A La Trois Dilemma (boyfriend, woman, sex, friend)
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Now my boyfriend has been talking about having an a la trois for a while here and there. So this week we get into it and he's like would i mind? At first he asked if i would mind if someone watched us or if we watched etc. So i was like i don't know .... i have had thoughts of being with a female but not seriously. So the next day he says a friend calls him up and she's always been open to joining in though he's never gone that route before. So the topic did come up and she's open and yes she does have a male friend who can join in. He says that the man is NOT to get comfy with him but he wouldn't mind not having him in the picture and he doesn't know how he would react to watching us. He ofcourse would be looking forward to the females getting along. Anybody who's been through this .... how did you feel after. Did the guy's attitude towards you change .......... etc
You mean menage a trois? Don't do it unless YOU are 100% sure you want it. Don't let him pressure you into it. I have had guys bring it up and I am not interested. I try to make a joke about it, but am very clear with him that it's not going to happen...ever...no matter how much he begs. I know myself and know I would feel weird about it.
IMO it's not part of a healthy relationship. I would be concerned about your boyfriend, too, time to line up a new one who's interested in you. It seems that you are his ticket to the orgy...
Now my boyfriend has been talking about having an a la trois for a while here and there. So this week we get into it and he's like would i mind? At first he asked if i would mind if someone watched us or if we watched etc. So i was like i don't know .... i have had thoughts of being with a female but not seriously. So the next day he says a friend calls him up and she's always been open to joining in though he's never gone that route before. So the topic did come up and she's open and yes she does have a male friend who can join in. He says that the man is NOT to get comfy with him but he wouldn't mind not having him in the picture and he doesn't know how he would react to watching us. He ofcourse would be looking forward to the females getting along. Anybody who's been through this .... how did you feel after. Did the guy's attitude towards you change .......... etc
I would personally never have engaged in this kind of thing. (1) I had zero interest in sex with another woman, and (2) I'm not one for sharing in this context. However, different things for different people. I don't think it is wrong per se, but I think there is a lot of danger involved in many ways: possible hygiene issues, relationship problems etc. Only two very mature people, who have absolute concensus and carefully laid boundaries should even think about it.
Assuming you are interested in something like this and consider it, I would absolutely insist that he reciprocate with the guy. If he isn't open enough to try it, why should you? Then it just becomes a nice little show for him, with zero risk and investment for him. I would say either he's willing to put himself out there as well, or the possibility is off the table.
This is something that requires a deeply committed and trusting relationship. And, if you're having doubts, that's a GREAT reason not to do it.
I seriously *did* have to laugh about the suggestion that your man reciprocate with the guy though. Since when is sex about *this* sort of bargaining?
If you feel that you want to do it, then do it. Never forget that sex should be a pleasurable thing for ALL parties involved. If it's something that you're uncomfortable with, by all means talk it out. (Which you should do regardless) Boundaries, rules, feelings, etc. But, PLEASE, don't bring up reciprocation as some sort of bargaining tool with this. That's just stupid.
It does take a unique couple to be able to do this. And, the most important thing, IMO, is for everyone to be on the same page, and willing to do it for the sake of the action itself.
This is something that requires a deeply committed and trusting relationship. And, if you're having doubts, that's a GREAT reason not to do it.
I seriously *did* have to laugh about the suggestion that your man reciprocate with the guy though. Since when is sex about *this* sort of bargaining?
If you feel that you want to do it, then do it. Never forget that sex should be a pleasurable thing for ALL parties involved. If it's something that you're uncomfortable with, by all means talk it out. (Which you should do regardless) Boundaries, rules, feelings, etc. But, PLEASE, don't bring up reciprocation as some sort of bargaining tool with this. That's just stupid.
It does take a unique couple to be able to do this. And, the most important thing, IMO, is for everyone to be on the same page, and willing to do it for the sake of the action itself.
Yeah, some guys are big on the experimenting for the woman, but then too chicken to walk the walk themselves! I think the bargaining works just fine, especially if she doesn't want to do it, since it is very unlikely that it will happen.
Why wouldn't I have thought that you were serious?
I've heard that statement before, in some very serious contexts.
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