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I don't want to issue any ultimatum because I did make vows and committed to him 10 yrs ago and most people view sexual needs as inferior to all the other needs a relationship fulfills, but part of me feels dead knowing that it also means part of me will remain repressed in the name of fidelity.
I can honestly tell you that "life" is (Lord willing) a LONG time, and you go through phases.
Having small children is VERY stressful. Its influence on your overall health and outlook cannot be underestimated.
You may be sexually incompatible now, but you may not always be. You knew your husband was a virgin when you married him, so you know his frame of reference is VERY small. You may need real, professional help down the line to help him get to where you are. It sounds weird, but there are legit marital therapies and seminars to help with that.
I advise you to let this issue fall down the priority list for you. Be glad the other dude finally called it off, and make your brain go elsewhere. Focus on what is right in front of you, knowing your life will not always be this way. Life is long.
So, the other guy was your way out... and now he said he no longer can talk to you...you feel stuck in your marriage?
Serious question: Do you even want to stay married to your husband?
He was an emotional outlet , not a physical one. A way to vent my sexual frustration without physically compromising anything. I don't really have a choice to stay married or not, since I don't have a very good reason to want to leave. People on and off this board have made it clear that a sexually unsatisfactory marriage is no reason to end things. We have children so mommy has to think about them, not herself, right?
He wants sex. He just wants vanilla, once every 3 days, same old same old sex. No matter how I try to introduce new things or get kinky or sexy with him he hates anything he deems "weird".
I can honestly tell you that "life" is (Lord willing) a LONG time, and you go through phases.
Having small children is VERY stressful. Its influence on your overall health and outlook cannot be underestimated.
You may be sexually incompatible now, but you may not always be. You knew your husband was a virgin when you married him, so you know his frame of reference is VERY small. You may need real, professional help down the line to help him get to where you are. It sounds weird, but there are legit marital therapies and seminars to help with that.
I advise you to let this issue fall down the priority list for you. Be glad the other dude finally called it off, and make your brain go elsewhere. Focus on what is right in front of you, knowing your life will not always be this way. Life is long.
I sincerely hope you're right, because right now it feels utterly hopeless
He wants sex. He just wants vanilla, once every 3 days, same old same old sex. No matter how I try to introduce new things or get kinky or sexy with him he hates anything he deems "weird".
But why? Is he ultra religious? Does he view sex as dirty? Was he sexually abused? Does he have a low sex drive?
Have you always been sexually incompatible? Do you think his religious background plays a part in this? Is everything you brought up off the table? Are you talking kink/bdsm that he's not into, or more tame things and he's just not willing to venture outside his comfort zone?
Marriage counseling, but I wonder if going through the Church will actually resolve these issues, and whether the counselor or bishop will side with him since he's the "head of the household." While sex within the traditional religious institution of marriage is all-good, there are some acts that are frowned upon or seen as dirty/bad/worldly in nature (as in, not missionary and not for the purpose of procreation).
But why? Is he ultra religious? Does he view sex as dirty? Was he sexually abused? Does he have a low sex drive?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique
Have you always been sexually incompatible? Do you think his religious background plays a part in this? Is everything you brought up off the table? Are you talking kink/bdsm that he's not into, or more tame things and he's just not willing to venture outside his comfort zone?
Marriage counseling, but I wonder if going through the Church will actually resolve these issues, and whether the counselor or bishop will side with him since he's the "head of the household." While sex within the traditional religious institution of marriage is all-good, there are some acts that are frowned upon or seen as dirty/bad/worldly in nature (as in, not missionary and not for the purpose of procreation).
I have known a guy like this. In his case, while he was religious, it wasn't so much tied to that as it was to his self-esteem and world view.
Viewing any sex outside the norm as "weird" is a way to control his life, to ensure safety and stability (in his mind). It's also threatening to make yourself vulnerable. Not sure if this is THIS guy's problem. They don't understand that it can be the very thing that drives women away.
FWIW, April, 3X a week (even vanilla) is better than a LOT of marriages.
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