Husband and I fight because of my family (how to, marriage, women)
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I cant imagine your husband will want to be in a miserable living condition (for him) for long. Didnt you say he wanted you and him to move to his parents house until you could buy a house?
We really dont want to live in an apartment. We want to save the extra money we have to buy another house. If we live in an apartment, we wont be able to save for a house. Like I said before, we give money to my husbands parents too.
You have 4 options.
1.Lay down house rules for YOUR house, save your marriage.
2.Get an apartment and possibly take longer to save up, but save your marriage.
3.Have your sister pay the mortgage on the house rent an apartment, save your marriage.
4.Stay in the house and risk your marriage.
Your husband isn't really asking for much. He wants to come home to his house after working to support the people in that house and not have to come home to a pigsty. If your mom and sister aren't working why can't they keep it clean? If they are working why aren't they paying part or all of the mortgage so you can save for another house?
Im halfway in paying the house. 15 more years and its paid off so I feel like I dont want to sell it.
That's nuts. You're planning on paying mortgage, taxes, insurance, and all the maintenance on a house you don't live in for 15 more years? What do you do when it needs a new roof? Or the furnace fails? Or it needs a new water heater? That 9 year old is going to be a teen soon and destroy the place.
You should use the equity in that house to buy a more appropriate home with an inlaw apartment for your mother. Your sister needs to stand on her own two feet and fund her own housing. You're enabling the behavior. Stop doing that.
Im halfway in paying the house. 15 more years and its paid off so I feel like I dont want to sell it.
I dont know how much you 2 make, but I really think that if you think you can pay for two mortgages, raise children, support yours and his families, I believe you are way underestimating that cost.
The older that young boy gets, the worst its going to be, since it seems he has no discipline. That is a lot of pressure on your husband; this situation is a ticking time bomb.
Your mom needs to have a talk with her daughter about child-raising, and instilling discipline in a child. A spoiled, undisciplined child will be hell to deal with in the teen years. Your sister needs to face that, and do her job as a parent. She's abrogated her parental duty. And as the homeowner, you also need to have a talk with your sister, and make some house rules. No food outside of the kitchen, period. Your sister should back you up. She should also assign him house chores. His responsibility can be to keep the spare bathroom clean. He can learn about housecleaning. He can handle that much. I hope your sis and your mom help with the cleaning, too.
OP, did you really need to post here to get motivated to lay down rules? No excuses for family members; this is to save your marriage. It's tough-love time. If the kid continues to eat outside of the kitchen, limit his computer time. There need to be consequences for non-compliance with the new rules. Ideally, your sister would present those consequences to her son, and enforce them, so you wouldn't have to be the bad guy all the time. Team effort. It's doable.
We talked to my sister about disciplining her child but she gets upset when we point out that her child needs discipline, has no manners and spoiled. She talks to him and thats about it. My mom and I decided to just try to discipline the child ourselves but like what I said he doesnt listen. My mom t isnt even close to him considering he is her first grandchild because hes too stubborn and doesnt respect her. My mom and I are having a hard time living with him as well but he is my sisters son so we just deal with it.
I cant imagine your husband will want to be in a miserable living condition (for him) for long. Didnt you say he wanted you and him to move to his parents house until you could buy a house?
Yes he said we could live at his parents house till we save up money.
We talked to my sister about disciplining her child but she gets upset when we point out that her child needs discipline, has no manners and spoiled. She talks to him and thats about it. My mom and I decided to just try to discipline the child ourselves but like what I said he doesnt listen. My mom t isnt even close to him considering he is her first grandchild because hes too stubborn and doesnt respect her. My mom and I are having a hard time living with him as well but he is my sisters son so we just deal with it.
Your sister need to be told point blank that she WILL teach her child to follow house rules or she will be moving out.
You really don't seem very interested in saving your marriage.
We talked to my sister about disciplining her child but she gets upset when we point out that her child needs discipline, has no manners and spoiled. She talks to him and thats about it. My mom and I decided to just try to discipline the child ourselves but like what I said he doesnt listen. My mom t isnt even close to him considering he is her first grandchild because hes too stubborn and doesnt respect her. My mom and I are having a hard time living with him as well but he is my sisters son so we just deal with it.
Your sister and her monster kid need the eject button before it destroys your marriage. You have to stop enabling this. Your husband is not going to stand for it.
Your sister and her monster kid need the eject button before it destroys your marriage. You have to stop enabling this. Your husband is not going to stand for it.
Exactly!
I love my siblings and their kids, but if they were disrespecting me my spouse or our house they would be out the door after one warning.
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