How to cope with best friend still being friends with my ex? (guys, engagement)
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So were these mutual friends originally your friends or her friends? Why can't you hang out together as a group just because the two of you broke up? It sounds like maybe you need to find a new group of friends.
1. Find a way to have an adult conversation with the ex to discuss the situation with the mutual friends. If the group of friends was there before you dated, it shouldn't cost you their friendship because the two of you couldn't work it out. Quite honestly, it sounds like the problem is self-inflicted. It sounds like she is not allowing it to get in the way of her happiness.
2. Move out. It doesn't have to be a negative experience, but it removes you from a painful reminder. You can still be friends even if you move away.
I would favor #1, although that would be the most difficult choice, initially. Once you get past that, you'll find you are stronger because of it.
I don't want to lose this friend though. It just stings when I know he's going somewhere where she will be knowing I can't go out to see a lot of those people because she will be there.
I just need advice on how to cope when this happens. For example he's at dinner with about 6 or 7 other people including her right now. I was going to go until I found out she would be there. My other roommate is with his girlfriend which leaves me in the dust with nothing to think about but that.
Wait. This isn't about your friend hanging out with your ex one on one but with a whole circle of friends that include her. A circle in which you are welcome but choose to avoid because you can't handle being around her. You're being unreasonable. You can't expect your friends to abandon a whole circle of friends because you don't want to be there. You need to put on your big boy pants and go with your friend to these group events and act like you're getting on with your life. If she's there, be polite and act like she's just another person in the group.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,007,908 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
Wait. This isn't about your friend hanging out with your ex one on one but with a whole circle of friends that include her. A circle in which you are welcome but choose to avoid because you can't handle being around her. You're being unreasonable. You can't expect your friends to abandon a whole circle of friends because you don't want to be there. You need to put on your big boy pants and go with your friend to these group events and act like you're getting on with your life. If she's there, be polite and act like she's just another person in the group.
Most days I'm getting better but my best friend/roommate is still friends with her (platonic). They were good friends before and still do things with that friend group from time to time. He told me he would never hook up with her or date her but every time he goes and does things with that friend group which involves her I get hit by an emotional train because I would also be with that group/her.
Next time it happens what should I do to cope? I can't go out because I'm on heavy medication for a nerve problem for the next 4 months. It makes me more depressed and sedated.
Sorry for sounding like a broken record but I'd like some advice on how to cope when that happens.
Time is really the only solution.
Meanwhile, get a hobby, do something, learn a new skill, etc, that will help take your mind off what's going on.
My other roommate is with his girlfriend which leaves me in the dust with nothing to think about but that.
Dude, get out of the dang house. Go to a different restaurant, sit at the bar, and strike up a convo. Go to a movie. Test out a couple cars you've always wanted to drive. Maybe even a bike.
Wait. This isn't about your friend hanging out with your ex one on one but with a whole circle of friends that include her. A circle in which you are welcome but choose to avoid because you can't handle being around her. You're being unreasonable. You can't expect your friends to abandon a whole circle of friends because you don't want to be there. You need to put on your big boy pants and go with your friend to these group events and act like you're getting on with your life. If she's there, be polite and act like she's just another person in the group.
I sort of disagree. I think maybe those "friends" need to plan something with just the OP without her. These "friends" aren't doing anything to help facilitate their "friendship" with the OP.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,007,908 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
I sort of disagree. I think maybe those "friends" need to plan something with just the OP without her. These "friends" aren't doing anything to help facilitate their "friendship" with the OP.
If the OP wants to hang with his friends and not have the ex be there, he should step up and plan something. It's not ok for him to be passive and then complain on who was invited to an event he didn't plan. That's weaksauce.
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