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OP! your friend or your boy friend is doing well in my view. If he is only one in the world with a rough past then it is something to worry but I know some of my friends succeed the most. Good luck OP
Boy friend ? He is my man friend! LOL. Quickly becoming part of my family though. My wife adores him.
I would not judge a man on his past, if he clearly was making his own way...some of the most inspiring Americans came from humble origins and made good with their lives. In fact I have a difficult time taking someone seriously if their life was TOO easy, because I feel they have not been tested, have no scars, they aren't very "real" to me. A stable job, car, home...sounds like he's got it together. Kudos to your friend for adapting and overcoming.
You're gonna hear some comments about your wife adoring him though... And I have to chime in that if your marriage is quite good and she's happy you probably have nothing to be concerned about, I'm assuming you're not polyamorous or anything like that... But if your marriage has difficulties and she is getting cozy with a male friend, especially one who has a hard luck story, you might want to pay attention to what's going on there. If a woman is unhappy, a supportive male friend who listens to her can wind up being the subject of emotional attachment on her part. If the two of you have a great marriage and she's legitimately happy in it though, hey...enjoy your mutual friend and tell him there's no reason his past should hold him back.
I would not judge a man on his past, if he clearly was making his own way...some of the most inspiring Americans came from humble origins and made good with their lives. In fact I have a difficult time taking someone seriously if their life was TOO easy, because I feel they have not been tested, have no scars, they aren't very "real" to me. A stable job, car, home...sounds like he's got it together. Kudos to your friend for adapting and overcoming.
You're gonna hear some comments about your wife adoring him though... And I have to chime in that if your marriage is quite good and she's happy you probably have nothing to be concerned about, I'm assuming you're not polyamorous or anything like that... But if your marriage has difficulties and she is getting cozy with a male friend, especially one who has a hard luck story, you might want to pay attention to what's going on there. If a woman is unhappy, a supportive male friend who listens to her can wind up being the subject of emotional attachment on her part. If the two of you have a great marriage and she's legitimately happy in it though, hey...enjoy your mutual friend and tell him there's no reason his past should hold him back.
My wife came from a rough upbringing too, so she sympathizes with him. But she's a trustworthy lady. No worries there.
Hello All, Ewokhat here, and I need your opinion on something!
First off, let me start by saying I am writing this for a friend, with the intention of showing him the post in a few days after opinions have been stated.
I have a close friend, who had a very rough childhood and has been on his own since he was around 16 years old. His family suffers from problems with alcoholism, and drug use. My friend however, is a well mannered, and intelligent dude! You would never know that he had it so tough growing up, other than maybe his very shy demeanor. He has his own car that he is paying on, and he lives in a nice 2 bedroom house with his roommate. He loves animals and just really has a good heart, so let me pose a hypothetical question for you all.
If you met someone, and you found out after a date or two, that he came from a very rough upbringing, and that his family was not a part of his life because he chose to get away from all the negativity so that he could have his own life and make his own positive choices...What would you think about that?
Don't let my opinion sway yours, but personally I think that it is a triumph in its own that he had the clear head needed to get a solid job, get a GED on his own accord, and to buy a car, find a nice place to live etc. I don't think any woman that was worth her salt would look down on him for something he couldn't control.
Please, post your absolutely honest opinions.
~Ewokhat
I'd tell him he's in good company, and kudos to him for forging his own path.
Hello All, Ewokhat here, and I need your opinion on something!
First off, let me start by saying I am writing this for a friend, with the intention of showing him the post in a few days after opinions have been stated.
I have a close friend, who had a very rough childhood and has been on his own since he was around 16 years old. His family suffers from problems with alcoholism, and drug use. My friend however, is a well mannered, and intelligent dude! You would never know that he had it so tough growing up, other than maybe his very shy demeanor. He has his own car that he is paying on, and he lives in a nice 2 bedroom house with his roommate. He loves animals and just really has a good heart, so let me pose a hypothetical question for you all.
If you met someone, and you found out after a date or two, that he came from a very rough upbringing, and that his family was not a part of his life because he chose to get away from all the negativity so that he could have his own life and make his own positive choices...What would you think about that?
Don't let my opinion sway yours, but personally I think that it is a triumph in its own that he had the clear head needed to get a solid job, get a GED on his own accord, and to buy a car, find a nice place to live etc. I don't think any woman that was worth her salt would look down on him for something he couldn't control.
Please, post your absolutely honest opinions.
~Ewokhat
I wouldn't think ill of him, however I'd want to know he did some work on himself to get past the damage from his past.
Distancing yourself is one thing, but he has to have actually done the inner work to let go of all the resentment or he won't be a good partner to anyone.
I wouldn't think ill of him, however I'd want to know he did some work on himself to get past the damage from his past. My last LTR, he had a bad childhood and had cut off his family, BUT it became clear he did not get along with MANY people as I got to know him....his family were a**hats, but so were the people he worked with, all his exes, etc.
Distancing yourself is one thing, but he has to have actually done the inner work to let go of all the resentment or he won't be a good partner to anyone.
Well I'll give you a bit more info then. Since we've become friends, I was worried about his excessive drinking so I asked him why he did it. His answer was pretty much "To get away from my problems". I asked him if waking up with a hangover fixes his problems, and two days later he called to let me know he poured out every ounce of booze he had, and since then he doesn't drink alone anymore. (As far as I know)
I also expressed concern about his fast food habits, and then I noticed instead of coming to work with whataburger he'd come to work with a bag of trail mix instead. (The healthy kind, not the salted ones!)
He is expressing a genuine concern in bettering himself, and I'm honestly surprised at how far he has come in such a short time. I'm just trying to help him with his self esteem. I want him to know that having a bad past doesn't mean a bad future.
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No big deal ...
