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You do realize that every man or woman who ever walked
the earth was hurt by " Love " yet learned how to appreciate
all of the " Treasures " that Love has to offer...
When I was in military boot camp they taught me how to deal with the emotion called FEAR...and it wasn't freeing
yourself from FEAR , but to be focus and alert in facing
what caused your FEAR...you need to Investigate LTR &
Marriage but only with a clear , focus , alert mind always
on the look out for MEN who can give you 100 percent , as
you sacrifice yourself by the act of giving 100 percent of
Yourself....
Everyone has been screwed over by love at some point.
People recover from it differently. It teaches you things about yourself. If you truly want to love and experience what everyone is talking about, then go talk to a professional. You are aware of what your problem is, you just need to know how to address it.
Courage is the foundation of all happiness in life. There's fear that holds one back, of course. But cynicism, PUA mentalities, sweeping negative characterizations of the opposite sex, and all the other poses that prevent one from being in a relationship are not signs of worldliness. Instead, they are actually signs of vulnerability and self-centeredness. You're afraid of divorce? So what? If you had more than even odds to forge a lifetime partnership with someone amazing, wouldn't you roll the dice? Twenty-five years ago, I became engaged to a woman I had known all of three months. But rather than worry endlessly about what could go wrong, I actually had enough balls to take a shot. And the years I've spent with MrsCPG are incomparably better than the years I spent without her.
That means if you don't have the bravery to trust or to grow bigger than your insecurities, then you're right. You have no business being in a relationship.
A relationship, by the way, is a thing unto itself. It is not about you. It is not about the other person. It is a thing with a life of its own, something you and the other person create between you, not within you. It has to be nurtured and built. It requires sacrificing part of yourself to make it work. You do not wholly cede your own needs in life, but they also suddenly become far less important. For you are participating in something far larger than the desires you had before committing to it.
So I guess what I'm telling you is that being fearful of what could happen in life is no way to live. Have some freaking guts. Because life is a banquet and, because of your pointless navel-gazing, you are choosing to starve to death.
You need to figure out some stuff about normal human interaction before you even begin to deal with an intimate romantic relationship. Every single thing you post makes me scratch my head. I know this sounds harsh but if you can't figure out how navigate everyday situations like just talking to someone who you seem to be really attractive, you're pretty much doomed.
You need to figure out some stuff about normal human interaction before you even begin to deal with an intimate romantic relationship. Every single thing you post makes me scratch my head. I know this sounds harsh but if you can't figure out how navigate everyday situations like just talking to someone who you seem to be really attractive, you're pretty much doomed.
Yeah I've been pretty sheltered most of my life. I wanted to travel abroad and study out of state but my mom kept me home during college and wouldn't even let me live in the dorms. I'm in my late twenties and my parents still try and guilt trip me into moving back to the same city as them. They wouldn't mind if I still live with them even. It's like they don't want me and my sibs to grow up. I don't watch TV so I feel like I live under a rock pretty much. What I have seen of life is probably still that of a high schooler. I'm still pretty naive. I also tend to go after or attract hot white guys with commitment issues. My life feels very much Sex in the Cityesque without the girlfriends. Sometimes I even feel like one of the guys I date. I'm trying to find a way to grow out of this. I thought about joining the military last weekend. Traveling and working abroad maybe. Maybe flight attendant. Peace Corps even. I don't know. Any suggestions ol wise one?
Last edited by Gabriella Geramia; 01-23-2016 at 11:45 AM..
Well, I just realized I don't want to grow up and have to be in a real relationship like an adult. I've only been able to have 3 "real" relationships that were always on and off every other week. The rest were FWBS or Fbuddies that lasted on average a month. I wonder if I will ever be able to fully commit to another person and be okay sacrificing for someone else.
You demonstrate good insight into your interpersonal issues. Sometimes it's best to forego relationships and work on yourself. Making an appointment with a therapist is a good start.
You demonstrate good insight into your interpersonal issues. Sometimes it's best to forego relationships and work on yourself. Making an appointment with a therapist is a good start.
The problem is I use relationships as a way to get intimacy and companionship that I lack from friendships and family. I think if that aspect of my life is fulfilled I wouldn't care to date around so much. I have a hard time making friends because of my interpersonal skills and my family doesn't talk to me. Yes, I'm hot, so the easiest way for me to have human interaction is with men who are attracted to me. Most women feel uncomfortable around me it seems like. The few women friends I do have are loners like me and used to isolation. I have been seeing a therapist through school but our sessions were limited and finished.
The problem is I use relationships as a way to get intimacy and companionship that I lack from friendships and family. I think if that aspect of my life is fulfilled I wouldn't care to date around so much. I have a hard time making friends because of my interpersonal skills and my family doesn't talk to me. Yes, I'm hot, so the easiest way for me to have human interaction is with men who are attracted to me. Most women feel uncomfortable around me it seems like. The few women friends I do have are loners like me and used to isolation. I have been seeing a therapist through school but our sessions were limited and finished.
Did the sessions end because the school was paying for them? I don't know your financial situation but there are clinics that offer free counseling. Many women who have emotionally unavailable parents end up substituting sexual intimacy for emotional intimacy. You are drawn to emotionally unavailable men who treat you like a sex object.
That lack of an emotional connection with men leaves you feeling empty and unfulfilled because humans crave an emotional connection on a higher level than sex.
It's good that you are motivated to improve your interpersonal skills. You should forego sexual relationships with men for now and work on yourself.
Check around your area for a free clinic, preferably one that offers individual and group therapy.
Group therapy is beneficial because you interact with people who share a common bond in a non-judgmental environment.
Did the sessions end because the school was paying for them? I don't know your financial situation but there are clinics that offer free counseling. Many women who have emotionally unavailable parents end up substituting sexual intimacy for emotional intimacy. You are drawn to emotionally unavailable men who treat you like a sex object.
That lack of an emotional connection with men leaves you feeling empty and unfulfilled because humans crave an emotional connection on a higher level than sex.
It's good that you are motivated to improve your interpersonal skills. You should forego sexual relationships with men for now and work on yourself.
Check around your area for a free clinic, preferably one that offers individual and group therapy.
Group therapy is beneficial because you interact with people who share a common bond in a non-judgmental environment.
Yeah, the school was paying for 15 sessions of individual therapy. I'm supposed to start group therapy next week. I'm used to what I've been doing so it's hard to quit especially during weekend nights when everybody is out and I'm home alone. I'm also going to move in a few months. Perhaps I'll try and work on not using sex for emotional intimacy during group rather than trying to quit cold turkey. I have often found that trying to quit cold turkey makes me run back to the guys faster and harder.
I just looked up "signs of emotionally unavailable people" and I fit most of them. Perhaps the men sense that as well and wouldn't mind having a sex only relationship. In any case I'm going to try and force myself to go out to the comedy theater where I have a few acquaintances to feel less alone. I just never feel motivated enough to do it when the time comes.
Last edited by Gabriella Geramia; 01-23-2016 at 01:54 PM..
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