Why did he turn from hot to cold (boyfriend, marry, guys)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's always possible that he found someone else but I would find it odd since he gave me a key to his apartment (no traces of other women-) then ignored me from day 1 of my trip.
Some people are scared of being alone and always have to have someone to get away from themselves. Your guy might be such a person. What I find cowardly is the complete disregard of your feelings or the time you spent together. The least he could have done, was to explain how he was feeling and end things on a decent note. Unfortunately, hindsight is a wonderful thing and some people are so emotionally unaware that they don't realise the trail of destruction they leave in their paths!
I don't understand why HE is the one freaking out when HE is the one who moved things along so quickly. What was she supposed to do? Stop him in his tracks and tell him to slow down? Men are so strange...
That is exactly what she should do if she is uncomfortable with how fast things are going however, I think the big mistake was accepting his key and leaving a toothbrush at his place.
Just out of curiosity Aviva--how old is this man? Mine is 62 and very handsome --didn't you say this man is too? One consolation for us is that we will eventually find what we're looking for but these guys never will.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aviva63
This guy is 31 (I am 28) and yes very good looking . This whole thing has kind of shaken my confidence in finding a good guy for me. I think I am a quality person, and I found him very appealing-- so it's actually hard for me to believe he cannot fool another quality woman :/ So in a way, I feel like there is no sense of justice here- especially since my "break up text" was really non-accusatory and forgiving.
It sounds like you two were shooting out of your league. This is normal for women online, but if you aim too far out of your league, you're likely to get burned.
Perhaps focus more on the man's inner qualities and less on his looks and you will find that good men are everywhere (and are the vast majority of men online).
It sounds like you two were shooting out of your league. This is normal for women online, but if you aim too far out of your league, you're likely to get burned.
Perhaps focus more on the man's inner qualities and less on his looks and you will find that good men are everywhere (and are the vast majority of men online).
Just because they thought the men to be handsome doesn't mean they were physically out of their league
What I find cowardly is the complete disregard of your feelings or the time you spent together. The least he could have done, was to explain how he was feeling and end things on a decent note.
Yup, this is definitely the most painful part of it. I think he ended the relationship in his mind shortly after I got on the plane, and was showing me that for the whole week of my trip- I'm just the one who came forward and named the elephant in the room. He didn't even seem to care, because all he said was that the long distance was hard for him too. That seems like an odd way to end an entire relationship when most of it wasn't long distance! There was obviously something else that was hard for him too…
Just because they thought the men to be handsome doesn't mean they were physically out of their league
Yeah, I agree! That's kind of insulting that that just because we thought the men are handsome that we are "shooting out of our league?" Of course I want honest opinions, but this post by Akonyo was based on a false assumption (that we aren't worthy to date good looking men and are therefore "shooting out of our league") and really kind of nasty. I'm not looking to argue here, I'm already having a hard time-- but these kinds of rude comments are not welcome.
I think the big mistake was accepting his key and leaving a toothbrush at his place.
Can you help me to understand how accepting the key and leaving a toothbrush at his place would connect to him ignoring me starting from day 1 of my trip?
Just because they thought the men to be handsome doesn't mean they were physically out of their league
They both said that the men were very good-looking. Looks are an objective quality. If they are going on dates with models and are not models themselves, isn't there at least a small chance that these men did not seriously consider them as long-term partners?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aviva63
Yeah, I agree! That's kind of insulting that that just because we thought the men are handsome that we are "aiming high?" Of course I want honest opinions, but this post by Akonyo was based on a false assumption (that we aren't worthy to date good looking men and are therefore "aiming high") and really kind of nasty. I'm not looking to argue here, I'm already having a hard time-- but these kinds of rude comments are not welcome.
You posted on a public forum. I'm sorry that you don't like to think about this possibility, but that doesn't make it any less of a possibility. Questioning your interpretation of the situation is not "rude". I'm simply being realistic.
Akonyo, looks are SUBJECTIVE, not objective! And we never said we are going out on dates with MODELS! Furthermore, you have no evidence of my appearance but assumed anyway! There you go again, adding details into the story that were never stated. It wasn't that you were bringing up a "possibility," it's the fact you made an assumption and presented it as a fact. I'm not arguing with you back and forth on here.
I agree that he most likely reflected on it after I left and reconsidered. I also agree that he could have shown even a small act of consideration in telling me he is re-thinking things instead of leaving me hanging for 24-36 hours without text responses. I think that is the most painful part for me--the indecency of barely being acknowledged after we spent such meaningful time together. I didn't just vaporize into the air-- I'm still the same person that was with him who has feelings. Then the turmoil of me thinking "how could I have not noticed he didn't care about me that much?"
It's not you, it's him. I recall one I especially liked years ago who acted similarly - attractive, gentlemanly and enjoyed each other's company, becoming closer, his staying with me and seemingly wanting an involvement, yet after weeks together, began acting distant, with no explanation and nothing having been obvious, though I attempted to find out. It was baffling.. as if he was mad at me for making him want this.
It just makes us question ourselves, yet I think there can be something deeply rooted with them...or they are just phony jerks. Maybe they realize that they are feeling something, but don't want to give in to it, being too overwhelming or don't want anything steady, but it would be better if we could know this prior to their roping us into thinking they do.
One thing I want to point out is that, you may have felt it was meaningful in that short a time, but four weeks is nothing and since people become intimate soon, things change. Once people have sex, they begin staying over regularly and typically, females of all ages tend to romanticize things while men might just take advantage of the situation.
This scenario has existed for many years, but things apparently have worsened, with men just wanting to "get in, get out..onto something else" - with topics here reflecting these male and female expectations. Besides this, having regular access to others through technology - expectations, demands and disappointments have increased, escalating pressure. (I see many topics sharing "they used to text.." "they didn't respond", "now it's been this many hours".. "they didn't respond, but now I am expected to do so", etc.)
So much could be spared if people were just honest.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
