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My boyfriend and I are going on 6 months of officially being bf and gf, although we started going out about 9 months ago. The process has been slow, primarily because he’s slow to trust after getting hurt by his last girlfriend, but our relationship has definitely been progressing. He has become more emotionally intimate with me (he used to not cuddle after sex, and now he does), much more open, and much more comfortable around me. We used to see each other only on the weekend and used to only communicate every other day in between dates, but after I let him know that I needed daily communication and would like to see more of him, he started communicating with me daily. We also now see each other 4 days in a week (we both have busy schedules, with side gigs on top of our day jobs, so this is the most doable). He said he wants us to work, so if more communication and more frequent dates will make me happy, then he’s happy to do it. And the biggest step he has made so far is that just last weekend, he introduced me to his parents. He was hesitant to do this a couple of months ago. But last weekend, he took me to his parents’ place and also introduced me to his uncles and aunts. His parents invited me to spend Christmas with their family.
What I still have an issue with, though, is that he has yet to say the words, “I love you.” I know I shouldn’t harp on it, and I really try not to, but I admit that after 6 months (9 months if you count the time we weren’t official yet), I wonder why he still can’t say the words. He has mentioned “love” a couple of times. He often teases me, and he told me that teasing is how he shows love, giving as an example how he teases his little sister, whom he “loves to death.” And one time he joked about “the power of love” in reference to our relationship. But he has yet to come out and say the three words.
Is this something that could be cause for concern? Or given how slow his progress has been in opening up, should I not expect it yet at this point?
My boyfriend and I are going on 6 months of officially being bf and gf, although we started going out about 9 months ago. The process has been slow, primarily because he’s slow to trust after getting hurt by his last girlfriend, but our relationship has definitely been progressing. He has become more emotionally intimate with me (he used to not cuddle after sex, and now he does), much more open, and much more comfortable around me. We used to see each other only on the weekend and used to only communicate every other day in between dates, but after I let him know that I needed daily communication and would like to see more of him, he started communicating with me daily. We also now see each other 4 days in a week (we both have busy schedules, with side gigs on top of our day jobs, so this is the most doable). He said he wants us to work, so if more communication and more frequent dates will make me happy, then he’s happy to do it. And the biggest step he has made so far is that just last weekend, he introduced me to his parents. He was hesitant to do this a couple of months ago. But last weekend, he took me to his parents’ place and also introduced me to his uncles and aunts. His parents invited me to spend Christmas with their family.
What I still have an issue with, though, is that he has yet to say the words, “I love you.” I know I shouldn’t harp on it, and I really try not to, but I admit that after 6 months (9 months if you count the time we weren’t official yet), I wonder why he still can’t say the words. He has mentioned “love” a couple of times. He often teases me, and he told me that teasing is how he shows love, giving as an example how he teases his little sister, whom he “loves to death.” And one time he joked about “the power of love” in reference to our relationship. But he has yet to come out and say the three words.
Is this something that could be cause for concern? Or given how slow his progress has been in opening up, should I not expect it yet at this point?
If everything else is fine and you FEEL loved, I wouldn't worry about it. I would more worry about a guy who says it too early on, doesn't show it and doesn't introduce you to his family.
It is countered by kind words of affection. He is very affectionate towards me and is often sweet in words and gesture. Just no "I love you."
As I and others have asked - have you told him you love him? If not, why does he have to be the first to say it? And I don't agree that 6-9 months is necessarily a long enough time for him to say the "L" word. If he's been hurt before, it would be very scary for him.
Then he does not love you.
Or, he does not know he does.
Or, he does not know what love is.
Please, do not feel offended with what I'll say next. But I come from politically incorrect country and don't really have politically correct language in me.
So you gave a guy what he wants - and now, 6 months down the road, you wonder why he didn't say "I love you"?
People have different ways of expressing their love. As you said he might just be scared of being hurt again so he is a bit more measured and trying not to get carried away. Actions speak louder than words! His actions certainly seem very loving so maybe give him a bit more time.
Talks cheap. Theres people in highly abusive relationships who's husband tells them all the time that they love them. So what?
How he treats you is far more important than saying "I love you". He may not say the words, but it sounds like he is saying it in other "words". You just have to listen.
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