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Share your stories, this is under appreciated because men are the 'stronger' sex. But we now live in a gender equal society, supposedly. So I'll share mine that I only came to terms was abusive at the hindsight of our relationship.
Quote:
1-I met this girl at church, she was beautiful (a model when younger) where we right away "hit it off"
2-Seemingly everything went very fast from there, she texted me non-stop right away. Before I came to her place that first weekend, she'd send me 100s of text messages a day.
3-She was very quick to claim we were soul mates, yet she didn't sleep with me for the first several months [did everything else]. Looking back on the situation I understand why. She wanted to 'lock' me in, when we did have sex together she turned into a monster though there was signs of this even before.
As is the case with relationships, nothing is ever perfect and you would do things wrong from time to time. What set her apart from other relationships was her reaction. All I could describe it as bipolar.
She would threaten to be 'over me' even over seemingly non-issues. She insulted me in every way possible, even things I confided to her in secret and told no one else because I felt we were the 'one.' She would find things she perceived to be my weaknesses, she even went after my family and insulted them. She would taunt me. When she calmed down, she would be 'lovey dovey' like it never happen. Joke that "at least it's never boring with her" etc.
I guess it was a matter of time before it became physical, and it did. The first time she became physical, I slammed her into the floor and yelled at her. I probably shouldn't have responded that way, but there is so much abuse I can take. She in turn threatened to call the police, ruin my career.
She began snooping, going through my phone to make sure I wasn't cheating, demanding to prove that I love her and am not cheating. Everytime I would try to leave and say we're not for each other she'd break down in tears. Accuse me of not loving properly (because love is hard work I guess). There were several times she hinted at suicide.
Our fights went from being private to public. It was now highly embarrassing for me.
All in all, I just had enough after so many rinse and repeats. I realized the woman would never change.
Just to add one more thing: she was an attention seeker and highly manipulative. She knew the persona I fell in love - portraying herself as this cutsey vulnerable girl and she'd pull out the stops after an argument to keep me around. I began to realize, it was all an act.
It's sad that a good chunk of people will only read the part about you slamming her to the floor.
Honestly this stuff only happens because a lot of women have the mentality "nah nah nah nah nahnah, you can't hit me". Hitting a woman to keep her in line is wrong, but if you hit a man- prepare to get hit back like one.
I never dated a woman this bad. I dated one who was more manipulative and emotionally abusive if anything. The lies, the taunting, the insults. I think women are better at being emotionally abusive because of the size difference, they sharpen their skills.
Look at how young boys and young girls interact. Boys talk sh*t and they fight but girls are MEAN to each other, it's really bad.
I'm not bashing all women by any means but just noting the differences across the board. This type of thing happens than more people think. If she were to scratch the sh*t out of you, slap you and cut your face- and you push her- you're going to jail
It's not appropriate for anyone to hit anyone while in a relationship, no matter if it's a male or female. I've been in several LTRs and never even once have I hit or been hit. That would be an automatic deal breaker to me, so I wouldn't stick around for it to happen again.
I agree that men can find themselves in an a relationship with an abusive woman and it's not just women who are victims. But I think the more important thing to focus on is that hitting is wrong, which is something most normal people learn as kids and should know better as adults.
Men have always and will continue to fall for hot women with intractable personality disorders. Dads, teach your sons to look beyond the packaging and really, truly evaluate the emotional stability of the women they date.
I have heard at least one poster say that they don't want their mentally ill sex partners to take medication or get therapy because it would ruin the hot sex. Blows my mind.
Thank you for putting that out there for young guys to read.
The warning signs started right off with the hundreds of texts daily.
Another warning sign was fairly early on (after maybe 1-2 weeks INTO the relationship) she was telling me "I was the one", "I made her feel like no man has ever made her feel", "everything is so easy with me", "all her old fears are gone".
While I'm not a stupid man, and I couldn't help feeling she was just saying these things, maybe said it to all her previous relationships, it played to my weakness at the same time [my ego]. I gushed, I felt so good I was making someone feel that way.
What was funny that in our fights [which happened several times a week in the final phases] I was the WORST man in her life. All her exs made her feel better. And "no woman would want you, trust me". When I asked her to reconcile her two statements, her response varied if I asked when she was in a 'good' mood or a 'bad' mood.
In a 'good' mood, she would say that she was just angry and saying stuff just to '****' me off.
In a 'bad' mood, she'd just continue affirming I'm the worst, and continuing the verbal abuse.
It's sad that a good chunk of people will only read the part about you slamming her to the floor.
Honestly this stuff only happens because a lot of women have the mentality "nah nah nah nah nahnah, you can't hit me". Hitting a woman to keep her in line is wrong, but if you hit a man- prepare to get hit back like one.
Before being in a relationship with her, I was in the camp "Never hit a woman, women are weaker, men are stronger."
But I was put to the test, and I didn't last. The verbal abuse would already get your blood boiling, but when she got physical, hitting you and spitting at you, I simply reacted. Restraining her (like holding her against the floor) would temporarily make it worse. When you let her go, she'd begin running back at you, hitting you. This would repeat for a little bit, until she gave up and would withdraw, crying and babbling you didn't love her.
Since this was new territory for me, I went through a guilt phase and I felt like I was actually the 'abuser' not the 'victim' but I realized with some introspection that it wasn't really me.
Couple keys, I'd always try to leave, and she would restrain me. In fact, that's often how it would get physical, we'd get into an argument, she'd say the ugliest things under the sun. And I'd leave, tell her it's over. Her reaction? She'd run at me, throw things at me, try to damage property, and slap and kick at me.
The other piece of mind was my history and her history. I never had a previous relationship become physical before, so I decided to ask her if she had previous relationships become physical. Low and behold, she admitted to punching her previous boyfriend in the nose, causing some blood. And her boyfriend before that, apparently both had police restraining orders. She also admitted to trying to run over [with a car] her very first boyfriend.
What was disturbing, she would say this in a light-hearted joking manner, and let out a laugh if this was some kind of a game. And she'd glare at me and say "at least I'm not boring" [she said this a lot].
I have heard at least one poster say that they don't want their mentally ill sex partners to take medication or get therapy because it would ruin the hot sex. Blows my mind.
I'm past the phase in my life I care about sex at the expense of all. In fact that's why I met her in church, I was looking for a good wife material.
Looks no one can help, both men and women fall for good looking people. It's hard-wired into us.
During the course of our relationship she sexualized almost everything. When we were apart, she wanted to have phone-sex everyday even though when we were apart, it was just like 1-2 days. When we were together, she wanted to have sex several times a day.
Maybe this is a dream for most men, I really wanted intimacy and good wife material, and I didn't find her obsession with sex [and often PDAs] as 'good wife material'. So it in turn became a source of problem in our relationship, one of the times she sneakily went into my phone was when I went to asleep instead of having sex with her. She was so certain I was cheating on her, she of course didn't find anything like that because I don't cheat. Instead she found text conversations with friends before I even knew her.
Thank you for putting that out there for young guys to read.
The warning signs started right off with the hundreds of texts daily.
Absolutely! That was a clear red flag, OP. Also, declaring the two of you "soul mates". Those two things violate the "too much too soon" rule. But not for the usual reason, which is for manipulative purposes, but in this case, for indications of a psycho nature.
Live and learn. I hope you're ok now. And btw, it's easy to "hit it off" right away with someone who's very attractive. Unless they're arrogant. Hopefully after this experience, you'll branch out, and not look only for women who are former models. Some absolutely wonderful, kind, loving people come in plain packages.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-19-2015 at 10:49 AM..
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