Dating after 30... (boyfriend, long-term, men, husband)
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I've never had a set list of preferences just a simple I like them or I don't.
However ive found my dating life is getting better as I get older and am 31 now, when I was younger it was about quantity but now it's about quality so OP you've got nothing to worry about mate
I live in the Chicagoland area. It has been a long time since I dated, but things seem much different when you are not in college. Over the past year I have been trying to find a girlfriend to no avail. I just turned 30 and I am getting a bit worried that the type of girls I want may be a scarce commodity at my age. I would rather be single than be with someone I do not like, but it is still disheartening.
Some things I look for in women are: no children, non-religious, ~5'7''-6'0'', no drug issues, and preferably does not want children. So for you out there who may have similar preferences; what are your experiences in trying to find a woman with these attributes after 30? Or even if you have a different set of preferences, did you find that you had to compromise?
Why would they be a scarce commodity? You're in a big city, there are lots of single women in your age-range. I've heard the dating scene is very good for men in Chicago. Why would 30 be some magic cut-off number? What about all the 20-something women? And the women not long out of grad school, starting their careers?
What have you been doing to try to find a girlfriend? Do you get out and mingle in real life, or just hang out online, browsing the "catalog", as it were?
People really over-worry this stuff. Get out there and circulate, instead of sitting at home wringing your hands.
Why would they be a scarce commodity? You're in a big city, there are lots of single women in your age-range. I've heard the dating scene is very good for men in Chicago. Why would 30 be some magic cut-off number? What about all the 20-something women? And the women not long out of grad school, starting their careers?
What have you been doing to try to find a girlfriend? Do you get out and mingle in real life, or just hang out online, browsing the "catalog", as it were?
People really over-worry this stuff. Get out there and circulate, instead of sitting at home wringing your hands.
I prefer to date women who are my age or slightly older. I have dated younger women before, only by two years. I know it is in the norm for a male to be older than the female in a relationship, but I am picky on that.
I do go out to parties and bars with my remaining unmarried friends. But I am having difficulty in finding women I am interested in as of late, it seems to correlate with my increase in age. I've been trying to think of other events or places to go to. I am pretty fit, so I've been thinking of yoga classes. I met one girlfriend at a mall years ago; may try that again too. Any other ideas are welcome.
I have not tried online dating. I have looked, but I worry that the person behind the profile would be the fat guy from Borat posing as a beautiful woman.
You're going to have a tougher time finding a child-free woman in her late 20s or early 30s. The majority of 20-something or early 30s women I know who were child-free during this time ended up wanting (or having) children.
I'd guess you'd have more luck with older women if child-free is a strong preference.
I live in the Chicagoland area. It has been a long time since I dated, but things seem much different when you are not in college. Over the past year I have been trying to find a girlfriend to no avail. I just turned 30 and I am getting a bit worried that the type of girls I want may be a scarce commodity at my age. I would rather be single than be with someone I do not like, but it is still disheartening.
Some things I look for in women are: no children, non-religious, ~5'7''-6'0'', no drug issues, and preferably does not want children. So for you out there who may have similar preferences; what are your experiences in trying to find a woman with these attributes after 30? Or even if you have a different set of preferences, did you find that you had to compromise?
Lol I think it's hilarious that I have all these attributes but you would reject me for being too short.
You're going to have a tougher time finding a child-free woman in her late 20s or early 30s. The majority of 20-something or early 30s women I know who were child-free during this time ended up wanting (or having) children.
I'd guess you'd have more luck with older women if child-free is a strong preference.
It's not tremendously challenging to find women 27-33 without children in a city in a metropolitan area with a population over 500,000. Some markets vary though.
There might be friction though if the childless woman 27-33 is pushing for more accelerated time frames with a new man than she did with previous men. She might push for a quicker commitment and a shorter childless existence than she did. So a previous man could have enjoyed 5 years of constant, longer-term commitment free sex and a longer childless existence than the new man. For most men, that's not going to sit well with them. Many men will not express this sentiment overtly, but beneath the surface, there will be a resentment. A 33 year old man without kids is usually not in any greater of a hurry to have kids than a 23 year old without kids. Some 33 year old men might want marriage if they are tired of the hustle of single life.
I live in the Chicagoland area. It has been a long time since I dated, but things seem much different when you are not in college. Over the past year I have been trying to find a girlfriend to no avail. I just turned 30 and I am getting a bit worried that the type of girls I want may be a scarce commodity at my age. I would rather be single than be with someone I do not like, but it is still disheartening.
