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I sometimes wish we could just opt out of the holidays period. We usually attend each side of the family. We have to go out of town this T day to do the family celebrations, and it's a pain in the ass, got to drive a couple of hours, get a hotel room, do all of the pleasantries and then listen to the same old stories and same old cliques within the family... IDK... I could do without it, at least it would be nice to maybe miss the occasional gathering once in a while.
I know a lot of it is driven by Mrs. Chow's mom and I think when she passes things might relax a bit more, at least I'm hoping.
Did you have to make excuses for the other person when they asked about him or her?
Would you rather she said "He doesn't like hanging around with you all, so he stayed home?"
Why even ask beyond "So, how's Jim? We hoped to see him this year."
Which could be answered with "You know, he's always working, that Jim!"
And, then? You just shut up about it.
Who cares?
If he doesn't want to hang out with you for whatever reason, or if he's busy, or seeing his family, or has tickets to a hockey game?
Who cares?
I don't get the whole "obliged to hang out with family" deal.
No. Nobody is obliged. Families should spend time together because they want to. If some family members don't really feel like it or aren't into the forced holiday interaction, so be it.
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I sometimes wish we could just opt out of the holidays period. We usually attend each side of the family. We have to go out of town this T day to do the family celebrations, and it's a pain in the ass, got to drive a couple of hours, get a hotel room, do all of the pleasantries and then listen to the same old stories and same old cliques within the family... IDK... I could do without it, at least it would be nice to maybe miss the occasional gather once in a while.
I know a lot of it is driven by Mrs. Chow's mom and I think when she passes things might relax a bit more, at least I'm hoping.
Most of my holiday stuff was driven by my dad's grandparents. When they both died a few years ago, we haven't been obliged to see ANY family members for Thanksgiving or Christmas.
I rather like it. I mean, I like my family and all that, but I'd MUCH prefer they pick one time a year that's not a major holiday for everyone to get together on a weekend or some such and hang out for awhile, have a nice dinner, whatever.
Holidays are much better spent at home with your immediate family if you have one, and relaxing. Screw all that traffic and hassle.
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Most of my holiday stuff was driven by my dad's grandparents. When they both died a few years ago, we haven't been obliged to see ANY family members for Thanksgiving or Christmas.
I rather like it. I mean, I like my family and all that, but I'd MUCH prefer they pick one time a year that's not a major holiday for everyone to get together on a weekend or some such and hang out for awhile, have a nice dinner, whatever.
Holidays are much better spent at home with your immediate family if you have one, and relaxing. Screw all that traffic and hassle.
Especially air travel, they always have some news guy at the airports here showing all of the lines of people dealing with holiday air travel.
Double screw that mess... LOL....
We usually celebrate Christmas on Christmas eve, again, Mrs. Chow's mother sort of drives it and we all gather at her house, luckily for us it's only 15 mins away, but several family members have to commute in, probably about a 2 hour drive, that's why we usually separate T day and alternate, this yr being our turn to drive out to their area. Which is fair, but again, just a pain.
Then we try and see my dad on actual Christmas day, and he lives out of state about a 5 hour drive, so, having a few glasses of wine the night before and staying up late we have to face a 5 hour drive the next morning.
I'm seriously thinking about either going up a day or two ahead or a day or so after Christmas, this commuting on Christmas day bit is getting old, big time.
Sometimes it's really cool that I have to work pretty much every holiday at my job. So I get to have the holidays at home.
I hate traveling during busy airport times or traffic times. I hate putting up with accommodations that are less comfortable than my own home. And frankly, the food and company are far better here than anywhere else. That being said, any of our extended family are welcome to come here instead.
My parents live two streets over from me and my mother makes a hell of a Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve dinner. We bring sides and booze. And we make Xmas morning brunch. And if I'm working on the exact day or time that these meals usually occur, we just push the meal to another day. Hard to do if you're traveling.
My wife and I have been happily married for 30 years. We enjoy spending time together, but neither one of us would see why we'd need to be attached at the hip at all times.
We're married, but each have our own interests that occasionally means we're attending a function/party/event alone due to some obligation or desire one of us has that doesn't really interest the other.
We have a great marriage relationship and are definitely each others best friend, but we are separate people and neither of us is afraid to do something alone or with other friends occasionally. Personally, I think we're very lucky we both feel that way. To me it's the definition of a good secure marriage relationship. It works for us anyway !
eh, we go to whatever gathering we want to and don't go if we don't want to, no excuses necessary or used.
Our families enjoy who is there and does not question those who are not there.
Not just 'No!' but 'Hell, no!' I would not drag him along. Nor would I inveigle or try to emotionally blackmail him into it.
That would be a huge reason for him to build up resentment.
If he just plain would not enjoy some event or gathering, of course I would not try to coerce him into it.
So far as 'excuses': Why bother? "He just doesn't enjoy commotion or big gatherings" is efficient, factual and impersonal.
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