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^^ Wow, please don't do this. Don't "get her a kid" like it would be a stuffed animal. Bringing a child in to the picture right now will only make things worse.
You need to find out why she's shutting you out, since March? Could she be having an affair?
Based on what I've read from you thus far, I'd file for a divorce. You are not going to get a child from her, and if somehow you did, I don't think it would be very enjoyable for any of you. I wouldn't expect much to change from her.
You are young enough to move on and find a better wife and life.
I feel she's lashing out. I feel a bit bad, even though I do not entirely agree with it, that during my father's death and my hospital stays she was ready to try, but I was not able to do so. I feel she may be depressed, and when I was at my low point in life, she stood by me. I feel its only right I do the same. I love the woman very much. However, with that said, my patients are wearing very thin. If, nothing changes soon after a new therapist, I will unfortunately have to file. I just see no reason living together as roommates. This whole situation has turned me off for relationships or marriages as well. It's just not worth the stress plus regular life... That is true though... If it is this bad now, what happens if we get to a good place and then try or go through IVF for a kid? It does scare me when she says things like I posted in my previous post. And no, they are not taken out of context. Who says, you do not have to help pay for the IVF, me and my parents will pay for it. I do not want to owe you money??? Who says this to a spouse??? I've NEVER heard of something like this... As for her cheating, it would be impossible. I have access to all of her accounts (she does to mine as well). She doesn't get paid off the books, so it would be a bit impossible. She leaves at 7:30 am, comes home around 6:30 pm, eats dinner, falls asleep in front of our TV and then heads up to bed in her room. Granted, she moved into the second room at my request (due to her tossing and turning, and kicking it was just too dangerous with a back injury). I've requested for her to try coming back to the master bedroom again, but she's refused. I am hoping that things will turn around, however, I just feel she's checked out of our relationship and the writing is on the wall. I am prepared to do this, I just REALLY do not want to do so. If I didn't think I would spend the rest of my life with her, I would not had married her in the first place. Again, the woman now IS NOT the same woman I married two years ago. Just really not happy with the situation. I never thought that we would be in this weird situation. I know people my age that have gone through worse medical issues and even a couple years in jail, yet they are still together. We couldn't survive past two years... I even asked, what did I do that was so bad. Was I overly mean to you? She said no. Judgmental or criticizing at times, but never mean. I ask how so? She claimed when she asked how she looked or how something was, I was criticizing. Or, if she asked my opinion and she didn't like the response, I was criticizing. Did I ever emotionally or psychically abuse you? She said no. Then what did I do? I was unable to help her get pregnant for that less than a year time frame (8 months maybe 9) when I was grieving my father's death, arranging the funeral, fixing their legal affairs; not to mention going to the hospital and doctors during that time frame. I said really? You are holding something against me that I had no control over? She then said, you may had no control over, however, it was a convenient excuse for you not to try. I couldn't even make sense of that statement... She and the PhD supposedly think (I wasn't there for this visit), that I should had married a more passive woman and both of our personalities are just too strong. But, the PhD said the marriage MAY be able to be saved.. It depends on wifey making up her mind... Or, one of you will just have enough and file for divorce... My gut feels like the later will happen. I just feel if I let that happen without a fighting chance, then I've failed myself, my family, my wife and her family (I happen to like her parents very much. Sometimes I feel her mom cares more about me that she does. Her response, they do not have to live with you..)
Send her to the family doctor to discuss her depression and stress response. Maybe a mild drug will take the edge off.
Find a marriage counselor after the holidays and start getting your affairs in order in case you divorce. In fact, maybe a consultation for you with an attorney might help you know what you need to do.
Maybe you both can sort things out, but she has to be willing to try.
I've been married almost 25 years, and after reading that, I feel like jumping off a bridge.
We are only getting your side of the story, of course, but it sounds like you are a means to an end for her.
Honestly, forget what I said about marriage counseling. I would Find an individual therapist for you and begin to separate. Even the best counselor can't perform miracles and change who you two are. Look into collaborative divorce.
Based on what the PhD said, he doesn't see much hope either, which is a bit unusual. Don't let affection for her family cloud your judgment. Make salvaging your mental health the priority and take steps to finalize the process that in reality has already begun.
^^ Wow, please don't do this. Don't "get her a kid" like it would be a stuffed animal. Bringing a child in to the picture right now will only make things worse.
You need to find out why she's shutting you out, since March? Could she be having an affair?
The thought that she's having an affair was one that went through my mind as well.
She's shutting down because she feels she's not accomplished anything in her life. She has a lot of stress at work and she was just passed on a promotion. I just feel like I've failed me, her, and both our families if we (I) move towards a divorce. I say the word divorce and she backs away pretty fast. She doesn't want a divorce. However, I just feel like I do not know why I am here. We've moved so far away, in terms of closeness, I do not know what to do. I just want the woman I married back. She feels everyone is against her, and she's wrong. From what I gather, she tells me her mother and I are on the same page with her work issues and she's overreacting a bit. She, of course, doesn't see it. I am hoping that with less work stress, we can start to go back to basics for us. True, I am hanging on for dear life to this relationship, but I just do not know how to fix it. I honestly do not know what I did to ruin it. Again, she, believes/thinks that I delayed things because of the death of my father and the hospital stays. I do not know how to respond to that. Hospitals do not normally admit people and give them morphine for pain just for no reason. In addition, then she didn't want to try cause she thought that the morphine ruined my sperm temporally.
I will be okay. I am just upset on how this whole thing transpired and I blame myself. I've asked other people I work with, my family and others, they said I wasn't really very bad. I had my days, but they were few and far between. Wifey's response was, again they didn't live with me. We saw each other one to two hours a day except on the weekends, so I do not know how she can say that.
We live in a equitable property state, and I never added her to the deed. In addition, she wanted to keep separate accounts, so we have not joint accounts. The money she gave me was in cash, so there was no commingling. I would just file for no-fault myself. I would try to keep the lawyers out of it. The only ones who win are them. I just really do not want to go that route. But, if things continue through the new year like this, I will have to bit the bullet and file. Again, if I wanted a roommate, I would had placed an ad on Craigslist. I wanted a wife/partner. I just feel like a complete failure. First person in my family facing a divorce. This will be looked down upon greatly...
Send her to the family doctor to discuss her depression and stress response. Maybe a mild drug will take the edge off.
Find a marriage counselor after the holidays and start getting your affairs in order in case you divorce. In fact, maybe a consultation for you with an attorney might help you know what you need to do.
Maybe you both can sort things out, but she has to be willing to try.
She won't take anything. It could affect her getting pregnant. Even though she will not even try.. Which, to the life of me baffles my mind. Again, if her dream is to have a kid, why avoid intercourse for 8 + months? I just don't get it.
The thought that she's having an affair was one that went through my mind as well.
Unless the affair is with the couch or her bed, it would be impossible. If she's not at work, she's here watching TV/sleeping.
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