Some things I look for in women are: no children, non-religious, ~5'7''-6'0'', no drug issues, and preferably does not want children. So for you out there who may have similar preferences; what are your experiences in trying to find a woman with these attributes after 30? Or even if you have a different set of preferences, did you find that you had to compromise?
Dating post-college is more a challenge than it is in college. The market peaks in the college years. Ideally, it is best to lock someone down if you can during the market peak and it will make your post-college years a little easier. It is more challenging to date when you are the sole income earner of your household-of-one and your success at work is what keeps you from living under a bridge. Work also cuts into the time that you have to find dates as well, since you are couped up for 40+ hours per week, and that also doesn’t take into considering commuting and prep time for work. You are also more responsible in running a household, and even running the operations of a 1 bedroom apartment is challenging enough. All this factors into why you may not have as much freedom in your pursuance of females. Additionally, post-college females are less free too. They have their own work things, and then they are also more apt to acquire pets than single males (pet acquisition is way more common post-college than during the college years), which cuts into their dating time and also long term presents a challenge because pet care is almost like child care. In the short term, pets can interfere with planning to spend time together. Long term dating a woman with a pet when you are a pet-free guy is taking on a responsibility than you might not have opted into on your own.
Another downside about dating around the age of 30 is that in your existing social circles, the number of available singles dwindles. You probably know a lot of couples (either married or longer-term unmarried couples) and the dynamic between singles and couples is uncomfortable at best. That also cuts into your ability to meet people through the people you know.
As for your criteria, I think some are good, and some are too stringent. Wanting a non-substance abuser is good. Wanting someone without children is good. Children are the pet thing I mentioned earlier, except worse. You never want to take on a single mother. Non-religious is sort of gray area. Unmarried women in their 20s and early 30s as a whole are less religious than married women. If you happen to be a non-religious guy, it’s probably better not to date someone who is quite active in a religion. You might want to expand that criterion to either non-religious or just moderately religious in their religion of choice who won’t give you a hard time about your existing religious preferences.
Wanting a woman who does not want children is probably too stringent of a criterion. While you won’t have issues finding women who do not have children, taking it one more step to not wanting children is going to be an issue. For childless men who are lukewarm about kids or don’t want kids, the best policy is to keep your mouth shut as much as possible on this. You can easily get away with telling a childless woman that you are not interested in having kids in the short term, and this will fly as she won’t be either. Keep using condoms. You will be able to get a couple years of a relationship without the kid issue coming up.
Your height issue is too restrictive. Also, you say that you are 6’0”. Ideally, you want to be a few inches taller than the woman to account for high heels. Women often want their man to be taller than them when they wear heels. So you might want to leave about a 5 inch buffer zone for this to happen. Also, at age 30, you can date women as young as like 22/23. So think about going younger.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
Go for one of those volleyball players in California. [IMG]file:///C:\Users\David\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip _image001.gif[/IMG]
The only reason that the OP could justify having an interest in women 5’7” and over is if he is really good at a specific sport and would like the woman he dates to be able to play that sport at the same level that he does.
This is something that I can personally identify with. I am a pretty good tennis player. I play in competitive leagues and recreationally with others who play a high level. Even in a female friendly sport like tennis, there are still more serious male players than female players. The best female tennis players, the ones who I could play with in our dating relationship, would be most likely to be 5’7” and over.
Over time, in my dating efforts, I think having a woman that plays tennis well is a nice-to-have feature, but not a mandatory feature, because if it were mandatory, I’d be cutting my prospects too much.
As for volleyball, it is female friendly sport, but there are still a fair amount of male players of it, both indoor and sand (especially sand). The best female volleyball players are taller as well.
It's not tremendously challenging to find women 27-33 without children in a city in a metropolitan area with a population over 500,000. Some markets vary though.
There might be friction though if the childless woman 27-33 is pushing for more accelerated time frames with a new man than she did with previous men. She might push for a quicker commitment and a shorter childless existence than she did. So a previous man could have enjoyed 5 years of constant, longer-term commitment free sex and a longer childless existence than the new man. For most men, that's not going to sit well with them. Many men will not express this sentiment overtly, but beneath the surface, there will be a resentment. A 33 year old man without kids is usually not in any greater of a hurry to have kids than a 23 year old without kids. Some 33 year old men might want marriage if they are tired of the hustle of single life.
My early 30's were the absolute best dating years. Affluent fit single professional guy who skied 60+ days in the winter. I don't remember ever being turned down if I asked someone for a date. The problem is that 30-year-old single women tend to be in relationship warp speed. If you check all the check boxes, you get passed by their friends for approval and then on to their family for approval in the express lane. I blew up a lot of relationships with very quality women simply because it was all going to fast.
