i sent mixed signals to a guy. how do I fix this? (woman, gay)
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Maybe so. But "good people" don't toy with another person's feelings in order to jack up their own egos.
The truth is that you don't really sound like you are interested in HIM and who he is.
You are interested in what he can do for you or how he can make you feel. And your behavior toward him reflects that.
If you really were "all in," you would show it by behaving in kind. He has shown a LOT of patience, and perhaps even a bit of cluelessness toward your behavior. I don't know why he sticks around.
Being pretty isn't enough.
i wasn't trying to jack up my own ego. It was a combination of being afraid and thinking that i had to be with someone great of paper for things to actually work.
I am interested in Him, not what he can do for me or how he makes me feel.
My mother raised me to believe that one should go for the guy who is the richest and best looking. it was something ingrained. I'm slowly breaking out of it because of him. I can finally see that our emotional connection is what is important. everything else isn't as important.
If you are not after a guy's money, why did you list "rich" among your top three "on paper" criteria? You are a cliche.
because I come from money and I wanted someone who is a financial equal. I also know that rich men are more desirable, and I wanted to be with a guy other girls would be jealous of. I've landed a nice job (60k) right out of college. I don't need someone to take care of me or buy me things.
Whether you realize it or not, these things are examples of your ego at work. These and the fact that you want a guy other girls will be jealous of:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkstar23
I asked him what would he do if I met my real true love, and said that I wanted someone who was ideally older.
I also told him he didn't have to contact me if he didn't want.
I was more conscious of social standing (like I really felt I should be a rich, good looking fraternity boy..he's none of those things).
I don't know why, but I asked him to semi formal.
I then freak out in a way and say it's obvious I shouldn't take him to this dance. we don't like each other, we shouldn't date. Then I tell him I like him and I want a relationship with him.
I posted something along those lines on a website (It went something like, It's weird that I spent years chasing after nerdy guys when I don't really respect them).
I make a ton of grand gestures, and he accepts my apology.
he seems really apathetic to me. I break down.
I asked him if it would bother him if I kissed another guy.
This:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkstar23
My mother raised me to believe that one should go for the guy who is the richest and best looking. it was something ingrained.
... is kind of horrifying. At least you recognize that she was giving you bad advice.
Whether you realize it or not, these things are examples of your ego at work. These and the fact that you want a guy other girls will be jealous of:
the last three were not works of my ego. especially the last one. right before that i told him it would have bothered me if he was with another girl, and I asked if he felt the same.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
This:
... is kind of horrifying. At least you recognize that she was giving you bad advice.
the last three were not works of my ego. especially the last one. right before that i told him it would have bothered me if he was with another girl, and I asked if he felt the same.
I'm going to see a therapist.
If you really want a shot at any of it working, then you need to sit him down and tell him everything that you told us. Including the part about therapy.
I've come to realize meaningful relationships are most important.
How did you come to realize this?
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