Dating Waiters/Waitresses (guys, seeking, different, interested)
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I used to go to the same place for coffee/tea while I worked on a laptop every weekend.
The same waiter served me a number of times, and we talked a bit each time. Finally, I uncharacteristically asked him for his number. He slipped it to me when he brought over my order. I used it the following week and he invited me for coffee.
I was extremely nervous, but we spent enough time together until the coffee house closed. After the date, I wanted to contact him once more. But, I found out (while resisting the urge to chew nails off) during the date that he was content working in restaurants and continuing to be a waiter indefinitely. I'm glad I got the chance to get to know him better, but I felt extremely critical of him at the time and... I feel terrible about it now and worry that it might show on my face if he responds and we see each other again.
I hadn't realized it, but I guess I assumed most servers, waiters, and the like were simply employed in that position until some other possibility they were pursuing or saving up for became reachable. Should I just stop at this point because I'm having these thoughts... or actually reach out?
Do him and a favor and forget him because it obviously makes a difference to you. If you have to 'try' to overlook the fact that he's happy 'just being a waiter' I doubt you can make much of any kind of relationship with him. Unless you want to settle for a quick fling.
I would honestly end it before you both become more invested. If you had to ask this question, you both most likely have different priorities in life right now. Will you be happy if he stays a waiter for years down the road?
I know how it feels because I could never date a guy without a CAREER (not a job) he's happy with. Being comfortable/content just isn't enough to me. It's not about the money at all, it's about knowing what he wants and having dreams/ambitions that he's actively seeking. I have high standards for myself and expect the same in guys I date. Different strokes for different folks.
I would honestly end it before you both become more invested. If you had to ask this question, you both most likely have different priorities in life right now. Will you be happy if he stays a waiter for years down the road?
I know how it feels because I could never date a guy without a CAREER (not a job) he's happy with. Being comfortable/content just isn't enough to me. It's not about the money at all, it's about knowing what he wants and having dreams/ambitions that he's actively seeking. I have high standards for myself and expect the same in guys I date. Different strokes for different folks.
So what if this guy is actually happy with his job?
Being comfortable/content is not enough for you? It is not about the money?
You have high standards for your own? To me you sound like a stuck up b*tch!
You contradict yourself more than once in your post !
All I get from your post is that you want someone with a big wallet to pamper you.
I guess you are also the type that looks down on the people that collect the garbage? That fix the plumbing in your house? Or that take care of the gardening and so on?
So what if this guy is actually happy with his job?
Being comfortable/content is not enough for you? It is not about the money?
You have high standards for your own? To me you sound like a stuck up b*tch!
You contradict yourself more than once in your post !
All I get from your post is that you want someone with a big wallet to pamper you.
I guess you are also the type that looks down on the people that collect the garbage? That fix the plumbing in your house? Or that take care of the gardening and so on?
Oh please, give me a break. I like educated guys, problem with that?
And just because I prefer to date a certain type of guy does not mean I look down on people of any kind, but feel free to think whatever you want of me, I really couldn't care less. LOL.
Do him and a favor and forget him because it obviously makes a difference to you. If you have to 'try' to overlook the fact that he's happy 'just being a waiter' I doubt you can make much of any kind of relationship with him. Unless you want to settle for a quick fling.
Definitely not settling, never settle. That's what I was worried about, expectations existing I didn't realize I had. I waitressed for a short while a year or so back, for me it was temporary because I had something specific in mind. It was a difficult job, stressful according to the traffic and your day depended on tips.
Quote:
Originally Posted by natiam
I would honestly end it before you both become more invested. If you had to ask this question, you both most likely have different priorities in life right now. Will you be happy if he stays a waiter for years down the road?
I know how it feels because I could never date a guy without a CAREER (not a job) he's happy with. Being comfortable/content just isn't enough to me. It's not about the money at all, it's about knowing what he wants and having dreams/ambitions that he's actively seeking. I have high standards for myself and expect the same in guys I date. Different strokes for different folks.
Not years no... probably not. Just, specifically a waiter. I thought maybe he would be interested in his own business one day, a restaurant of his own or maybe another position that offered a chance to move up with time and effort.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawksphins
Quite uppity of you. Trying to change him after one coffee? Do HIM a favor, forget him.
Not trying to change him no, just never met anyone who hadn't wanted something more in a position like that. It's not the easiest job. We mentioned favorite drinks and I waited for him to mention a passion in brewing...something related... nothing.
If you had asked me before this experience what I would do if I was interested in someone who was content being a waiter I would have probably answered immediately, I don't mind at all, as long as he's happy. Now? Yeah... I mind a bit.
I know how it feels because I could never date a guy without a CAREER (not a job) he's happy with. Being comfortable/content just isn't enough to me. It's not about the money at all, it's about knowing what he wants and having dreams/ambitions that he's actively seeking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Louieville
Not years no... probably not. Just, specifically a waiter. I thought maybe he would be interested in his own business one day, a restaurant of his own or maybe another position that offered a chance to move up with time and effort.
For both of you...suppose the waiter in question was happy, taking care of himself, and making a substantial salary, as some do in more upscale restaurants. Would it still be a problem then?
If not, then yes, it is about the money and you should own up to that.
If yes, then it sounds like you have an issue with his "status" which is equally appalling in my opinion.
I saw natiam's post about liking "educated" men. Do you care if he is educated, or intelligent? Do you know the difference? Do you care?
Can his dreams and ambitions only be expressed through his work? Or do you deem it acceptable for them to take place in the forms of learning skills, travelling, becoming cultured, etc?
Louieville says she thought he might be interested in "moving up". But those other positions (such as owning a restaurant) are/can be more time-intensive (giving you less time to spend with him) and even financially riskier.
If he's happy, and takes care of himself, there shouldn't be a problem. You're perfectly within your rights to think there IS a problem, but then don't be surprised (or be in denial) when people look at you as a certain kind of person.
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Dating waiters and waitresses...