I can understand the no-kids thing being a problem because your dating pool is women with a ticking bio clock. I don't get the height thing at all. That is incredibly superficial. The woman of your dreams could be 5 foot nuthin'.
Dating post-college is more a challenge than it is in college. The market peaks in the college years. Ideally, it is best to lock someone down if you can during the market peak and it will make your post-college years a little easier. It is more challenging to date when you are the sole income earner of your household-of-one and your success at work is what keeps you from living under a bridge. Work also cuts into the time that you have to find dates as well, since you are couped up for 40+ hours per week, and that also doesn’t take into considering commuting and prep time for work. You are also more responsible in running a household, and even running the operations of a 1 bedroom apartment is challenging enough. All this factors into why you may not have as much freedom in your pursuance of females. Additionally, post-college females are less free too. They have their own work things, and then they are also more apt to acquire pets than single males (pet acquisition is way more common post-college than during the college years), which cuts into their dating time and also long term presents a challenge because pet care is almost like child care. In the short term, pets can interfere with planning to spend time together. Long term dating a woman with a pet when you are a pet-free guy is taking on a responsibility than you might not have opted into on your own.
Another downside about dating around the age of 30 is that in your existing social circles, the number of available singles dwindles. You probably know a lot of couples (either married or longer-term unmarried couples) and the dynamic between singles and couples is uncomfortable at best. That also cuts into your ability to meet people through the people you know.
As for your criteria, I think some are good, and some are too stringent. Wanting a non-substance abuser is good. Wanting someone without children is good. Children are the pet thing I mentioned earlier, except worse. You never want to take on a single mother. Non-religious is sort of gray area. Unmarried women in their 20s and early 30s as a whole are less religious than married women. If you happen to be a non-religious guy, it’s probably better not to date someone who is quite active in a religion. You might want to expand that criterion to either non-religious or just moderately religious in their religion of choice who won’t give you a hard time about your existing religious preferences.
Wanting a woman who does not want children is probably too stringent of a criterion. While you won’t have issues finding women who do not have children, taking it one more step to not wanting children is going to be an issue. For childless men who are lukewarm about kids or don’t want kids, the best policy is to keep your mouth shut as much as possible on this. You can easily get away with telling a childless woman that you are not interested in having kids in the short term, and this will fly as she won’t be either. Keep using condoms. You will be able to get a couple years of a relationship without the kid issue coming up.
Your height issue is too restrictive. Also, you say that you are 6’0”. Ideally, you want to be a few inches taller than the woman to account for high heels. Women often want their man to be taller than them when they wear heels. So you might want to leave about a 5 inch buffer zone for this to happen. Also, at age 30, you can date women as young as like 22/23. So think about going younger.
The only reason that the OP could justify having an interest in women 5’7” and over is if he is really good at a specific sport and would like the woman he dates to be able to play that sport at the same level that he does.
This is something that I can personally identify with. I am a pretty good tennis player. I play in competitive leagues and recreationally with others who play a high level. Even in a female friendly sport like tennis, there are still more serious male players than female players. The best female tennis players, the ones who I could play with in our dating relationship, would be most likely to be 5’7” and over.
Over time, in my dating efforts, I think having a woman that plays tennis well is a nice-to-have feature, but not a mandatory feature, because if it were mandatory, I’d be cutting my prospects too much.
As for volleyball, it is female friendly sport, but there are still a fair amount of male players of it, both indoor and sand (especially sand). The best female volleyball players are taller as well.
Wow, you've got some great points there RJ! Thanks for taking the time to give me some thorough advice; much more than I expected.
The height issue is not an absolute deal-breaker for me, it is a preference. Having dated women who are around my height, I like the physical interaction with them the most. It's easier to kiss someone when you do not have to lower your head or bend down, for example.
You point out something friends have told me about the child subject; just leave it out for as long as possible. I may try that. One thought that came to my mind was if I did this and the topic did not come up for six or more months, if the woman really likes me she may compromise on that to stay with me. I always use condoms too.
I could handle a moderately religious girl I suppose. I am not religious at all myself. I would probably be considered agnostic; I am not sure what to believe... but there may be something more to this existence than meets the eye.
I do not mind pets. I definitely do not want children, but pets are fine with me.
Thanks again for the advice, it is good to get more perspectives on this. I will consider going younger, it is just that I have found younger women to be not be relatable when I dated them before.
Lol I think it's hilarious that I have all these attributes but you would reject me for being too short.
The height thing is not an absolute, just a preference. I have dated shorter girls before. Alas, it is too bad you're all the way in Toronto.
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