female when happy will gain weight. Of course Adam is perfect, right???
As a female, I am not at all offended that Adam is worried about Eve's weight gain. I would try to figure out why she is gaining weight. Twice, I have gained weight in the early stages of a relationship because we were going out to eat so often and I love buttered bread! Late night eating was also an issue. Yes, a good idea about Adam and Eve doing some healthy physical activities would be in order. And I am wondering if they are getting married too soon after meeting.
Her weight gain is an issue with Adam...and I think that should be taken seriously! It probably is even a bigger issue with Eve! But, for Adam to share that secretly with Mary makes me suspicious that Adam is having real 2nd thoughts about getting married to Eve, and apparently, not because of the weight gain. You know and I know if he truly loved Eve, it wouldn't matter....but, he's bringing this up now....and secretly....that, to me means, "I've changed my mind" and "how do I get out of this without looking like a jerk"! Little does Adam know, it's too late....he looks like a jerk!
I can understand where he is coming from. But he should have the cahunas to talk to Eve not Mary about it. Of course, there is a 2 week window he need to do it to avoid getting shot and definitely a way to go about it. He should not go into the marriage with negativity. Too many fail as it is.
Oh, and if I were Mary, I would tell Adam that is too sensitive a matter for you to discuss with me....you should discuss it with Eve!
But we all know what a minefield it is to talk to a woman about her weight! Like the classic... honey do I look fat in this dress?
Maybe what Adam was hoping for was that Eve was aware and concerned about her weight gain and had already talked about it to Mary. And what he was really hoping to hear from Mary was that Eve was stressed out from the wedding planning and was planning to work on losing the extra weight after the ceremony and honeymoon.
I'm not sure how much time elapsed from when Mary hooked up Adam and Eve with each other to the point where Mary called the radio for help. Let's say it was long enough (1+ years) for the sake of the argument.
I agree that Eve's weight gain might be the "straw that broke the camel's back" for Adam's cold feet. He might have been looking for an out. Or maybe, he thought, "Heck, if she put on all this weight before the wedding, when women usually get in shape to look great for the pictures and videos, how will she look after we have kids? "
It's a shame that Mary is put in this predicament. One caller suggested that Mary can buy Adam and Eve a gym membership as the wedding gift (and let Adam in on the secret). But if Eve's weight gain is a problem of something more serious, then the gym membership won't help her much (and thus wouldn't help Adam).
Usually, the radio co-hosts and callers will be able to give unified advice in the end for those who call the "help desk". But in this case, everyone offered various ideas, but none of them were probably what Mary was hoping for.
If I were Adam, I know I'd have to tread very carefully with Eve if I were to discuss her weight. Then again, if Eve was not comfortable to discuss her weight with me, then I probably wouldn't want to marry her. (I wonder if that made me sound shallow.)
If I were Adam, I know I'd have to tread very carefully with Eve if I were to discuss her weight. Then again, if Eve was not comfortable to discuss her weight with me, then I probably wouldn't want to marry her. (I wonder if that made me sound shallow.)
Weight is a touchy subject period. With my boyfriend or other overweight friends, I am always tactful about discussing their weight and what to do about it. It's a bit like dealing with an alcoholic, they can't be helped until they recognize the problem and want to help themselves make the situation better. And with a heavy person, it's worse because it ties into their self esteem. You said one wrong thing about their weight and they remember it forever. Plus they need figure out why they are overweight and not make the mistake of getting into a cycle of crash dieting and then gaining it back.
Forget about Eve "not being able to take care of herself, so forget about the marriage". If HE'S not able to deal with this without going to a mutual friend, he's no prize package himself.
What happens if, during the marriage, something infinitely more important comes up? Would he go and vent to a mutual friend? If I were Eve, this is what I would look at.
This, frankly, is none of Mary's business. If Adam can't see that, he's not a keeper. If he felt the need to ask the advice of others, he could have gone about it in a much better way, and not get a mutual friend involved in it. After all, it's none of their business anyway.
I hope that Eve finds out about this conversation, and is able to make the choice for herself about the type of "man" she is going to marry. If, after hearing it, she still marries him, that's her choice. But, she should at least be given the chance to make it.
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Like the classic... honey do I look fat in this dress? 
